


Never Going Back

by secretly_a_mess, These_Shattered_Bones



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Supernatural, The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Violence, Multi, Violence, mentions of wrestling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2020-10-27 23:57:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 57,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_mess/pseuds/secretly_a_mess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/These_Shattered_Bones/pseuds/These_Shattered_Bones
Summary: "let go, you will never own me" -skilletTW: Mentions of rape/sexual assault throughout the story.Ashley has it all figured out. She's got a job she loves and enjoys working at. Sure, her body hates her in the morning but it's worth it. Sure, she's got to dress up and play nice with the Vought snobs and their allies, but it's not that bad, right?Until it is... After her world gets turned upside down, she finds herself working with a vigilante team to take down one of the biggest corporations in America.





	1. Ash's POV

**Author's Note:**

> Huge huge thank you to Kaye and Vee for being my beta readers. And a special thank you to Gwen for all of your help with this story. 
> 
> Transfer from my Wattpad account.

Rain pours down, soaking my exposed and aching skin. Steam curls slightly off the back of my neck, the cooler water and air mixing with the heat that'll serve as a painful reminder of what happened. My arm's at an awkward angle, pain shooting from my elbow, making my fingers twitch. Slumping down against the wall in the alleyway, my fingers tremble as I search for Gwen's number. Tears prick my eyes and numbness takes over. Closing my eyes, I choke back a sob when I hear Gwen on the other line. 

"Can... you please come get me?" I whisper. 

Silence answers me. "Got your GPS on?" 

"Y...yeah.... please hurry...."

"Okay, sweetie, is everything okay?" 

"No..." I whisper as the sob escapes my lips. 

"Hold on. I'll be there as soon as I can. Do you want me to stay on the line?" 

"If you want..." I whine in pain as I attempt to pin my dress shut. 

"Hang in there, Ash, we're not to far from you, sweetie." 

I lean my head back in shame, trying to calm myself down. My mind reels as I try to process what had happened. I shake as the water starts to get colder and I feel the skin on the back of my neck bubbling and blistering. 

Screeching tires pull me away from my thoughts. 

"Ashley?" Gwen calls as she stands at the mouth of the alley. 

"Here...." I weakly call out. 

Two pairs of footsteps approach me and I look at them, ashamed. Gwen kneels in front of me, "Hey... let's get you somewhere dr-" her eyes widen as she sees my arm barely covering my exposed chest. 

"Bloody hell..." the man next to Gwen says. He starts to shrug off his jacket and moves to drape it over me. I flinch away from him, causing myself to cry out in pain. 

"Ash, you can trust him..." Gwen gently takes the jacket from the man and drapes it over my shoulders, leaving the back facing forward.

"Is that steam?" He murmurs. 

"I think so..." Gwen frowns and gently shifts me so she can see the back of my neck. "Billy..."

The man steps closer towards me, putting his hands up in a placating motion. "Are you fucking serious?" He looks at me before looking at Gwen. 

Guilt surges through me, thinking he must have put two and two together and was about to blame me for what had happened. I nearly miss the words he adds to his statement of annoyance. 

"We need to get her out of here, now." He runs his hand down his face. 

Gwen bites her lip and looks at me, "Can you stand or do you need Billy to carry you, Sweetheart?" 

"N...no I can...I can stand just…" I grit my teeth, trying to ignore the pain, hoping it will numb out soon. "Help me into the car.." 

I make it to my feet, using the wall and Gwen for help. She quietly buttons up the coat so I can move without the potential for any extra exposure. 

Gwen starts towards the car, the man she had called Billy not too far ahead of us. She keeps a decent pace, quick enough to get us to the car but not too quick to where I can't keep up. 

Billy quietly opens the back door and exchanges a look with Gwen. I can't exactly read his expression in the darkness but I assume that's the point. Gwen helps me in the car before joining me in the backseat. She helps me lay on my front without shifting my arm too much so the burns on my back as well as the one on my neck aren't pressed against the seat. The ones littering my back aren't as severe as the one gracing my neck like some reverse choker and had been forgotten about until I shifted in the car, causing a whimper to fall from my lips. Yep, work was gonna be a bitch tomorrow. A fresh lump in my throat forms at the thought of showing up to work tomorrow. Panic should be taking over but I'm numb aside from my brain racing and knowing the rest of my body should be in panic mode. 

Billy’s eyes flash up towards the rear view mirror, concern possibly flickering in his eyes at the sound of my pain. He looks over his shoulder at Gwen. She must give him a nod or something of approval because he starts the car and speeds off. 

I felt more than saw Gwen since that happened, but most of the ride to... wherever was a dark blur of slow, sizzling pain. Someone was mumbling something, I can't quite make out what was being said, since by now I was exhausted both emotionally and physically, as well as injured with probably second degree burns….. possibly third degree, some of the skin on my neck feels numb.

Gwen gently brushes some of my hair away from my neck, exposing the burn once again to the cooler air of the car. 

Part of me wants to close my eyes and just try to relax but I know as soon as I do, I'll be back in that damn room with _him_. 

I’m dragged from my thoughts when Gwen asked about taking me to HQ, whatever that was. My mind was both too slow and too fast to think, and my heart’s pounding in a loud rhythm against my ribs, the sound of my own heartbeat blurring all the sounds around me.

I must have gotten lost in my thoughts or blanked out because the next thing I know Gwen is gently prodding me and trying to help me out of the car. My movements are slow but I manage to shift enough so she can get me out, my foot hitting something on the floor, earning a loud squeaking noise. I jump and almost fall on to Gwen when someone carefully grabbed my upper arms and helped me. 

“You good?” Billy asks gently, moving his hand when he sees I’ve regained my balance. 

I nod slightly and look down, finding a dog toy to be the culprit of the scare. “Thanks.” 

Gwen loops her arm around me and helps me hobble up the steps to an old building. The hairs on the back of my neck, the ones that hadn’t singed off that is, prickled and my nerves jumped. The whole building was covered in vibrant and worn graffiti, a single street lamp lit it from the front, the side alley was pitch black and it only made the pit in my stomach fall farther. 

Gwen murmurs something as we make our way towards the building, Billy once again taking the lead. I can't quite make out what she's saying but her tone is soothing as I try to push down the well of tears threatening to spill out. The numbness was coming and going in waves, leaving me teetering between wanting to break down and sob and remaining dry eyed no matter what. 

“I tried to fight him off…” I find myself whispering to Gwen. I can see her look at me confused, whatever she was talking about forgotten as she looked at me.

“Homelander.” I whisper again, tears stinging my eyes again. “I tried to fight him off…” my voice cracks. 

She blinks fast, opening her mouth several times before she swears and presses a kiss to the crown of my head. I realize a second later she's crying when her tears fall and land on my cheek. I can't do much, but I shift closer and clench my good hand into her shirt, dropping my head on her shoulder. 

I jolt when there was a loud, rhythmic knocking sound, Billy leaning against the door, which slides open a moment later. There was talking but I didn't hear much of anything then he's waving us over. I can see a little inside; the warm light is soothing, and something sweet smelling is coming from in there. Gwen presses another kiss to my forehead and helped me inside, the lights almost too bright and the numbness decided to fuck off. My head was pounding, and I was on the verge of crying.

Once we reach Billy, he tells Gwen something, I barely make out the words “first aid” as my eyes slowly adjust to the lights. 

Greetings are called in our direction and I find myself shying into Gwen’s side, like a little kid does when they're scared to meet new people their parents introduce them to. 

Gwen says something in reply before she leads me to a room in the back of the building. She gently helps me onto the couch, making sure none of the burns made contact with the fabric. She pulls up a chair across from me. Her eyes are watery as she paints a brave smile on her face. I'm not sure if it's for my sake or for her sake. 

“Okay, Ash, Billy’s gonna be back with the first aid kit shortly. We're going to take care of you.” She coaxes, fighting to hide the crack in her voice. 

All I can do is nod, holding back my own tears. I know as soon as my tears fall so will Gwen’s. 

A light knock at the door pulls us away from the battle with our emotions. 

“It's unlocked!” Gwen calls. 

Billy's muffled voice is on the other side of the door. “Is she okay?” 

Gwen frowns and gets up. “You can come in and see her.” Her hand rests on the doorknob, ready to open it for him. 

“Let me rephrase, Love. Is she decent? I'm not bloody coming in there 'til I know she's at least got underwear intact.” Loud shouts on his side of the door result in him swearing and shouting to Gwen. “Come get me when you're ready. I've got to handle the dumbfucks out here.” 

I shift uncomfortably, fingers clenched into the fabric of the couch. My dress is torn and is just a clump of pathetic scraps at this point, the jacket covers my chest, but my underwear is….. I shake the thoughts from my head and close my eyes. Tears prickle and damn near spill over.

Gwen sighs as she heads back over to me. “You're gonna hate me for this, and I really don't want to do it to you...but you heard him.” Her eyes soften as her own tears return. She must've wiped the old ones away while she was at the door with Billy. 

"I... it's okay…" I mumble and give her a weak smile, trembling uncontrollably. I force my lips shut and focus on making it stop. "Ju...just help me...I trust you.." 

She crouches in front of me and rests her hand on my good one, "I need to get you some clothes from my room. Do you need someone to stay with you? I'd only be a minute.." she winces and bites her lip white. 

I mull it over. Part of me was scared to be in a room with another person, let alone another man, I barely know, but part of me was too scared to be alone. “I… yeah… please? I'll just keep Billy’s jacket on….” I look at her. 

She presses a kiss to my forehead and tries to smile, "If you need me just yell for Billy, okay. I'll make sure he's by the door just in case." 

I nod slightly and use my good arm to wrap the coat a little tighter around myself. Gwen squeezes my shoulder gently before she heads out and Billy pokes his head in, his eyes closed just in case.

“Would you like me in there with you?” He asks gently. His tone his soft, but loud enough to where I can still hear it. 

I nod slightly, and tilt my head towards the chair, before I realize he isn't looking. “Yeah… if you don't mind. Everything’s covered… by your coat…” I try for a smile. “Which I haven't thanked you for letting me borrow yet, so thank you…” I murmur, trying to keep my mind off of everything. 

His smile is somber but genuine and he quietly walks in. It's so quiet I almost jump when the chair squeaks as he sits down. “So, what were you doing there? Was it a party?” His eyes are soft yet kind of hard to read. 

I chew my lip and nod. “Vought was having a party, and since the company I wrestle for is partners with them, they invited some of us… and… yeah….” I reach to rub the back of my neck nervously out of habit. I clench my jaw as pain rips through the skin and I jerk my hand away. 

He opens his mouth but shakes his head and doesn't say whatever he's thinking about. My mind goes back to what he said earlier, _"Are you fucking serious?” _I wince and try to hide under his jacket, only succeeding in making my back feel like it's on fire. 

Concern flickers in his eyes and he starts to stand to check on me but stops when he sees me start to flinch away, just creating more pain for myself. 

"I'm not gonna hurt you, Love." He holds his hands out in front of him, "I promise. I would never disrespect a lady like that."

I snort slightly, wanting to trust him but not sure if I can. “Yeah, well, the ones who would say shit like that do and the ones you think wouldn't cross that line do.” I bite my lip as I hear the waver in my voice. “But I deserved it, right? My dress was probably too short, I was probably too flirty. I probably led him on, huh? I know it wasn't the low neckline, cause trust me, this one has a higher neckline than the one I was going to wear.” My words come out harsher than I want them to, but at this point, I don't care. 

"Hey now, Love. No one deserves to have what that fucking wanker did to you. _No one_. You could run around in your bloody underwear and not deserve it. What you wear or what you do is not consent." He growls, but it wasn't…. I don't know, it didn't sound aggressive, at least not aimed at me.

I raise an eyebrow. “Then what'd you mean back there in the alley? When you said, ‘Are you fucking serious?’” I look at him as tears start to fall down my cheeks. 

He groans and rubs his neck, mummering "Fucking Hell," under his breath. For a second, I thought bitterly, that I caught him in the act. 

Quietly, I stare at him, waiting to see if he'd stick his foot further in his mouth. 

"That wasn't aimed at you, Ashley. You don't see something like.._that_ and not be horrified." He pinches his nose, "I don't mean it about you, I meant it about what was done to you. There's enough fucking wankers in this world and we don’t need rapists who leave their victim bleeding and burnt in an alleyway…"

I swallow. “I.. I got myself out there. For some reason, it was the place that made the most sense. I couldn't stay in that office any longer… I couldn't go down to the party…” I look down, feeling ashamed that I didn't do more to stop it and that I'd jumped to conclusions about what Billy had meant. 

His eyes soften and he kneels in front of me, making sure I could see all his movements. The sentiment isn't lost on me. "Hey, whatever you're thinking, it isn't your fault. I know enough men in this world are fucked up cunts with a thirst for control. You can think about what happened all you want, but it won't change what happened. All it will do is drive you mad…" he swallows hard, and for a second his words give him away. Or his emotions at least. Something tells me this wasn't the first conversation he's had like this. Part of me hopes it's the last one he'll have.

“I'm sorry.” I whisper. “I… I didn't mean to cross a line…” 

"Sweethea- Ashley," he corrects himself, "you didn't cross any lines." 

I chew my lip as I look at him. “You can call me Ash… if that's easier on you…” I offer softly. “And I did cross a line. I upset you, you can't hide your emotions very well right now.” 

He smiles crookedly, eyes pained "William Butcher, but most everyone calls me Billy." He swallows hard and runs a hand over his face, scratching at his beard angrily. It would have made me flinch earlier, now I'm just confused and concerned.

Part of me wants to reach out to comfort him, pat his shoulder or something, but I don't want to push any boundaries. 

"It happened to my wife," I barely heard him at all, but at the same time his words were ringing throughout the room. "Same fucking place…" his eyes squeezes shut, and he refused to move, his fingers digging into his palms. 

Hearing him admit that he'd been a second-hand victim of the same asshole makes my heart ache. Fresh tears spring up in my eyes. “And they let him get away with it so that he could do it again?” Anger boils up in me as my voice cracks. 

"Motherfucker was never convicted in the first place. The crown-fucking-jewel in Vought’s crown… and my Becca killed herself or was killed by them. I don't fucking know." He hisses out, voice rough as if the emotions slammed into him and rendered him barely able to speak.

A lump forms in my throat as I watch him. His words hadn't fully processed but once they did, my stomach dropped. “I'm so sorry…” I whisper, unsure of what to say. 

He takes several long breaths and looks at me, "I’m sorry he got away with it the first time and did this to you, Ash."

I shake my head. “It's not on you. I promise you, it's not.” I whisper. 

He looks at me intensely, "It's not on you either, Ash. I swear to you, it isn't." 

Quietly, I look down. “It's easier to blame myself than to think that someone could be that sick… especially someone like _that_. Maybe Fitzgerald had the right idea with his corrupt American Dream concept.” I mutter darkly. 

There's a cough and a muffled chuckle, Billy rubs the heel of his palms over his eyes. "Did you just make a bloody _Gatsby_ joke?"

“It's either that or shut down on you completely.” I smile dryly at him. “Cause if I keep talking, I can try to keep my mind off of everything that's happened.” 

"...Fair enough, Ash" 

A moment later, just before an awkward silence fell upon us both, there was a knock.

Billy excuses himself and barely has time to open the door before two men rush in. One of them’s alternating between swearing in English and French while the other follows behind, getting ready to ask Billy something. 

I barely make out the words, “I don't know what the fuck to do, but how can I help?” amid the newfound chaos that's enveloping me. Each swear that falls from the other man’s mouth seems to be louder than its predecessor. I want to curl into a little ball, make myself disappear, but my body won't respond and any movement I make is met with a cry of protest and pain. 

"You can help by not being a cunt and making the woman panic even more, you assholes." Billy has his back to me but there is an exasperated groan followed by a sharp growl. 

Both men stop and look at Billy. 

“If she gets hurt any more than she already is Gwen'll have all of our balls.” He adds. 

My whole body remains tended up and frozen as I watch the three men, my flight or fight instinct was trying to figure out which path it needed to take. 

Billy quietly turns to face me, hands up in a placating motion just as they'd been in the alleyway. “Are you okay?” He slowly starts towards me before sitting on the couch next to me, leaving some space between us. 

I take a shaky breath and bite my lip before shaking my head, "G...Gwen.." 

The man who had been swearing in French nods slightly, “I’ll go get her.” 

The other man was still standing by the door, I vaguely noticed, looking at me and Billy before turning and disappearing around the corner. 

As soon as they're both gone, I let out a breath I didn't know I was even holding as I brush my hair away from my face. What had once been carefully crafted curls were just messy waves, some slightly tangled. The only thing that seemed to be in tact at this point was my eyeliner and mascara. 

"Breathe, Ash. Okay? Frenchie's getting Gwen.” He coaxes, keeping his tone quiet. 

I try to focus on him, but my heartbeat is drumming in my ears and my breath is too loud and shallow. I feel Billy slowly inching closer to me and I tense up before reminding myself he's on my side. I try to relax but my muscles just start shaking, like I've been out in the cold too long. 

Billy swears under his breath, "You're having a panic attack, Ash. You need to breathe, come on, look at me. In and out," 

I look at him, eyes wide and wild as I try to follow his instructions. Hot tears well up and cling to my lashes, _in and out_, I try to keep up with him, but my breathing is still harsh and erratic. 

Billy keeps trying to coach me through breathing, keeping his tone level and gentle. His coaching continues for quite some time before exhaustion starts to kick in as my breathing slowly starts to level out. 

As my breathing starts slowly going back to normal Gwen appears at the doorway, her hair looks like she stuck her finger in an outlet and she had an armful of clothes along with another box of medical supplies.

“They didn't mean any harm, Love. They're good cunts… they just don't know how to be delicate with certain situations. They've got big hearts, but don't always have the fucking brain capacity to match.” Butcher murmurs, not noticing Gwen had returned.

Gwen comes in and closes the door behind her, shooting what I assume is a glare at the two lurking near the corner. I don't have it in me right now to feel bad for them. "Are you alright, Sweetheart?" She sets the clothes on a side table and the box meets the other one on the coffee table. 

I look at her, the tear tracks still fresh from the panic attack. “N...no…” I admit softly. “Just…. got a little overwhelmed….” I add, trying to downplay it, not wanting her to worry more than she already was. 

She moves her hand to wipe away my tears, looking at me first. I duck my head and nod; she wipes them away and kisses the top of my head. "Frenchie and M.M don't mean any harm, Sweetie. They just lost their heads a little."

Butcher tries for a smile. “See, I mean, if Gwen’s vouching for them, then they can't be too bad.” 

I give him a small smile for trying and lean against Gwen, "Okay.."

"Let's get you cleaned up and take a look at these burns, then I'll give you something to help you sleep. Okay?" She presses another kiss to my forehead.

I nod against her shoulder, carefully trying not to disturb the ones on my neck. 

"Do you want to stay with me tonight, so you're not alone?"

I chew my lip, considering the offer. I want to say yes, but I also don't want to cause more trouble or any more disturbances than I already have. “I…. If it's not too much of a problem I won't object.” 


	2. Ash's POV

My arm cries out in pain as I roll over, forgetting it'd been broken the night before. I force myself onto my back as it all comes back to me. My breath is ripped away from me as I let it all sink in.  
Closing my eyes, I feel tears start to spill over again. Silent sobs wrack my aching body. I could still feel his hands on my skin. No amount of showers could ever clean that filth and the guilt I'm stuck with off of me. But maybe it'd help me clear my head. Slowly, I force myself into a sitting position. I can't see Gwen in the dimly lit room. Checking my phone, I'm told it's a little after 5 in the morning. I have to be at work at 9 for some press related work. Wincing, I make it to my feet. Gwen let me borrow some leggings and an oversized shirt. I rake my fingers through my hair, trying to put it in order before I leave the room.  
It's relatively quiet in the safe-house or whatever it's called. No one's up, or maybe even here. Panic seizes my chest at the thought of being somewhere alone and it squeezes my heart as I make my way to where the living room would be. Its grasp doesn't release until I see Billy sitting at a table with a mug and papers in his hand.

Billy glances up from the file he's looking at. "Morning, Love." He smiles thinly.

"Hi..." I shift my weight awkwardly.

"Did you sleep okay? I know the damn couch isn't too comfortable."

"I've slept on worse." I smile slightly. "Where's everyone?" I push some hair out of my face.

"Gwen went out a little before you woke up, and I'm not too sure about the other two cunts." He admits with a half-shrug.

I nod slightly. "Y'all wouldn't happen to have a shower would you?"

He laughs softly and nods, "Upstairs, first door on the left. Be careful, alright? Gwen would kick my ass if anything happened to you while she was gone."

"Thank you... and thanks again for last night." I whisper.

His eyes soften as he shifts in his chair to look at me. "It was nothing, Ash. I.... No one should have to go through what you did. Are you feeling okay, or at least better?"

I force a smile. "Fake it til you make it... and I gotta just push through."

"Just... don't push too hard, alright?"

I nod slightly. "I'll try..."

Quietly, I head up the stairs and follow Billy's directions to the bathroom. It's a small bathroom but not too cramped. A couple of towels and rags are tucked below the sink. Some soap bars and bottles rest in the shower with some shampoo bottles.

Taking a shaky breath, I slowly start to undress. I refuse to look at myself, not wanting to see the new marks that littered my skin. Hissing in pain, I straighten my arm to get the top that I had on off before switching on the water to let it warm up.

Leaning against the counter, I try to just force myself to push it all to the side and come up with a believable lie for the broken arm. The lump forms in my throat again as I stare at it. Gwen and Billy had kinda guessed it was a clean break, separating my arm in two awkward pieces. The break seemed to be right below my elbow, but without an x-ray no one would know for sure. Bruises enveloped the weird lump that was my bone and you could make out a handprint. My body was a canvas of evidence, but nothing could actually be done because of who was incriminated by it. Anger surges through me and guilt trails behind it. I sure as hell wouldn't be the last woman he'd do this too unless something is done. But there's nothing that can be done. He's Vought’s golden boy. He's untouchable. It'd be like saying that the star football player of some high school had touched you inappropriately. Everyone would paint him out to be the victim, while the actual victim becomes the villain.

I test the water and try to mull over if saying I fell would be a believable story. I'm not reckless, especially knowing I have work on a daily basis. Once it's warm enough, I stand under the water. I duck my head as I let it hit my tense muscles. Each motion I make results in protests from my body. I allow myself to stand under the warm water for a few moments before I start to clean up. Bruises that I didn't even know had been created swell and turn a sickening shade of purple. No amount of makeup could cover that. Maybe some heavy photo editing, but the company always prides itself on its lack of airbrushed photos, only editing when there's a green screen and wanted to put us in wild situations. Of course, the one who's supposed to be the girl next door and little Miss Goody-Two Shoes would be the one to break that tradition.

The shower water mixes with the tears that fall down my cheeks. Sooner or later I'll be all cried out and maybe I'd be numb enough to make it through some mundane tasks. At this point I'm not sure if the tears are from the pain that's physical or from the emotional trauma. I try to adjust to the lack of my right hand since that's the arm that Homelander had broken, but it was my fault it got broken. I'd swung at him with my right hand after he refused to take no for an answer, which was stupid of me, but I wasn't going down without some form of a fight. I remember the snap that followed him grabbing my arm. A shudder rips through my body at the vivid memory. Something told me that no matter what I did, the memories would always be as vivid as they had been when they happened.

Sighing, I stand under the water again and force myself to calm down enough to be able to prepare myself to face the rest of my day.

Once I get downstairs after getting dressed, Gwen's leaning against the stairwell. Resting on her shoulder is a black duffle bag and in her hand is a piece of fabric.  
"Hey, sorry I wasn't here when you woke up." She smiles sheepishly.

"You're fine. I haven't been up that long..." I smile slightly.

"Good. How are you feeling? Need any painkillers?"

"I wouldn't say no." I laugh slightly.

"Here, why don't you take this," she offers me a sling, "And I'll go get some medicine for you, okay, sweetie?"

I nod and gently pull the sling on before heading to the main room.

"I brought some of your stuff over too. Figured you'd be here for a little so why not make it at least a little more... enjoyable." Gwen adds.

I call a quiet thanks out after her.

"There's coffee, if that's your thing." Billy offers as he hears me approaching.

I quietly thank him and head to get a glass of water.

"You hungry?" Gwen asks, looking over at me as she slides overs the painkillers.

Nodding in thanks, I take the pills. "A little. I was just gonna grab something on the way to work." I admit.

She looks at me. "You're going back to work?"

"I don't have a choice, Gwen. I mean I'm useless in the ring but I'm sure Jason can find something for me to do."

Billy rounds the corner, quirking an eyebrow at Gwen and me. "Whatcha talking about, ladies?"

"Ash wants to go back to work today." Gwen looks at him, her eyes slightly pleading.

"That's not a good idea, Love. You're hurt and you can't afford to get more injured."

"I can't afford to just do nothing either. I can't just..." I sigh.

"And didn't you say your company has ties with Vought? What are you gonna do? Tell a fucking lie and hope they buy it?"

"Yes, I'd lie. You... you know what he's capable of." I whisper. “What else can I do? Try to fight him again? We, well you guys saw the aftermath, saw how well that went.”

Billy's eyes flicker with an emotion that I can't read. Perhaps it's understanding. Maybe I'd hit a nerve without meaning to.

"Ash, just stay out for a little." Gwen looks at me sadly. "Billy's right. You could get hurt worse."

"I can't... You know me." I whisper. "I can't afford to stay out. I'll go absolutely insane if I don't have something to do… or to keep me distracted.”

Billy and Gwen exchange a look. "Is she always this bloody stubborn?" He asks.

"She's just passionate about her job." She smiles dryly.

A few moments pass as Gwen and Billy silently debate the problem and I'm stuck feeling like a teenager waiting for the green light to go out with friends.

"Just... be careful, alright? And don't get hurt more." Billy sighs as he relents.

I nod. "I shouldn't get back too late. They'll probably send me home early since I can't wrestle."

°°°°°°°°°

"You broke your arm?" Jason, the promoter for the wrestling company, asks, eyeing my sling.

"Yup. And it's my dominant arm so I can't do signings." I purse my lips. “Whoop-de-doo.”

"How'd you manage that?"

"I just... tripped and fell. It was a late night and you know how I am when it comes to heels..." I sigh and wave my left hand dismissively, silently praying he'd buy the lie.

Jason groans and puts his head in his hands. "Fucking hell, Ash. We're doing Vought press this whole week."

"We are?" I feel the cotton filling my mouth as my heart pounds in my chest. Just my luck. I attempt to fight back the panic that threatens to consume me and would force me to shut down in front of Jason. With my luck I would've been assigned to the douchebag himself. The thought of having to do a photo shoot with him makes my skin crawl. Suppressing a shudder, I watch Jason’s reaction.

"Yeah, we are. And you're one of my damn top wrestlers who can't do anything now." He sighs. “Fuck.”

A knock at the door pulls our attention away from this discussion. I quietly look over at Jason, wondering if he'd been expecting anyone.

"You wanna get that for me please?” Jason asks.

I shrug with my good arm before heading to open the door. My eyes widen and my voice fails me as I find myself face to face with America's favorite superhero: Homelander. Somehow in the light of day, seeing his face makes everything worse. Everything that I had been suppressing and blocked out comes rushing back to me as I meet his eyes. If he realizes this, he doesn't let on, just smiling warmly at me, treating me as if I was some starstruck fangirl.

Recognition flashes across his face. "Ashley, right? Or would you rather me call you Lexi here?"

I swallow hard and open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. My body switches to autopilot as I step to the side, allowing the man into Jason’s office.

“You two know each other?” Jason stands to shake his hand.

“Yep! We met at the party last night. Very sweet woman, and she looked simply gorgeous last night, if I do say so myself.” He adds with a chuckle and a smile.

I watch as the two men shake hands. My stomach churns as I force a smile. _Just play along with the little game_, I tell myself. _One thing at a time_.

“So, Jason… what do you want me to do? Am I sitting this one out?” I cough slightly, finding that if I keep my focus on my boss, I can force myself through this exchange.

Jason hums in thought as he sizes me up. “How bad is it?”

I shrug. “I… I don't know. I think it's a clean break, right below my elbow. So, I really should sit it out… don't want to cause more damage and have me out longer.”

Homelander turns his focus to me. “Sitting it out? Why would you do that? I'm sure we could make something work with your sling. I was really looking forward to working with you.” There's a slight frown in his tone.

The words die out in my throat at that revelation.

“In fact, your company sent us the list of wrestlers we’d be working with and there was a bit of a fight over who'd be working with you. I had to stake my claim, so to speak.” His smile is innocent but it's not hard to catch his sick justification of the events from last night.

Jason sighs. “Well, you can't take bumps or anything with a broken arm. And we really don't want any promo photos of you in a sling… fuck, why'd you have to pick last night to be the one night you can't walk in heels?” He teases.

“You know I can't walk in heels ever, Jay.” I crack a tiny smile.

He eyes me, studying me. “Yeah, I… don't know what we're going to do with you, Ash.” He sighs again.

“Excuse me, I know someone who could help. We've got a few small-time heroes in the smaller cities and towns. I think we just added a new recruit who's got healing powers. I could go get her for you.” Homelander offers. “Or have someone get her.”

Jason looks over at the hero. “Really?” He weighs this over: weighing my safety vs the cost of losing this deal or even having to push it back.

I look down at the ground, trying to keep myself calm and keeping my distance from Homelander. It's kinda hard in Jason’s small office but I can keep at least 5 feet between us at all times. It's why I jump when I feel a gloved hand grab my ass.

“You better hope that the lie you told is a fucking believable one, cause you and I both know it’d be a nightmare if _your_ dirty little secret got out. And of course, we can't let some wrestler ruin my reputation or Vought’s, for that matter.” Homelander whispers threateningly in my ear. “If you tell anyone at all what happened last night, I'll fucking kill you and I'll burn this damn place to the ground.” He releases his grip and smiles at Jason. “What's the verdict, sir?”

“How long will it take for you to get your person?” Jason asks.

“An hour tops. I'd be back in time before your crew’s set up.” Homelander shrugs, keeping the friendly smile.

“Alright… go ahead and get them. I need my best wrestler in decent shape.” Jason nods before turning his focus to some paperwork. “Ash, head on down to makeup and wardrobe.”

“Sure…” I mumble numbly heading towards the door. I'm reaching for the doorknob when I'm blocked by Homelander, who insists on opening the door for the lady. Swallowing every fear and curse I've got, I walk past him, keeping my distance as I head down the hallway.

I knock softly before entering the dressing room. The women inside greet me happily, behind mindful of my arm before fussing over me. I don't recognize them so they must work with Vought.

“So, we were thinking about giving you a new style for this shoot…” One of them starts as the other works to gather up the items for the shoot.

“As long as I can wear converse I'll be happy.” I smile slightly.

They laugh.

“You can, don't worry.” She reassures me as she lays out the outfit. My usual denim shorts have been traded out for black high-waisted ones, which I don't mind. I love high-waisted shorts and jeans. The shorts are paired with a white shirt that's been cut like a crop top while keeping the shirt intact by having the remaining length hang down in strings. In the center of the shirt is Homelander’s logo and the sleeves of the shirt have been removed and the sides cut open right above my hips. Tucked under the white shirt is a bandeau with the American flag printed on it.

“And we were thinking red high tops.” She adds as I take it all in.

I tilt my head. “Isn't the shirt a bit… much? I mean, do I really need to show my sides and where my bra would be _that_ much?”

“Don't you ladies usually show _more_ with your ring gear?” She counters.

“Some of us, yes, but not all of us.” I frown as I pick up the shirt. Did they really want to pass me off as some fangirl?

“Well, we thought it'd be a nice change for you!” Her co-worker tries for a cheery tone.

Quietly sighing, I chew my lip. “Thanks for designing this.” I gather up the items and duck into the little changing stall.

The process of changing takes a little bit longer than usual considering my arm. Eventually I get dressed shyly step out to model the new look.

“Can you take the sling off? It's kinda…” She makes a face.

Clenching my jaw and swearing under my breath, I take the sling off and keep my arm at an angle.

“Sweetie, you've got to move your arm.”

“And risk breaking it more?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Well, we can't see if it looks okay on the side…”

Rolling my eyes, I turn so my left side is to them. “See?”

One of them rushes forward to make a few adjustments while the other excuses herself to answer the door. I try not to flinch with every motion she makes to reach out and tweak the outfit.

A blonde woman in a leather jacket steps in. Her eyes are a piercing shade of green.

“Oh my god, you're Lexi Barnes. My son absolutely loves watching you.” She grins brightly.

I smile slightly, hoping it doesn't look too forced or fake. “Aw, I'm flattered. What brings you back here, ma’am?”

“I'm here to fix your arm.” She nods to it, trying not to cringe when she sees it.

Nodding, I head towards her. “Homelander said you've got healing powers?”

She nods. “Along with other things. Back home they've dubbed me The Savior.” The woman looks at me before she gently holds my arm where it had broken. “It might feel a little bit warm, okay?”

“Okay…” I watch her hands quietly. Warmth slowly starts to spread over the break, radiating from her hands into my skin. It's not unpleasant but it's not exactly pleasurable either. It's like when a hot towel is first placed on you and you have to adjust before you can relax and appreciate how it feels fully. I close my eyes and stay perfectly still for the woman, despite wanting oh so desperately to flinch away from her touch and anyone's touch at this point, really.

“Go ahead and move it for me.” She gently instructs.

I slowly move my arm, bending it slightly. My eyes widen when pain doesn't surge through it as I move the limb. “Holy shit…” I look at her in awe. “Thank you so much!”

She smiles warmly. “I healed up the mark around it too. Be more careful next time, okay?” The Savior adds quietly.

I nod. “How can I repay you?”

She laughs. “No, no. I'm a hero, that's what I'm supposed to do.”

“I insist.” I smile softly.

“Okay, fine. Can I get a picture with you? My son will love it.”

“Of course!”

°°°°°°°°°

“Please tell me you didn't wrestle with a broken arm.” Gwen pleads as soon as I make it in the door.

“I didn't. Some Supe named The Savior healed up my arm. Seemed pretty nice.” I shrug as I shift my bag before I start to take off my jacket.

“Oh, hey, you're ba- what the _fuck_ are you wearing?” Billy frowns and looks me over, his eyes resting on the logo on my shirt.

“Trust me. Not by choice. And it gets worse.” I show them the side.

“Holy fuck. Are they trying to turn you into that cunt’s arm candy?”

My stomach drops. That thought hadn't crossed my mind. “I… I don't think so? I'm a fucking wrestler, not an escort.” I scoff.

“Were those bruises there before?” Gwen asks gently.

I nod. “They just hadn't developed till this morning or last night after you checked me out.” I fight the urge to tug the jacket back on and zip it up.

“So, if you're not his escort, what the fuck do they have you doing?” Concern colors his tone as he folds his arms across his chest.

“Right now? Just press and promo related crap. And that's gonna be my life for the next two months. With very little wrestling, because now the company wants to turn me into the face, but I've got to look pretty. They were beyond pissed about the bruises and I'm sure once they find the burns they'll be overjoyed about that too!”

“Ash, they're gonna screw you over with this.” Gwen looks at me. “You're going to get the bad end of this deal.”

“I don't have a choice, okay? Trust me. If I could get out of there, I would.”

Billy and Gwen exchange a look before watching all of the life drain out of me.

My shoulders slump and the lump in my throat returns. “There's no way out unless I put others in danger.”

“There's always a way out, Ash… just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.” Gwen puts her hand on my shoulder.

I shake my head. “Did Becca tell anyone?”

Billy frowns at me. “Tell anyone what?”

“About what happened….” I look at him.

Silence passes as he runs his hand through his already messy hair.

“She… she told me… but that's it, as far as I know.” Billy murmurs.

“And where’s she now?” I whisper.

“Dead. Vought fucking killed her, or she killed herself.” He looks at me, his eyes filling with water. “Why? Why does her story matter?”

“He keeps his threats then. If he threatened me, then he probably threatened her, too. Good to know, yeah, I'm fucked.” I whisper.

“Ashley, what happened?”

“If I tell anyone, I'll be killed by Homelander personally and then the gym will be burned to the ground.” My voice cracks. “So, there's no way for me to get out of this damn situation.”

“What did you say when Jason asked about your arm?” Gwen coaxes.

“I lied. I said I tripped and fell. Blamed it on the heels and it being late at night. He bought it…” I whisper.

“He didn't notice anything off about you? At all?”

“I faked it. I kept my distance until absolutely forced to be near… him…”

Gwen sighs. “Ash, I’ve got a really bad feeling about this…”

I look at her weakly. “My hands are tied. I… I can't let anyone else get hurt or worse because of me.”

“Love, we’ll figure out a way to bring that cunt to justice. Sure, it'll be a little unorthodox, but we’ll make it work. It'll be gory and bloody and diabolical. All I need is your trust.” He smiles crookedly at me.

I open my mouth to answer but stop as the door slams open right behind us. And that's when all hell breaks loose.

“Butcher, we've got a problem.” The African-American man from last night starts.

“What happened?” Gwen asks, turning to look at them.

Both men looked equal parts frustrated and pissed but the Frenchman had a little bit of shame mixed into his expression.

“Frenchie fucked up.”

“Just throw me under the fucking bus why don't you?” Frenchie sneers.

“What do you mean, Frenchie fucked up?” Billy frowns, his voice bordering on a growl.

“The dumbass didn't want to stick to the plan, so Lamplighter got away.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gwen snarls. “You two… you… where'd he go?”

“We don't know.” He sighs.

Billy runs a hand down his face before grabbing a coat by the door. “Fucking hell. You cunts had one damn job and you managed to fuck it up that bad?” He grabs his keys.

“Can I help?” I ask quietly.

“No.” Everyone shouts in unison, resulting in me flinching.

Butcher looks at me softly. “Stay here. Okay? I've got the notes you'll need in the other room.” He motions to a door. “Gwen’ll call you since she's the one who has your fucking number if we need anything.”

I nod softly. “Okay, just… be careful. All of you.” I chew my lip.

Gwen kisses my temple before the four of them rush out the door.

I take a quick shower and change into some sweats and an old shirt before I settle in to look over the research Billy and the rest of the team had done. He and Gwen had been on a stakeout last night before they'd come to find me. It hits me that Lamplighter hadn't been there with the rest of The Seven today for the collaboration. Frowning, I start to rack my brain for any mention as to what she was up to.

_“Oh, it's just some secret mission, don't worry.”_ Homelander had said with a grin. _“You know, superhero business.”_

Maeve had backed him up with a nod.

What secret mission was that? Based on these notes it was nothing good, for sure. I continue to mull over the files, memorizing them on the off chance that Gwen called. After I've got those down, I move to the next stack of files. Someone named Mallory was the ringleader of sorts of the team. They had the most connections to Lamplighter. That's when it all clicks. This was clearly personal. Mallory and their team have so much dirt on Lamplighter, and just like when we try to make a feud more personal, we target the family members of our opponent, Lamplighter sure as hell was going for Mallory’s family.

Swearing softly, I call Gwen and start pacing as I wait for her to pick up. I groan as it goes to voicemail. “Gwen, it's Ash. Lamplighter’s gonna go for any family Mallory has. If they've got children or even grandchildren, that's who Lamplighter’s gunning for. Okay? Get to Mallory’s family members.”

I end the call and swear as I pace, my phone not leaving my hand. Almost an hour had passed and no phone call. I try to call Gwen back several times but no answer, that woman never leaves her volume up, I swear to God. The pacing continues and doesn't stop until the door is thrown open nearly two hours later.

I quietly grab a crowbar and make my way slowly to the door, ready to swing at whoever it was coming in the door.

“Easy there, Ash.” Gwen quietly placates as she and Billy come in.

“Did you get my voicemails?” I ask softly.

Gwen’s brows furrow and she checks her phone. Swearing softly, “Did something happen while we were gone?”

I shake my head. “I mean, I figured out Lamplighter’s plan… I think….”

Billy looks at me. “You did? How?”

Gwen ducks her head as she listens to my frantic voicemails. Her face falls as she listens. Shaking her head slowly, she pulls her phone away. “She was right.” She tells Billy.

“Where's everyone else?” I tilt my head. “I don't want anyone left in the dark…”

“Ash, they left. Probably ain't coming back either.” Billy mutters.

“They left? Why?” I frown. “I thought you were a team.”

“Mallory’s grandkids… they were killed by Lamplighter. All that remains of 'em are some piles of ash.” He looks at me, his eyes hardening. “Which you probably already knew. How'd you know? What, did Vought tell you all of its dirty secrets in exchange for ours?”

“What? No! I literally didn't even know y'all were chasing any supes at the moment, other than your Homelander hunt.” I reply defensively.

“Then how'd you know it'd be Mallory’s family paying the fucking price?” He snarls.

“Vought's a dramatic company. They have to find ways to keep things interesting for their actors and the people in the company. We do the same thing when we feud. If a feud’s kinda dull, we make it personal. So look at it like this, Lamplighter had issues with Mallory. Mallory has the upper hand with all the dirt they’ve got on her. So what do you do? Knock ‘em off balance. You get personal. You get dirty. You target their family.” I explain.

Billy studies me, not sure what to make of my logic that brought me to this conclusion. It's right, and he can't deny it, by the logic is a bit hard to swallow.

“Okay, but how'd Lamplighter find out about the dirt?” Gwen asks.

“I don't know. But I can assure you, it wasn't me.” I glance at Billy before looking back at Gwen. “Vought’s got eyes and ears everywhere. It's got to in order to be able to show up at crime scenes and other crises.” I start pacing.

“They've got facial recognition, I'm sure. Grab a few videos from a security camera or something… get some faces… scour a fucking database…” Billy mutters.

“Exactly. And she was able to somehow link Frenchie and his buddy to Mallory…”

“Buddy is a bit of a stretch.” Gwen chuckles slightly. “M.M. and Frenchie are probably closer to frenemies.”

Billy chuckles and grins at me. “You're fucking brilliant, Love.”

I smile shyly. “Let's not start celebrating just yet. He’s still out there…”

Shadows cross Gwen's face. “Not for much longer.” She and Billy exchange a look before she walks out of the room. When she comes back she's got a couple of bags on her shoulders.

“Where are you going?” I ask, frowning as I take in the sight.

“I've got some stuff I've got to take care of. I'll be back, and I'll stay in touch. Don't worry.” She smiles warmly at me. The fire in her eyes gives her away. It's the same look I'd seen in Billy’s eyes whenever he talked about Homelander or heard about the trauma the cunt had caused. It's blood-thirsty and driven. It's a hunger for revenge.

Gwen hugs me tightly. “And I'll actually answer my phone when you call.”

I laugh and hug her back. “Just… be careful okay? Don't be stupid.”

Billy hugs her after she's done hugging me. He whispers something to her, and her cheeks heat up before she smacks his chest playfully.

She waves and the two of us watch as she heads out.

“You asked me something earlier…” I look at the door as I talk.

“What was that, Ash?” Billy looks at me.

“You asked for my trust. You've got it. Vought's got to go. It's causing more harm than good. No one can take it down alone. So I'm in. You've got my trust.” I turn and look at him, my mouth set in a firm line. This goes against everything I used to do, working against Vought. But after everything that's happened, things need to change. And I'm going to help the best way I can.


	3. Gwen's PoV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Gwen for writing 90% of this chapter. Love you girlie

I lost track of how long it's been since I left; days turned into weeks and weeks to months, so on and so forth. It feels like it's been for-fucking-ever since I last saw them face to face. M.M never answers my calls or texts. He stopped sometime after the first anniversary of the Mallory's deaths. I can't really blame him, honestly. Besides, he should spend time with his wife, she was expecting their first child by the time this shit show happened. He needs this.

And Frenchie? I haven't heard from him since he ran off. He got there just as Mallory saw her grandchildren's remains. He couldn't take what happened to them, to her. He left us a voicemail and he never picked up, then his number changed. 

Billy and I kept in contact with each other, we called twice a month to make sure we were still alive. Sometimes the calls lasted seconds, sometimes hours. But he always asked me why I was still on this suicide mission to take down Lamplighter by myself. I never answered. I couldn't. That fucker destroyed my entire life.. And to an extent, Billy understood it. He hated seeing me do what he'd done for years now, but he understood. And that's why I'm helping him take down Homelander, he deserves closure as much as I do.

Ash called and texted me as often as she was able, some days it was long talks, others just making sure we were both as okay as we can be. It all just depended on her work schedule. Some days were harder than others for us to talk. Not because we didn't have enough time, but just because we couldn't be there physically. It's hard being away from them, and little pieces of me chip away everyday. But I had my mission, and I wasn't stopping until I absolutely had to. 

°°°°°°

Stepping inside the room I rip off my wig and throw it on a table. I stumble and collapse onto the couch, kicking my heels to the side. Today was hellish, I couldn't find any leads on Lamplighter, he up and vanished. Currently working on something top secret my fucking ass...Vought knows what happened to Mallory and decided to shuffle one of their jewels into the vault until there's no risk of someone trying to take him down. Well, they can keep him hidden for years. I'll still find him. And once I do, I'm gonna strangle him to death with his own fucking staff. 

I slump back into the couch for a few minutes before getting up and going to the bathroom. Carefully peeling off the prosthetic cheek pieces, setting them in a container to be cleaned later. Then my blue contacts come out, set next to the jars of other colored contacts. Vought is a fucking bitch, and facial recognition is only gonna get my ass into deep shite. So I adapted and learned tricks to fool the cameras. 

°°°°°

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" Gasping I leaned against the door to my apartment; the motherfucker found me. I need to go, now. I'd stayed in the same place for too long. I was usually better about that, staying only a week or two at most places, never leaving a trace. I duck around and grab the literal basic necessities, dumping the contacts down the toilet before grabbing a can of gasoline and spreading it all throughout the rooms. Slinging two bags over my shoulder, I drop a lit lighter and run as far away from the building as I can, ducking in alleyways and dark corners. I might not look very conspicuous just holding two duffle bags and backpack, but I have a steel paddle strung across my shoulders. And right now, I need to hide.

And hiding from a shadow is literally impossible. Of course, of all the Supes that they'd send it would be the resident ninja-assassin hybrid: Black Noir. 

I was so very, thoroughly fucked. My ears twitched at the softest sounds and my heart was thudding in my chest. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins but it wouldn't be enough to keep me from being carved like a fucking Thanksgiving turkey by one of America's Sweethearts. I continued my path, weaving in and out of anywhere I could, considering ducking into a business of some sort. Stealing a glance over my shoulder, I frown when I don't see anyone behind me. My head whipped around to face forward again before I find myself almost face to face, or face to mask, with the man that had been hunting me. There's not enough room for me to turn and run, so I reach for my paddle and stand my ground.

Black Noir tilts his head slightly before drawing a dagger and swiping it at me. I duck and spin on my right foot, kicking my left out to trip him. He jumps back before lunging for my throat but I sidestep. A slight grunt escapes his masked lips as he appears to study me. I use this opportunity to attempt to push him back. He blocks it and twists my arm before pinning me to the pavement. Noir's knife rests on my throat and I take this moment to kick at his leg. My foot find his knee and he falls backward slightly. I scramble to my feet before swinging my paddle. I kneel over him, nearly straddling him. The paddle finds the side of his face with a _thwack_! Anger boils in me and I fight to keep it in check. Paddle hit after paddle hit rain down on his face. I've lost count as to how many hits he's been on the receiving end of when he shoves me backwards. 

He stabs at where my foot at been, nicking my boot slightly. The both of us make it to our feet, watching the other one, anticipating their next move. 

Noir kicks at me and it hits my side. Groaning in pain, I force myself to stay upright as he circles me, knife slashing with every step he takes. Each of his motions comes up empty. Eventually I manage to catch him off-guard and plant a gnarly kick to his face. He stumbles back, hand flying instinctively to his face. The kick hurts enough on its own, but I'm sure it was more brutal thanks to the goggles gracing his face. He suddenly straightens up, tilting his head slightly. He throws a knife at me, and I dodge it effortlessly before it wedges itself in a dumpster, and darts down towards the other end of the alleyway. 

Catching my breath, I check my ribs from the last kick the asshole had landed. A light hiss escapes my lips, yep, they're probably broken or at least bruised pretty badly. The air around me starts to heat up and once I look up from my ribs, I find myself in the path of a fireball. I narrowly am able to roll away to avoid getting turned into Kentucky Fried Gwenny. The dumpster where Noir's knife was lodged catches fire behind me. As I make it to my feet, heavy footsteps approach me. A low chuckle erupts from the person's chest as I find myself chin to staff. Lamplighter. Of course that's who had called Noir away, or perhaps Noir had called for backup. 

"So, you're the girl that hurt dear ol' Noir?" He scoffs. "You're really not that much, now are you?" His voice throws me off. I was expecting something smooth and rich, but instead am greeted with the voice of someone who's had one too many packs of cigarettes. All that fire must have actually taken a toll on the Supe. Pity nearly forms in me until I remember what he and his ally had done to my brother and other innocent folks. 

I growl and kick at his knees, bringing him down right on them and on the pavement below. I kick at his head and he swats my leg away with his staff, knocking me off balance. He leans forward, jabbing the staff into my stomach, igniting it every so slightly. He was clearly in this for the long run seeing as the staff's heat was merely uncomfortable, and not strong enough to singe my skin or leave much of a burn. I manage to shove the staff away and kick at his ribs before I hit him in the chest. The force could've caused some serious damage to a normal human, probably leaving a gnarly bruise on the sternum. But with a Supe? I'd be lucky if this did enough to even make him feel slightly uncomfortable. 

Groaning slightly, he makes it to his feet, his hand resting over where I had just hit him. His expression is covered by the shadow formed by his hood, but I can see his lips curling into a cruel smile as he lets out a shout before he jabs at me and I roll out of the way. He whacks my ribs right where Noir had kicked me. Pain roars through me and I clench my jaw as I fight it back. 

My foot finds his gut and sends him back a little bit. It's not enough to keep me out of the range of his staff, I find out as he whacks my other ribs harder than their mates. I step back a little, the flames from the dumpster making our shadows seem larger than life. He lunges forward and manages to get my arm. The skin starts to bruise and I lunge at him. My fist finds his cheek and then his lower jaw, sending his hood falling. Panic flashes very briefly in his eyes and he lets out another shout before the head of his staff erupts in flames, blinding me long enough to pull his hood up and leave me momentarily dazed. The staff extinguishes as quickly as it lit up and he uses it to knock me on my back. 

Black spots dance in my vision as my head hits the pavement. I desperately try to focus on anything to clear my vision. 

Lamplighter chuckles as he makes his way, slowly, over to me before he takes his time, hitting each of my limbs forcefully. He starts with my right leg, hitting my shin and then my thigh. He then moves to my hip bone and jabs at my ribs. I hiss in pain and a smirk forms along his lips. 

"So damn fragile..." He purrs in mock pity. "So fucking delicate...and breakable..." He whacks my wrist and I gasp in agony. He continues his methodical hits, with the only place he avoids being my head. He opts to dangle the staff inches above my forehead, forcing me to stare at it and bracing for the final death blow, before he whacks my shoulder. I force back the tears that sting my eyes. The smoke from the dumpster is starting to get thick and my throat is starting to feel the effects of it. I start to cough harshly. 

He takes his time with each hit. Is each one getting a little stronger than its predecessor? Each hit echoes slightly against the brick walls. The hits are methodical, but they're not consistent enough to allow me to brace myself for the next impact. He whacks my ankle before he stands over me. He raises his arms above his head. The flames in the dumpster flicker in his eyes. They're a darker shade of brown that borders on black, and the light makes them look like coals desperate to burn and cause some damage. Shadows cover his face but they don't hide the white glint of his perfect teeth. Just like the fire he channels, his smile is equal parts sinister, beautiful, and unhinged. Everything slows down as he starts to bring his staff down towards the invisible target on my forehead. Without thinking about what could go wrong, I lift my leg up and kick his knee as hard as I can. 

His eyes widen, and I'm sure mine mirror his shock, as we hear the _snap!_ My chest heaves at the realization of what I had just done and adrenaline floods my veins as I scoot out from under him before he starts to fall to the ground. His staff clatters to the ground as he reaches to clutch his knee. I had managed to push it all the way back. Fire flickers in his eyes as he growls at me. I turn on my heels and start to rush out of the alleyway only to have my spine lit up with one last hit. I turn around and kick him in the chin, harder than I had before, causing him to fall with his back to the pavement. Quickly, I gather up my bags. His leg is at a sickening angle and I could hear him pleading for backup or an airlift or something as I rush out of the alleyway. 

My lungs protest as I run for a few blocks before I end up doubled over and coughing violently. My mind reels. I needed to get out of here and get somewhere safe. My clothes smell like smoke and it was far too risky to check into a local motel. Once I can breathe again, I duck into an alleyway with a dead end. Leaning against the wall, I close my eyes and let the pain be felt. Somehow it helps me keep my head clear. 

_Okay, Gwen, assess the damage.._ I tell myself. Gently, I prod my ribs and hiss in pain. I could feel little cracks in some of them. _Fuck_. In the faint neon lights from the signs on the front of the buildings and across the street, I can see the bruises forming. Small little black and purple marks litter my skin. The only evidence of the altercation in the alley was Lamplighter's knee and the burning dumpster. Vought would find a way to cover that up though, I'm sure. I mean as far as the public was concerned, he was on a top secret mission. The dumpster fire could be written off as some teenagers fucking around or even some transients trying to get some warmth for the cold night. The knife would melt away or would somehow be returned to its rightful owner. There'd be no evidence other than my ribs, the smell that clings to my clothes and my body, and the bruises. I punch the wall as it all sinks in. I had been so fucking close to taking at least one of the two cunts down. And I couldn't even manage that. I shake my hand before I reach in my bag to pull out my phone. Part of me debates sending a text message, declaring that I'd be coming over but I think better of it. I just hail a cab and give them directions to an address a little bit before the safe house. 

°°°°°°

I bang on the door and just wait. My ribs ache and each of the bruises sting. Some cuts I hadn't even noticed were there burned as the fabric of my shirt rubs them. Maybe Noir had done some more damage than I had originally thought. 

The door slides open and Billy raises an eyebrow at me, resting his crowbar over his shoulder as he takes in my disheveled sate

"That's no way to greet a lady, Butcher." I purr playfully as I look at him, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of my lips. 

"Well, I'm sure most ladies send out a warning message when they're coming over..." He retorts. "What the fuck happened, Gwen?" He quietly takes on of my bags from me as I shoulder the other two. 

"I got into a fight. I was so fucking close..."

"With who, Love?" Billy frowns softly. 

I sigh as I lean against the doorway. "Noir and Lamplighter." 

Billy looks at me. "What?" His eyes fill with concern and a little bit of annoyance. "How stupid can you bloody be?" He hisses. 

"It's not like I meant for it to happen!" I protest.

"Oh, yeah, cause it's not like you were trying to track the fucking cunts down." He mocks with an eye roll. 

"Just Lamplighter!" I protest as he gently grabs my chin to examine my face for any damage. His lips are inches away from mine and his breath his warm and smells faintly of scotch. 

"You know they move in pairs, Gwen. Or always have back up." He chides. 

"Yeah, well, I lost his trail and then next thing I know the fucking ninja is banging on my door and chasing me through the town." I grumble. 

Billy shakes his head and sighs. "What's the damage?" 

"Couple of broken ribs, some small cuts, and a lot of bruises. At least, that's all I'm aware of." 

He shakes his head, pinching his nose with a growl "And what about the cunts? How much damage did you do to them?" 

"I atleast dealt a good bit of damage to Noir, got him with my paddle in the face a few times. Hope he feels it for awhile." My lips twist into a sadistic smirk, "I broke the fiery cunt's leg and clipped his face good." 

He chuckles and sets his crowbar down, "Ya did good, Demon. Now get your bloody arse inside before somethin' else happens to you, dumbass. And let me look at those ribs of yours" he holds the door open wider and lets me in; my bags end up on the floor near the sofa and my paddle, seared black on the end from Lamplighters fire, was left leaning against the wall next to his crowbar.

He grabs a medical kit from under the coffee table and parks his arse on the table, he motions vaguely to the couch. I pull my lightly seared shirt off and sit in front of him, pulling my dark hair up and out of the way while he grabs creams and wipes to clean the scratches. In the end my ribs are binded, and the more severe scratches on my legs and arms are cleaned and bandaged. Fucker is cheeky enough to slap a Hello Kitty bandage on my cheek, at least he gave me a shot of straight whiskey. That shit burns going down, then it's all warm and numb. Better then guzzling cheap beers.

He smirks as I cough slightly. "How have you been? Other than getting all roughed up, obviously..."

I shrugged, "Not bad, learning new tricks on how to get around unnoticed. Shame I lost all my shit when I burnt the place down. That stuff wasn't easy to swipe." 

Billy tilts his head slightly. "I'm sure you can come up with something to make it work, you're a fucking genius when it comes to fudging things to make it work." 

My lips tilt up, "Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Handsome. 's mostly cosmetic shit I need to swipe. Makeup and prosthetics can really change how ya look." 

He winks playfully at me. "Anytime, Beautiful." Billy studies me for a few moments before chuckling. "Never pegged you as the cosmetics type." He teases. "But, I'm sure it's fucking brilliant like you said." He gets up and heads to the kitchen, returning with an ice pack and offering it to me. 

"You'd be amazed what you can do with that shit," I press the ice pack to the back of my neck and grab my phone, flickering through some old photos and show him one of my personas. Long strawberry blonde hair with blue eyes, my chest bound down to look younger. I looked like a young teen with a knack for super girly crap.

Billy's eyes flit between the photo and my face. "Holy shit... You did that yourself?" 

"Damn right I did. Pain in the ass to do, but I did it"

He whistles appreciatively. "Damn, I might have to step up my Halloween shenanigans." He jokes. "But seriously, that's fucking brilliant, Love. You've got a talent for shit like that." A crooked smile forms on his lips and it's almost as if I never left. Almost as if nothing had changed. Almost... M.M wasn't bitching in the corner about some scuzzy recon shit he had to do, Frenchie wasn't blasting his weird Opera music in the kitchen or his designated laboratory, and Mallory wasn't dropping in unannounced to check on progress and hand out missions. 

The silence hangs between us for a few seconds. Not quite comfortable, but better than being alone.

Billy's the one who breaks it by clearing his throat. "Would you like me to get you a change of clothes? You should probably get changed into something that's not gonna aggravate the scrapes and such. And something that doesn't fucking reek of the Firey Cunt." He stands and gives me a warning look when I start to get up, "No, you're resting. Just tell me what clothes you want." 

I roll my eyes and sigh, "There should be a baggy flannel and some shorts in the grey bag," I didn't mention that I happened to have swiped said flannel from Billy before I left. 

He nods. "Anything else you need or want?" He coughs awkwardly. 

"Just that, Billy... and...thank you. For everything tonight." 

He smiles and shrugs. "You'd do the same for me, Love. Just sit tight and I'll get those for you." He heads to grab my bag. Billy's gone for a few seconds before laughter erupts from where my bags were at. "So _that's _where this bloody thing went!" 

I groan and cover my face, only to have the clothes flinged at my head, "Oi! Watch it you bugger!" 

"Looks like we've got a shirt thief in our midst." He smirks. "Does it even still smell like me?" He raises his eyebrow. 

I pull the shirt on and stick my tongue out at him, you know, like an adult. "Wouldn't you like to know!" I also decide not to mention the other stolen shirts in that bag... ever.

He snorts. "I was just asking so I could trade you shirts... ya know so you have one that smells more like me, cause I'm assuming that's why you bloody stole it." Asshole should know better than to pull that shit with me. I'll just knick 'em without telling him. 

"Me thinks you just want this shirt back 'cause it smells like me now," I roll my eyes and change into the shorts, 

His cheeks are darker, but I'm not sure if it's because of the comment I'd made or because I'm changing. "No, I just like that shirt. But it's not about me! We're talking about your thievery! Which should be punished." He jokes. 

"Always knew you were a kinky sonofvabitch, Butcher~" 

Billy laughs. "Oh, no. You've gotta take me out for dinner first, Haven." He hums in thought. 

I look at him. "What did you have in mind then?" 

Billy smiles crookedly. "Cuddlin' with me and watching a movie of your choice? Until you fall asleep, Love?" 

Fucking hell, why does he switch from a cynical motherfucker to a goddamned puppy? It's not fair to me or my heart. Also cuddling? This fucker fucker woulda never said shit like this before. He's getting soft or I'm special, probably the former, if I'm honest 

"Unless you had other ideas that don't involve things we could regret in the morning hours?" He smirks. 

Cheeky motherfucker, well atleast he's back to normal. I can handle him like this. "Behave, William~" I tease back, "Not sure which of us would regret that if it happened, though. Which it's not..." 

He shrugs. "You're too injured for it, and I don't want to make it worse." He smirks. "Besides it's _you _who'd regret it, Love."

I snort playfully, batting my eyes "And why's that, Mister Playboy?" Course I probably already know the answer, there's a pain in my chest but I ignore it. I shove it away and focusing on the ounce of normalcy.

"Oi, I'm not a Playboy. I'm a very loyal and classy cunt, okay? And I don't know. You don't seem like the type to sleep with your friends, especially not your best mate. Unless, you see me as more..." He quirks his brow at me. 

I divert attention and toss a pillow at his smug face, fucker is a little too close to the bullseye and I'm not having this conversation now. I know how it ends, and I'm not having my best friend walk away because I'm an idiot. "Watch it, cheeky Bint!" 

He laughs and throws the pillow back at me. "Fine, fine. What movie would you like to watch?" If he noticed anything about my change in tone he doesn't say anything about it. He doesn't pry, which I'm thankful for. Because honestly, I don't think either of us could handle that right now. 

After poking around his piss poor movie selection I pick some old Disney movie, one that, surprisingly, isn't filled with romance or curses. Halfway through I fall asleep on his shoulder, knowing full and well my ribs will tell at me in the morning. Fuck it. I haven't seen this bastard in two years, I'll take what I can get. 

Billy kisses my temple, but it's platonic, before he shifts so I'm laying positioned slightly tucked into his side and slightly on top of him. It's intimate but something tells me it's better than him carrying me to my room and possibly reinjuring my ribs. I feel him shift the blanket I was wrapped up in so it's covering the both of us. 

°°°°°°

The next morning, I wake up to Billy's faint snoring. My ribs ache slightly as I shift to look at him. He'd stayed on the couch with me last night. My heart melts as I take in his sleeping form. His arm is wrapped loosely around my waist, and this is the most relaxed I've ever seen him. 

I shift a little to hide my face from the sun filtering through the blinds. 

A grunt of surprise answers me as I hide my face in the crook of Billy's neck. 

He chuckles sleepily. "Morning, Demon."

Heat rushes to my ears, "Morning, Asshole." I smirk, stuttering my feelings into a small box. 

"How are you feeling?" He brushes some hair out of my face. 

"Still sore, but less than I thought I'd be." I shift a little off my side, taking the pressure off my ribs. 

"Want some painkillers?" Billy asks softly. 

"Should probably eat first, not s'posed to take them on an empty stomach. Or with alcohol, like some people" I squint up at him, nudging his hip. 

"Oi, oi, oi, alright you bloody heckler. 'nuff about my bad habits." 

I smile sweetly. "You love me~." 

Billy smiles. "That I do..." 

Something stabs at my heart again, but I shutter it away and smile like nothing's wrong. Oh, but how wrong I was...


	4. Killian's PoV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So you're getting this one before wattpad is :O just because I like this format better. I kinda want to play with PoV's to tell the stories/kinda wanna have that skewed perspective (which is something I fully intend to play with in the next chapter) so the PoV's will be indicated in the chapter titles from here on out. Again, thank you so much to Gwen for all of your help and making me choke on various drinks while we were brainstorming for this one. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> TW: Mentions of/Implied Abuse

The ring feels heavier in my jacket pocket than it did three years ago. I don't know why I still hold on to it, but I do. I gently hold the velvet box in my hand, my thumb rubbing over the box. That's when my other hand starts to tremble. 

_ Shit. Not now... _ I jam my hand into my pocket, trying to ignore how bad it looked and hoping no one would read between the lines or jump to unflattering conclusions. Especially not here of all places. 

Heaviness and rage mix in my heart as I stare at the grave marker in front of me. 

_ Liam Jones, beloved brother and Naval Officer.  _

The lump in my throat burns as I cough it down. Him joining the Navy had been our way out, but just like everything else, it'd gone to shit. Just like everything else that bloody company touches. 

I awkwardly toe the clump of grass forming at the edge of his grave. 

We had it all planned out. The mission Vought sent him on would be for a few years, just to test out if supes would work in branches of the military. Or even if second generations, like ourselves, would work. They say he was killed in the line of duty, but I don't buy it. Part of me thinks Vought sent him to look for something that could serve as his weakness, the one thing they could use to keep him in check. The other part of me thinks that he'd just gotten too old for them to play God on, so of course, they covered it up as that. The tiniest sliver in me holds out hope that it'd been what they said: killed in the line of duty, but that's just the naivety speaking. 

After everything our father had done to us we still held out hope that maybe he would come back and take us away from Vought. In the end Vought had killed both of them and crippled me. All I have left of them are the things they left behind, their flags, and their medals. 

My hand curls into a shaking fist in my pocket, and I'm barely able to calm the instinct to run. All these people who barely knew my brother stand around in silence as a priest speaks, and my eyes linger on the dirt which holds the last member of my family. It'll all be over soon, that's the only thought that can sooth the maelstrom in my mind. Then I'm done, and I can get justice. Revenge. 

A dark part of me enjoys the thought of revenge, of making these cowards pay for what they've done. That dark part lingers and grows, a twitching ache under my skin that makes my fingers twitch and my teeth grind. It's all horse shit now though, I can't do anything yet. But soon... soon I  _ will _ . And for now, it's enough to keep me going. 

When the priest finally shuts his mouth, I stand in front of the gravestone and say a few flowery words. Just enough to please Vought and the men and women my brother worked with. I set a small picture next to his gravestone, the once happy family we had, the one that died with him. I will always love the brother I had, his death will forever impact who I am, but there is nothing else I can do but bear with it.

After the ceremonial dirt’s settled, empty condolences are offered. I just nod listlessly, my mind in other places. Forcing a smile, I just shake everyone's hand and accept the hugs from their spouses as they're offered. There weren't any family friends invited, because we didn't have any. The closest thing to family Liam had, outside of myself and our late father, were the men and women he had been in the Navy with. 

At least the Navy men and women were genuine in their sadness. Liam wasn't a hard man to like, and he never seemed to care what a person was doing as long as no one was harmed. Of the two of us, he was always the more level-headed one. Perhaps that was because he was the older of the two of us. 

The ones that I recognize from Vought are a little too engrossed in the surroundings to even feign some form of regret, but could I really expect anything less from a company that would buy us from one of their own employees? Their suits are a little too light and crisp against the blacks and browns and even muted greys from those who were actually here to pay some sort of respect. I hang on the outskirts of the others who had come to pay their respects. 

_ At least he had a funeral. _ I think bitterly. There wasn't much left of the others I'd lost at the hands of Vought. They'd never really found my father’s body (or at least that's what they said; they claim they never found his killer either, but I have my suspicions) and Vought had refused to have one for Milah…. All they offered was the NDA. I turned it down at first but forced myself to sign the NDA, figuring it's what she would've wanted. And I'm sure another one will follow with Liam, especially since they insisted on a closed casket funeral. My stomach churns and my jaw clenches at the thoughts of what could've been done to him. 

For all I know, there might not even be a body in that casket and Liam's body is stored somewhere else being dissected and studied…. I force away those thoughts, bile rising to the back of my throat at the thought. 

As the mourners disperse, Vought’s vultures make their way to me. The rush of my blood in my ears drowns out the empty condolences they offer as my eyes flicker to the two men who stand beside them. Of course, adding insult to injury, they had brought along the scientists who had poked and prodded at Liam and me the second that our dear father signed the papers to give us away. 

I almost miss the proposition since I'm so caught up in my rage and hurt. 

“Pardon?” I ask the suit in front of me. 

“We need you to sign an NDA again.” He coolly explains. 

“What about the one that's already on file?” I raise an eyebrow. “Just edit it so it fits your needs.” I shrug and let the bitterness color my tone. 

He purses his lips. “It's not that simple, Mr. Jones.” 

“Oh, but it is. It's just not that simple when it's not convenient for  _ you _ .” 

Clearing his throat, he extends the signature leather folder that contained any form that Vought wanted to use to cover anything up. “I understand you're still processing the loss of your brother, but you need to sign this as soon as possible.” 

“Or else what? You'll send your people to kill me? Send Fish Brains to kill me? Make it look like I drowned and The Deep couldn't save me?” I sneer, my lips curling around the name of my father’s trainee; the man who had served as the son Brennan Jones had always wanted. 

The man’s lips press into a thinner line as he stares at me expectantly, folder still outstretched towards me. “Just sign please. You know how Vought’s NDAs work. As you've said, you've signed one before.” 

I push the folder back towards the man. “I don't give a damn if I've signed one before. I just lost my bloody brother thanks to a fucking mission that  _ you _ sent him on. You standing here, at his gravesite, and offering me a contract to make me promise my silence is the biggest bloody slap in the face.” 

Shamelessly, the man takes the paper out and forces it into my hand. “We’ll give you time to think about it, but since this isn't the first one, you won't have much time.” 

The scientists murmur amongst themselves and openly take notes. My blood boils at the thought of being their experiment despite me no longer being kept in their lab under contract. If my hand wasn't shaking as bad as it was, I probably would've ripped up the damn paper and thrown it at them. Instead, I clench my fist harder in my pocket and grip the other paper as they walk off. 

The scientists scribble a few notes down before nearly scampering off after the suits. 

Scoffing, I turn back to Liam’s grave. It's slowly being filled. “I'm sorry brother…” I murmur as tears sting my eyes before I walk away, in search of another grave. 

The tremors start to slow down as I walk. The ring starts to gain weight in my pocket again the closer I get to her grave. Milah… my sweet Milah. We'd been together for a few years before everything went to shit. The night I lost her was going to be the start of the future we had planned out. 

°°°°°°

_ She laughed as I excitedly swung our hands.  _

_ “Where are you taking me, Killian?” Her dark eyes sparkle in the neon lights.  _

_ “You'll see, Love.” I wink playfully.  _

_ Her dress was a flattering shade of red and was tucked under my black leather jacket. She'd started to get a little cold so I let her borrow it. It looked adorable on her and made my heart melt.  _

_ Grinning, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to my side before I kissed her head.  _

_ She hummed happily and leaned into me more. “Can I at least get a hint?”  _

_ I pretended to be deep in thought. “It's somewhere we've been before, my Love.” _

_ Her laughter rang through the busy street like some secret song only the two of us knew. “That could be anywhere!”  _

_ I grinned crookedly. “Exactly. It's still a hint, though.”  _

_ Milah rolled her eyes at me playfully before she kissed my cheek. “I love you.”  _

_ “And I you.” I smiled softly at her as we walked. I wanted to propose to her on the boardwalk where we had met all those years ago.  _

_ Her dark hair was curled and pinned half up with a few strands framing her face. She looked simply gorgeous.  _

_ We made small talk as we walked. We talked about everything from work to sights we see on the journey there.  _

_ Her eyes lit up when she saw the boardwalk. A nervous laugh fell from her lips as I tugged her further on the boardwalk, heading towards the far end of it.  _

_ “Do you remember this place?” I asked her coyly.  _

_ She laughed. “Of course. How could I forget this place?”  _

_ I winked playfully before she turned away from me. I watched as she leaned against the railing. The wind tousled her hair and she closed her eyes as she breathed in the salty air.  _

_ Quietly, I got down on one knee. “Milah…” I started.  _

_ She turned to face me, her eyes widened as she looked at me. Her hands flew to her mouth.  _

_ Smiling crookedly and shyly, I opened my mouth to start my proposal. It soon was twisted into an expression of horror as a hand burst through her chest, pushing her heart out.  _

_ Pain and shock flashed in Milah’s eyes as she lowered her eyes to look down. Right where her chest should be was a huge hole.  _

_ Moments later she collapsed to the ground.  _

_ I rushed over to her, desperate to stop the bleeding. “No… no…. no….” I begged, my hands trying to stop the bleeding. “Someone call an ambulance!” I called.  _

_ Her dress was turning a shade of burgundy as the blood spilled out of the new crevice in her chest. Her eyes were frozen open in a state of shock. My hands turn the same shade as blood engulfed my hands.  _

_ A condescending laugh pulls me out of my panic and shock.  _

_ Standing above us is Milah’s ex-husband, Mr. Gold. Or rather, that's what the public knew him as. Milah never told me his real name and I never pried.  _

_ “You… why?” I looked at him. This was one of the people sworn to protect us. The ones who weren't supposed to do us harm but to save us.  _

_ Gold shrugged callously. “If I can't have her, no one else can.”  _

_ I made it to my feet, growling at him. “You're supposed to be a bloody hero!” I shout.  _

_ People were starting to stare now. Maybe some were filming on their phones.  _

_ I jabbed my finger into his chest. “Milah was right. You're a fucking coward.” I snarled before I swung at him.  _

_ He effortlessly dodged my punch and grabbed my hand. His eyes harden and his hand, gripping my fist, started to take on a texture similar to crocodile skin. “I'm a lot of things, but a coward isn't one of them.”  _

_ Pain surges through me as he shoves me backwards.  _

_ People buzzed around me. Some stayed put, stunned at what they were seeing. It's not everyday that you saw your hero… much less did you see your hero causing such damage.  _

_ I started to try to get to my feet, but Gold’s quicker. He stomped hard on my left hand.  _

_ I cried out in pain as he dug his heel into my hand.  _

_ Gold smiled darkly as he watched me struggle under his boot. I might have been able to get away from him had it been a normal human being pinning my hand down, but it wasn't. It was a damn super-abled human. After what seemed like a few hours, he let my hand go.  _

_ I watched as my hand swelled and turned a ghastly shade of purple.  _

_ Cradling it to my chest, I watched him “accidentally” kick Milah’s body towards the water below.  _

_ “Let that serve as a warning, Jones.” He sneered before he headed down the boardwalk.  _

°°°°°°

I quietly set the flowers down on Milah’s grave. The last name on her gravestone makes my stomach churn:  _ Gold _ . She divorced him but Vought insisted on burying her under his last name. Something about it’d be better for everyone. 

“I'm sorry, Milah… I am… I shouldn't have taken you to the boardwalk that night. I should've just proposed at the damn restaurant.” I whisper. “I promise I’m going to make him pay.” 

Despite losing her three years ago, the pain was still raw. The anger was still burning brightly. The desire to make Gold pay wasn't going to die out anytime soon. I wouldn't rest until he was dead. 

My hand starts to shake again as my eyes start to water and my mind wanders over to the NDA Vought had forced on me. 

I swipe at the tears angrily. How many people were in the same boat as me? How many others had lost their loved ones, purposely or as collateral damage, to Vought’s toys? How many bodies buried in this fucking yard had died after seeing some horrific shit? My throat closes up with anger as I sink to my knees and cry. 

Vought has ruined my life and they need to pay for it. But I had to bide my time and play by their rules until I could come up with a course of action that would definitely work.

°°°°°°

A few days had passed since Liam's funeral. The NDA is still nestled in my pocket and the phone keeps ringing every so often. A new voice is on the line each time but they have the same purpose regardless of the fresh voice: Have you signed the NDA yet? Do you want to talk to a lawyer about it? Would you like to make a counter offer? And my answer doesn't change: no. I need time. 

Broodily, I watch as the waves crash on the shore. Kids and their families were splashing in the waves and playing in the sand. A pang of jealousy and sadness pierces my heart as I watch them. That could've-no, that  _ should've _ \- been Milah and me. I rip my eyes away from the happy scenes unfolding as I watch the horizon. The sea seems to stretch for miles and miles. It beckons to be and calls to me. Part of me wants to answer her call, just take my ship and sail until I can't sail any further or something happens. But if I leave then I'll be no better than the monster that killed Milah. I'd be a coward. And Vought would continue to ruin lives. 

I'm weighing my options when she sits down. She doesn't say anything, just pulls her hood up over her head and hugs her arms around her chest. Part of me wants to ask her why this bloody bench and couldn't she see it was occupied, but I couldn't bring myself to. She hadn't tried to strike up a conversation when she sat down and she was at the other end of the bench. Something told me she didn't want to talk; she’s looking for comfort in the ocean just as I am. 

I watch as she wraps her arms around her middle, a position I was all too familiar with. For me, it was always attached to the crazy idea that maybe I could hold myself together and I wouldn't shatter into a million pieces. Her chest moves to rest on her knees as she keeps her eyes forward. 

Quietly, I turn my focus back to the ocean and back to my thoughts, but the girl is making it hard to think. She isn’t loud or rude or attempting conversation; she's just there. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her body start to tremble with quiet sobs. My heart aches for this stranger and I find myself turning to look at her. 

“Excuse me, Love, are you okay?” I ask gently. 

She turns to look at me slightly, tears falling from her grey eyes. “Y..yeah…” she whispers. Her tone is miserable and pained. 

My eyes soften. “You don't look okay. What's wrong?” 

She wipes at the tears with the sleeve of her jacket. “Just a bad day at work.” She turns her focus back to the waves. 

I place my hand on her knee and she flinches away, nearly moving to the arm of the bench. I quickly pull my hand back, realizing I'd crossed a line. “Apologies. What's your name, Lass?” 

“What's it to you?” She scoffs. She doesn't look at me as she speaks. 

I try not to take the underlying venom in her tone personally. “I… I'm just curious, and I'm sure we might feel a little more comfortable talking if we knew the other’s name. That's all, Lass.”

She shrugs loosely, her head tilted away from me. Her clothes are rather disheveled and it looks like there are bruises peeking up her neck. The edges are the soft yellow of fading bruises but the centers, from what little I can make out, are still purple and blue. The way the bruising is shaped, well it almost looks like a handprint. Just the utter thought of it made my stomach roll, and memories of Milah showing up at my apartment with similar marks flood my brain. 

“I'm Killian.” I offer quietly, hoping to coax her out of her shell. Maybe, just maybe I could help her by offering an ear to listen. 

She stays quiet, her fingers playing with a loose string on her sweatshirt. Perhaps it was a nervous tic, or just something to keep herself busy. 

Eventually, she pushes her hood back and forces herself to look at me fully. Her eyes hold mine as she pushes any and all emotions down. She looks familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. “Ashley,” she says finally, “My name is Ashley. There. Happy now?” Her voice is raspy and slightly stuffy thanks to the crying she had been doing and possibly was still doing.

Her grey eyes are darker, and scarily blank. Like she had forced everything that made her who she is out of them. There was no life shining in her eyes, and in that moment, it felt like another part of my heart broke for this young woman. There is traces of tears in her eyes and redness leached onto her cheeks and made them splotchy. I quietly scold myself for finding the woman beautiful, despite her outward appearance. Other people would write poetry on finding women beautiful no matter how they looked physically, but I was wondering how insane I had gone to think of a perfect stranger like this.

I shift a little in my position on the bench, but I don't move closer to Ashley. “It's nice to meet you, Love. Have we met before? You seem awfully familiar and I can't place why.” I keep my tone soft and gentle. She'd just opened up ever so slightly to me and I didn't want to ruin it. 

The walls go up in her eyes again. “I wrestle on the side sometimes.” She says dismissively. “Maybe that's why I look familiar.” She waves her hand while the other continues to play with the string. Her tone makes it clear that she’s trying to downplay what she does and she doesn’t want me to make a big fuss about it.

I look at her again and almost bite my tongue. Fucking hell, I'm an idiot. I've seen her before about a dozen times and heard about her more than that. My Milah was a fan of wrestling; mostly she had just enjoyed it for the rivalries and watching people get the shit knocked out of them. She was a big fan of Lexi Barnes, to the point she owned serval posters of the lass. And maybe, she'd grown on me too. 

“Oh, you're Lexi Barnes.” I murmur, trying to fight back the awe. Though Milah would be heartbroken to see her favorite wrestler so broken. 

Ashley keeps the blank expression and forces a thin smile. “Ta-dah? Just call me Ashley, okay?” 

"Aye, I can do that, Ashley." I give her a small smile back, and somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice is laughing... it sounds oddly like my late girlfriend's laughter and I don't know whether or not I should be disturbed by it.

The woman relaxes a little against the back of the bench. Her eyes flicker back to the ocean. “I… I just…” she runs a hand through her hair, before she speaks. “I'm sorry for interrupting your ocean gazing moment.” 

I chuckle softly, "It's quite alright Lass, to be honest it's nice to talk with someone again instead of sitting alone." 

She snorts. I'm not sure if it's in amusement or disagreement. “Huh. Must be nice… to just be alone and just… be able to process what you're thinking or whatever.” Bitterness colors her tone slightly.

I scoff before I can stop myself, "You'd be surprised, you don't get much thinking done. It's mostly… regret and dark thoughts that cut like razors till they claim their pound of flesh." 

Ashley falls oddly silent and she tugs the already oversized sleeves down a little more over her hands as she ducks her head and mutters something I don't quite catch. 

As she moves, her hair falls to the side, exposing the back of her neck slightly.  _ Is that a burn? _ I think to myself, trying not to gawk until she moves her hair back to hide whatever it is. Swallowing hard, I fight back the urge to ask her. Best case scenario it was a cosmetic related injury, like if it was a burn it was due to a curling iron or something; worst case scenario there was something darker going on with the wrestler. Silently, I pull the NDA out of my pocket. “Can I get your opinion on something?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. 

The brunette arches an eyebrow at me, “Sure?” Her head tilts slightly as she waits for my question. It was a look I was slightly familiar with seeing as I’d seen her do it before in some media interviews. It’s a coy little head tilt like one you’d expect from a puppy; if you ask me, it really helps drive home the whole girl next door thing she’s got going for her. 

“If you had an NDA from a large company that had ruined your life, would you sign it?” I watch as the walls go up again, quicker this time than they had before and the hollow gaze from earlier returns. 

“Did yours come with a death threat attached?” She asks flatly as she fights back a fresh wave of tears.

My heart clenches as I watch her. In that moment she reminds me of Milah when things got bad. The broken look and pure defeat, the bitterness used to hide the pain. What had she done, or rather what had happened  _ to her _ , to elicit such a response from Vought, if that’s who she was mentioning? “Ash…” 

She looks down at her phone and frowns when she reads whatever it is on her screen. “I should probably get going… don’t want my roommates to worry about me.” She whispers. Her hands jam themselves into the pocket of her hoodie and she tries for a smile but fails. “Thanks for sharing your bench with me.” 

My stomach jumps in the back of my throat, and something makes me grab a scrap of paper, I jot my number down with my name. "Here, Love. If you ever need an ear or a shoulder, feel free to call me, alright? No questions asked." I hold the folded paper out with a wry grin, honestly not sure if she'll even want my help. 

She looks at me, eyebrows furrowed but carefully takes the paper and stuffs it in her pocket. "Thanks, I guess." She yanks the hood over her head again, "Have a nice day, Killian.." and with that, she turns and walks away. The lump in my throat slowly fades away, feeling strangely better now that she can call me, if she ever needs to. 

I linger on the bench for a little while longer, staring out over the water. When the sun starts to sink over the water I start heading back to my place. Cold and empty as it is, it's still the home I had with Liam and Milah. The NDA papers shoved into my pocket are starting to weigh heavier than ever, and I'm tired of being weighed down. Quietly, I let myself in before I scribble my signature. Taking down Vought would take time and I had to keep it all very lowkey. Might as well play their little games until I can strike.


	5. Homelander's PoV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a bit of a challenge to write. Gwen and I luckily were able to find that balance of creep and PR professionalism for Homelander and hopefully y'all enjoy this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> The wrestling moves mentioned towards the end are actual wrestling moves that inspired me. The first one is in fact called a Shining Wizard. The variation I based it on is AJ Lee's style of it. The finisher for Lexi's opponent is called a Rack Attack. It was made famous by Nikki Bella and I went with the first variation of it (seeing as there's two variations of it). 
> 
> Happy reading y'all.

Watching the brunette perch on the edge of Jason's desk brings me back to the last time I'd seen her on a table, of course she'd been face down... and then eventually facing upwards towards me, I shift a little in the large sofa Madelyn and I were occupying. 

Ashley, or Lexi- I wasn't sure what to call her while she was working considering she'd slipped up and given most of us her actual name instead of her ring name that night- was the one we were waiting for to start the meeting. She's got on tight black leggings and an oversized black sweatshirt with a white logo on the left side near where her heart is to match. Tucked under the sweatshirt is a black sports bra that peeks out over where she had stopped her zipper. Part of me wanted to reach out and pull the zipper down a little more so the bra would be exposed. It would be a better look for her anyways. 

"So, Jason, you wanted to see me?" She asks. She eyes Madelyn and me warily as she pushes some hair out of her face. Tension grips her shoulders and I wanted to be the one to take that away from her, regardless of if that's what she wants or not. But why  _ wouldn't _ she want it? 

Swallowing hard, I shift slightly on the couch. 

“You know Madelyn Stilwell, right?” Jason asks the woman. 

Ashley smiles slightly and stands to shake Madelyn’s hand. “I believe we've crossed paths a few times at Vought’s events we were so generously invited to. It's nice to meet you again, Mrs. Stilwell.” 

Madelyn smiles warmly. “Please, call me Madelyn, Lexi.” 

The brunette smiles crookedly. “Can do. All I ask is that you call me Ashley.” 

Madelyn nods as both women take their respective seats. 

“Is this about the whole partnership with Vought thing? Cause I'm trying really hard to… make sure everyone’s satisfied.” Ashley looks at Jason. 

_ Mmm… you definitely had kept me satisfied.  _ I think as I try to fight back the smirk threatening to overtake my lips. I cough awkwardly, playing it off as clearing my throat. “You're doing just fine, Ash.” 

Her eyes flash with brief defiance at the use of the nickname before I raise an eyebrow at her and the light dies out as quickly as it appeared. The fact that I had as much control over her as I did was a sick, little turn on. Oh, the things I could do with this new-found power. 

Madelyn keeps her friendly smile. “That's what we wanted to talk about. We feel like the collaboration is going very well and would like to work more closely with you and your colleagues.” 

The woman’s grey eyes stay guarded as she silently waits for Madelyn to continue. 

“Which is why we want to up the PR involvement with the Seven and some of your big names as well as bring you all into Vought’s fold.” She finishes, the sunny smile never leaving her lips. 

“What do you mean by up the PR?” Ashley's arms fold across her chest, making me frown slightly seeing as now part of her was hidden from my view outside of my powers. If she notices my disappointment, she doesn't let on, or she thinks it's in regards to her question. 

To be honest, I don't really give two craps about this PR bullshit; I could give Vought more PR in a matter of hours if I got the go ahead from the Big Leagues, but no. They want to do this the other way; the way that doesn't result in the deaths of "Terrorists" and "bad guys". So I have to sit through this annoying bullshit. At least the view isn't bad, my eyes flicker over Ashley’s ass again. 

“Well, for starters, we were thinking about a romance angle.” Madelyn folds her hands in her lap. “One of you with one of the Seven. Could create quite the buzz that could definitely drum up some attention for your little show. And maybe address some… more modern, controversial issues.” 

Ashley scoffs. “It's  _ not  _ little. And I'll humor you, who did you want to fabricate a relationship between?” She raises an eyebrow at Jason, her eyes asking if Madelyn was being serious or if this was some sick prank. 

Jason just twirls his pen between his fingers and shrugs slightly at Ashley’s quizzical look.

_ Ohh, this one still has fire in her, I like that. It'll be fun to break her of that stubbornness.  _

“Why, me and you, of course. You're the leading lady here and I'm the leader of the Seven. Imagine the pure power that relationship could radiate.” I say finally. A small, innocent smile forms on my lips. I don't say that it was my idea. I don't tell her that I had specifically asked Madelyn about the deal and asked her to include a relationship between the two of us. 

“Exactly!” Madelyn adds. “The girl next door with the embodiment of the ideal American hero. It’s a nice little American Dream-esque idea.” 

Her breath hitches in her throat and it's clear that her mind is being forced back to the party. “And what issues did you want to attempt to tackle, Madelyn?” She asks numbly, obviously wanting to change the subject. 

“Well, there's that #MeToo movement going on and I think you have a wonderful platform that could be used to incorporate that. Perhaps a storyline based on the situations encompassed in the movement?” Stilwell offers. 

I watch in amusement as Ashley’s face contorts through a few different emotions. Madelyn has managed to hit not one but two nerves in the last few minutes. It's a new record for her. 

“You want to take a person and put them out there to play pretend with a very fucking real and traumatic experience that women, and men, face daily? Are you that fucking sick?" Her voice was slowly starting to raise and her expression was caught between disgust and rage. "Do you realize how harmful that could fucking be? Especially considering at least one person backstage and in this fucking company has lived that traumatic experience and is forced to wo-” she bites her tongue hard and shakes her head.

I keep my face expressionless. She nearly had let it slip. That fucking bitch nearly let it slip. 

“Just admit you want to profit off of the movement and go.” Ashley grumbles as she tries to tuck away the emotions she's feeling. 

“Well, I mean, it wouldn't be just any person, it would be you. Especially since you seem so passionate about it.” Madelyn adds innocently. 

“And let me guess,” Ashley’s tone is venomous, and it's kinda hot, as she speaks, “It’d segway into your fucking romance novel?” She sneers. 

I manage to steal a look at Jason's face; he looked like he was trying to pull on a mask and failing. He looks disgusted and, quite frankly, a little green around the metaphorical gills. Had he been kept in the dark about the whole situation when it came to the deal? Or was it just Madelyn waiting until all parties were present before dropping bombshell ideas like that? 

“See? You'd be a wonderful asset for us. You see the bigger picture.” Madelyn beams brightly. 

Ashley laughs without humor and shakes her head before she gets up from the edge of the desk. 

“And where do you think you're going?” I ask, frowning at the woman. 

She stiffens, "Nowhere, you don't need to concern yourself with me,  _ Homelander _ .” she hisses my name, almost sending chills down my spine.  _ Fuck, that's really goddamn hot. _

I get to my feet and grab her wrist and she freezes in my grasp. “I'm only going to ask you once, where the  _ fuck _ are you going?” 

Fear shines in the woman's eyes just as it has when I'd pinned her to the wall at the party that night. “For a walk. I need to clear my head.” Her voice trembles as she avoids my eyes. 

Jason clears his throat. “I think that's a good idea. Ash, just… think it over. This is just an idea. I'm sure Madelyn and her team would be more than willing to hear you out if you've got other ideas.” 

Ashley’s eyes flash over to his. Her eyes remind me of a caged and abused animal, waiting for the next hit but also ready to fight if cornered. She rips her wrist free and storms out of the room. 

I watch as she rushes out the door. “You think she’ll come around?” 

Madelyn hums. “I'm sure she will. It's a lot to process.” 

Jason shakes his head with a sigh. “I don't know. She's never been one to to something like this, even with the feuds. She always plans them out so no one is ever hurt, even unintentionally.” He eyes us. “And I'm sure you've heard about her turning down that big deal with the WWE.” 

Madelyn purses her lips. “I heard she turned it down. Never heard her reasons for it. But I'm sure we can all come to an agreement.” 

I raise my eyebrow at Jason. Madelyn and Jason had mentioned Ash had a huge stake in her persona and to an extent the company, despite her not being officially in charge of anything. She'd been a good friend of Jason's for a while and they both wanted the same thing: to work in the wrestling industry. I didn't realize it was that big of a stake. 

“Well, in the meantime, why don't we discuss whatever else you'd like to talk about while we wait for Ashley to come back.” Madelyn gracefully takes her spot on the couch again while I wander over to the window that gives Jason a view of the ring and the gym they'd turned into the venue. Behind my back I toy with the bug, idly twisting it between my fingers. When Madelyn and Jason are lost in their conversation I slip the plastic off and plant it under the lip of the window frame.

Jason and Madelyn’s voices fade to white noise as I stare at the men and women preparing and training for their show tonight. A couple of girls stand clumped in a small pack, chatting nervously almost as if they were having a secret meeting and were scared someone might share any dirt they had on them. Some of the guys are getting in an early workout while a mix of men and women are in the ring taking turns performing takedowns or something of the sort. It’s not too different from the training myself and Maeve do in between missions, PR, and whatever else Vought has planned for us. 

What feels like hours pass and Ashley still hasn’t returned. Looking at the clock, I find out she’s only been gone an hour at most. I start to pace, wanting to get this over with. 

“Do you think letting her meet the writers might make it an… easier transition into the storyline?” Madelyn asks Jason quietly. 

Jason shakes his head. “No, I think she’s pretty dead set on this. I know she thinks you mean well, but she’s more of a…” he trails off as he tries to think of the word. “She’s very aware of what certain things could cause issues for our brand. And she wouldn’t want to potentially damage our reputation, for some of our wrestlers, this is all they have. This is what puts food on their plates, if she doesn't think it's worth it then she won't do it, and she sure as hell won’t ask or expect anyone else to. It's that simple. That’s why I was fine with her being a silent partner of sorts with this company." He rubs his hand over his face and sighs, "I can't actually blame her either, she's always been like this, and it's hard to not understand when you know her history." 

Madelyn nods and I tilt my head as I turn to face them. 

“Her history?” I echo, raising an eyebrow at Jason, for once, not having to feign interest. Ashley had been claimed as mine, regardless of if she liked it or not, so I might as well know something about the woman. 

He grimaces, scratching the back of his neck, groaning under his breath. "That's not for me to say, sorry, dude. But when a wrestler signs a deal with us all their private information is just that: private."

I try for a charming smile, the one that usually wins folks over. “Oh, come on. It’ll go no further.” 

He raises his hands up, "I'm sorry dude, I'm not the type of person to go off and tell my wrestlers’ histories. Even if they were in safe hands. It's not my place, and they trust me to keep everything professional and confidential. If they can't trust me to do that, then they have no business trusting me with their safety inside and outside the ring."

I frown and nod, placing my tongue on the inside of my cheek. “And say, it was in their best interest to, I don’t know… have that information shared, and possibly yours as well, would you make an exception? Because between you and me, Ashley seems a little off… and I’m worried about her well-being as one of her potential co-workers.” I lie effortlessly.

Jason's head tilts to the side, weighing my words. "Thank you for your honest concern about her, Sir. However, if there is anything wrong with one of my wrestlers I will personally look into it before it becomes an issue." 

I smile softly. “Of course. I just want this to be a painless experience for all of us.” I purse my lips as I process the second half of that statement. Business-fucking-men and their catches in the deal. “Based on her outburst earlier in regards to the rather sensitive subject Madelyn brought up and what Ashley stopped herself from saying, I don’t think you’d be the best person to handle this… potential issue..” I widen my eyes in feigned innocence, “Of course, I’m not implying that it was you that… harmed Ashley, but… I’m sure you understand what I’m getting at here.” 

Jason grinds his teeth and looks at Madelyn, as if asking that he really just heard that. "And I would say you are way out of bounds to be accusing me of anything of that sort, Sir." 

“I’m not accusing you of anything, Jason. But I do know it’d be a horrible story if say, someone found out or even said that one of your top female stars was sexually assaulted right under your nose.” I shrug indifferently. “Imagine the press outrage, the backlash from the audience… the young women who look up to Lexi and her other friends…” I click my tongue in disappointment. 

  
  


"Get out.." he slowly raises from his desk, "Get out of my office now. I will not stand for these accusations thrown at me or at my wrestlers." He hisses, his voice low and sharp. If I wasn't a superheroI might have been affected more. This man has a set of  _ balls _ to talk to me that way. 

“No, he stays.” Madelyn finally says. She turns to look at Jason. “He stays or the deal’s off, Mr. Kovak.” 

He takes a long breath and I can see the muscles in his shoulders being forced to relax. "Then, Mrs. Stillwell, give me a week to discuss this with my teams and Ashley." 

Madelyn nods curtly and stands. “As you wish. I’m sure we’ll be in touch soon.” She takes my arm and leads me out of the room. Before the door swings shut, I catch a glimpse of Jason taking out his phone.

  
  


°°°°°°

A week had passed since the deal went awry. Madelyn waits by the phone and checks her emails more than normal in between her business meetings and other projects she’s working on. 

When there’s a moment of downtime, I slip away to give the bug I had planted a listen. Nothing of importance had been said in the time frame since I had planted the bug by Jason’s window. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Ashley’s voice sends a shock through me and I sit upright, hating and loving the effect that fucking woman has on me. The door closes behind her quietly. 

“How are you?” Jason asks, the concern in his tone is genuine. 

“Fine. A little tired of sitting in the makeup chair for so long but that’s what happens when you’re a klutz full time and a wrestler part time.” Confusion colors her tone. “But something tells me you didn’t want to talk to me just to see how I’m doing today…so, please, cut the small talk crap, you know how much I hate it, and tell me what’s up please?” 

I hear his chair creak slightly as I assume he leans back in it. “I just wanted to talk to you about the Vought deal.” 

Ashley sighs. “Look, before we do, I just want to apologize to you for storming out the way I did. That really wasn’t fair to you and that was so fucking unprofessional…and I’m sorry for putting you in that postion.” 

"Hey, hey. I get it. It might not have been professional but at least you only stormed out. I almost cancelled the deal. That fuckin' Supe had the balls to accuse me of assualting you." 

Silence fills the air long enough for me to count to ten before Ashley speaks again. “He what?” Her voice is low and sounds nearly delicate as if it could crack any second, similar to the way it sounded the first time she asked me to stop that night. “Jason, I’m so sorry. I should’ve stayed and then none of that would’ve happened.” 

"Hey, don't you dare blame yourself. Okay? What he said is not your fault. The only one at fault for those words are Homelander. That's it."

“Alright, fine. I’ll… just push it aside for now. So the deal… what do you want to talk about as far as it’s concerned?”

"I have a few ideas, but I want you to remember this is your choice, too. I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to, Kid."

“I know, I know. But at the end of the day, I can’t just look out for me with this deal. Things, as Madelyn pointed out, are going great so it only makes sense to expand more… but I just don’t feel comfortable with the ideas. Especially since one of the ideas hits home…” 

"And we don't want any of the girls going through this circus either…." Jason groans and I could make out him swearing under his breath. 

Another sigh falls from Ashley’s lips. “So, do you think they’d be willing to hear out other ideas? Or are they too dead set on trying to see if they can work us into the movies for their heroes like some crossover?”

"I dunno if Mrs. Stillwell would even hear out any alternative ideas, Ash. She looked pretty damn dead set on everything."

Another silence fills the air. Perhaps they were thinking, weighing the options. 

“Then I guess if we want the deal that bad, we’ll have to give them what they want… or at least stall what they want. Just play it off as us not knowing where to fit it in, maybe?” Ash offers.

"I can work with that, buy us a little time at least."

“Cause this deal as fucked as it is, it’s way too good to pass on… It could really help us out, Jay… and I’ll just do the storylines they want…” Ash whispers. Her voice threatens to crack again. 

There was silence before Jason chuckles, "I think I have an idea, Kid. Give me some time to work it out. I ain't gonna let ya down."

She laughs without humor, it sounds forced even to me. “You don’t have to. I’ll just...suck it up. Maybe it’ll be cathartic or something.” 

"I don't have to but I'm gonna. Because you’re my top girl and I ain't gonna stand to see you suffer for this bullshit. Give me two days, Kid." 

Ashley sighs and I can see her chewing her lip in my mind. “Can you at least tell me what you’ve got in mind? I don’t want to be going into anything blind..” 

A grin pulls at my lips, my ear pressed to the device when there's a loud fucking knock on the door.  _ Motherfucker! _ I drop the device into a drawer and slam it shut just as Madelyn walks in.  _ So fucking close, _

“We’ve got a problem.” Her tone is flat and her walk is tense as she leans against the desk I was sitting at. 

"What happened now?" I snap at her, high strung and tense. I was so fucking close to finishing off Ashley and that fucker Jason. Now I know practically nothing. 

She raises an eyebrow at me. “Your dear second in command has been compromised. He’s got someone on his ass.” 

"Why is this an issue  _ now _ ? We've all had someone on our ass at some point." I raise an eyebrow and look up at her. 

“Yeah, well, this person actually caused damage. As in a broken leg at least. And something tells me they won’t stop until his head’s on a platter.” She hisses. 

"Someone actually had enough balls to injure one if the Seven?" I don't know whether I'm impressed, or fucking pissed off.

“Yeah, and whoever got Lamplighter got Black Noir too.” Madelyn adds. “Noir’s not as banged up, and doesn’t have as big of a target on his back as Lamplighter so he’s not as much of a concern.” 

I can’t help myself as I whistle in appreciation. “Shit…” 

“So, we’re going to need to get a replacement since we’re going to have Lamplighter retire.” She eyes me. 

Of course they're going to retire him, fucker was dumb enough to let himself get tailed for so long then actually got  _ injured.  _

_ “ _ We’ve got a couple of small time heroes in mind. Do you want a say in the final decision?” 

"Of course, Madelyn. This is my team after all, I want to be the first to know who's going to be the newbie."  _ So I can make sure they're worthy of being one of Vought's crowning jewels, by any means necessary. _

She nods. “Of course. I’ll let you know when we narrow it down to two candidates.” Madelyn starts to walk out of the room when her phone rings. She answers it quickly, not bothering to check the caller ID before she does. The call is a quick one and results in her saying, “Thank you so much for reconsidering the deal.” before she hangs up and turns to me. “How do you feel about making your first wrestling centric appearance?” 

Considering I know a few details about what they plan to do I'm  _ very _ excited to slowly break and fully claim that little wrestler of mine. "It sounds absolutely  _ wonderful,  _ Madelyn" I can't stop the small smirk that curls my lips. 

  
  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°

I clap my hands and join in on the cheers for Lexi to rally one last time against her opponent. Why they wanted her to win was beyond me. She was obviously outpowered and was smaller than her opponent, but I guess everyone loves an underdog story. 

Lexi makes it to her feet and kicks her opponent in the gut. The crowd loses it at this point, springing to their feet as she works on getting her opponent to her knees. Once the other woman is on her knees, Lexi beams and winks at the crowd before she runs to the other side of the ring, bouncing off of the ropes. The move she was about to perform was a fan favorite that consisted of Lexi bouncing off of the ropes before kneeing her opponent in the temple and catching a little bit of air. When she had been running through matches while the deal was being finalized, I’d watched her from Jason’s window. I think she called it a Shining Wizard, or something along those lines. 

Her opponent catches her right before Barnes’ knee hits the side of her face. The woman cries out in victory as she lifts Lexi onto her shoulders, using the smaller woman’s own momentum against her. She leaves Lexi face up on her shoulders as she rests her arm across her neck and the other hand on her thigh. The woman then drops down to her knees, jarring Lexi’s body before she falls to the mat. 

“1, 2, 3! Ring the bell!” The ref shouts and motions for the bell as the other woman makes it to her feet. The ref raises her hand in victory as the crowd boos. The woman soaks it all in as her music plays. 

She leaves the ring, taunting the fans as she does. The ref checks on Lexi and I shift in my seat, trying to get a better view and preparing to play my part. There was some sick pleasure to be found in the way that she looked sprawled out on her back like that in the center of the ring. Her chest rises in a steady motion. She lays there for a few more minutes. Her match was the one that had closed out the show. The camera crew crawls into the ring as Lexi sits up slowly. She looks distracted as she pushes some hair away from her face. Her eyes scan the crowd as she says, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, y’all…” she makes it to her feet and asks for a mic. 

With a small smile, she thanks the tech person who had handed it to her before she heads to the center of the ring. The crowd starts to cheer for her as she raises the microphone to her lips. She laughs slightly, but it’s forced, as they scream loudly. Her hand runs through her hair, fluffing it slightly as she does. Once they quiet down, gets one sentence out before they lose it again: “I’m sorry, y’all…” 


	6. Ash's PoV

“I’m sorry, y’all…” I murmur, fighting to keep my voice steady. I wanted to make it through this speech without crying. “I’ve let you all down.You guys have supported me since the day I first stepped foot in this ring, and you haven’t given up on me yet. But lately, my matches have been below what I’ve usually put out. And that’s on me.” I run a hand through my hair as I pace. The microphone feels heavier in my hand than usual. 

My eyes scan the crowd; they’re sitting there in silence. Gwen nods slightly at me, encouraging me silently. We both knew what I had to do, even if it breaks my heart to do so.

“And I’ve always promised you to be as open as I can be. I want to keep that promise.” I sigh and fight back the tears. “I… As of late, I've been incredibly distracted,” Homelander perks up discreetly, but it’s enough to catch my attention. I hold his gaze, trying to ignore the smirk that graces his lips. “And that’s on me… and no one else. I’ve been in a shit place mentally. And…” my voice trembles as I continue. 

Homelander’s gaze hardens. 

“I wish I could tell you why, but I can’t…” I whisper. My voice breaks as audible gasps and murmurs break out amongst the crowd. “I’m sorry y’all… I… I can’t keep working alongside the man who has caused so much pain for me and the people I call family.” My eyes rest on Gwen and Billy. “So with that, I’ve got to make the call that’s the best for me… I’ve got to quit. I’ve got to leave this ring behind. I’ve got to stop wrestling.” I duck my head as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. 

“We love you, Lexi!” A voice calls from the crowd. It sounds familiar but I can’t place it. 

I lift my head. “And I love y’all too… but please… please don’t cry 'cause it’s over.” I wipe the tears that had fallen from my own eyes. “Smile 'cause it happened.” 

A “Thank you, Lexi” chant breaks out and that makes me start to cry more. 

“Guys, no… please… let me finish this before you start that…” I laugh slightly. “Thank you, to all of you who have come out here each and every night that we do this… to all of you who watch us at home, to anyone who’s ever screamed and cheered and just been amazing. Y’all are incredible. And to everyone in the backstage area, thank you for putting up with me and giving me another found family. You definitely made work more bearable.” I laugh again. “And Jason, thank you for giving me a chance and taking me under your wing. You’ve taught me so much more than I could ever begin to explain here.” I take a shaky breath before I continue. 

“And to the company who’s trying to change everything that Jason and I built this company on and for making my life a living hell?” I hold up my middle finger. 

The crowd erupts in loud cheers. I see Homelander stand up, his eyes flickering with a raw energy. 

I take a few shaky breaths as I force myself to stand my ground. “Thank you… all of you. Maybe one day when I’m not dealing with everything that’s in my head I’ll be back. Until then, this is goodbye.” I raise my hand and wave. Tears sting my eyes as I wave. The thank you chants start up again as I roll out of the ring and make my way around to the fans, slapping hands and offering hugs quickly before I head backstage to gather up my things. 

Out of the corner of my eye I see Gwen and Billy make their way to the backstage entrance for fans. Before I can motion for security to let them in because they’re with me, I find myself holding the gaze of a pair of familiar blue eyes. A grin breaks out across my lips as I rush backstage to greet the dark haired man.

I gently make my way through the security team, tech teams, and my co-workers in order to get to him. My arms make my way around him, my chin resting on his shoulder as I hug him tightly. “You came…” I whisper.

"Of course I came, Lass." He chuckles, wrapping his arms around my back. He leans down slightly and rests his cheek on the side of my head. "You did bloody fantastic tonight, regardless of the outcome." Killian doesn't let go of me until I pull away. 

My cheeks heat up and I pull him over to the backstage entrance, where Billy is arguing with one of the security guards. Gwen is a little behind him, rolling her eyes. Today her hair is dark red and it falls to the small of her back, her eyes are dark brown, and her clothes make her look shorter and thinner than she actually is. Meanwhile Billy is just his mussy, Hawaiian shirt wearing self. 

"It's alright Alex, they're with me." I give the guard a smile and Gwen whacks Billy on the head for me. "This one is too, unfortunately.” I joke as I wave at them. 

Billy grumbles something as Alex lets he and Gwen by. 

"Yeah yeah, you know you love us Doll." Gwen comes over and tugs me into a hug and drapes a coat over my shoulders, covering my ring gear. 

"Course I do, you're both still pains in my ass~" grinning and lead them and Killian to the small room that makes up my "office", which is actually just a room for me to change and where I can work on any paperwork I get. “Sorry it's such a mess…” I sigh and smile sheepishly. 

Billy snorts. “Oh, so you'll apologize for a slightly unorganized room but not for not saying hi to me yet?” He jokes. 

"Oh, I thought you were too busy arguing with Alex and swearing up a storm~" I smirk and exchange the coat for my robe. “You've still gotta be nice to Alex and the team, even if I don't work here anymore.” I pull him into a hug. “Hi, asshole.” I joke. 

Killian chuckles softly. “So, do you want me to call you Ashley or Lexi back here?” 

“Ashley’s fine.” I smile sweetly at him. 

"Sorry to interrupt the gooey sweetness, Doll. But think you can introduce us to your Boy Toy there?" Gwen butts in, smirking. 

My cheeks heat up and I send her a death glare. “He’s just a friend, Gwendolyn. Gwen, Billy, this is Killian. Killian, Gwen and Billy.” I motion between the three of them. 

Gwen grins and curtsies playfully, "Pleasure to meet you, Killian." 

Killian laughs and gives her an awkward bow, "The pleasure is mine, fair Lady."

Billy raises an eyebrow before he shakes Killian’s hand. “Nice to finally meet you. Ashley talks about you non-stop.”

I notice the faint tremors in Killian's hand, but he doesn't look nervous. Not that I know why he would be, Billy doesn't look like he'd taser Killian. Then again he doesn't look like he has a few screws loose until he has a crowbar…

“You good?” I mouth to Killian. 

He smiles crookedly and nods, though he still shoves his hand into his pocket. 

I nod back and wrap my arms around my middle. “If I get changed really quick, do y'all promise not to kill each other?” 

"I can promise to stop them from killing each other, but Billy might get knocked around a bit if he keeps swearing like a fucking asshole" Gwen smiles Innocently. Foul mouthed little shit likes taking the mick. 

“The ring’s still up if y'all really need to get physical.” I joke before running a hand through my hair. “I just wanna get out of this and probably head on out soon. There's waters and sodas in the fridge. And some snacks too if y'all are hungry.” I nod to the small fridge in the corner of the room. 

"Might take you up on the ring offer.." 

I double take and Billy is glaring at Killian though his sunglasses. Why the hell Billy is wearing them inside I don't know. I just learned not to question him.

I nod and grab some pants and a shirt. “Just don't do anything stupid… and be careful if you leave the room, okay? The staff is friendly… but I don't know everyone who's here.” I look at them before I duck into the restroom to change. 

I come back out and find everyone in one piece. Gwen’s between Killian and Billy. Quietly, I start to pack up my duffle bag. 

“So how'd you two meet?” Billy asks Killian. 

Killian looks over at me. “Oh, uh, near the beach. We ended up sharing a bench while looking at the waves.” 

The fact that he keeps the story vague makes my heart flutter as I fight back a smile. It almost seems romantic in a way, like those stupid, crappy romance novels that Gwen hates but secretly has a stash of. I shake the thought away; he's just being nice. Not going into the details of my minor breakdown that day… that's all… 

Billy hums softly. “Ah. Just wanted to make sure she didn't give you any trouble.” 

I give Billy a look over my shoulder and raise an eyebrow. “No, I don't think I had it in me to give anyone trouble that day.” 

Gwen elbows him as she realizes what day I'm talking about. He pauses for a moment before apparently deciding it was better to keep his mouth shut. Thank goodness. 

Killian eyes Billy and me, confusion flickering across his features. “Oh, they… they’re the roommates you mentioned the other day.” 

I nod softly as I straighten up. “Yep. They’re the pains in my ass I live with.” I tuck some hair behind my ear and smile softly at Killian. 

A knock at the door makes us jump. Billy makes it to his feet, producing a handgun from his jeans. 

I hiss at him to put it away as I open the door. A sigh of relief leaves my lips as I see it's Jason on the other side of the door. “Hey, Jay. I'm almost packed I'll be out of your ha-”

“Ash, you've got to go,  _ now. _ Vought isn't too happy with you quitting.” He keeps his voice low. “Madelyn is trying to negotiate to find a way to get you to stay… and Homelander is gonna explode if he sees you. You can come and get the rest of your stuff later. Just take your bag, friends and get the hell out of dodge.” 

Billy starts muttering up a swear storm, I swear I will need to get him a swear jar, and Gwen is flashing about, stuffing the rest of my things in a bag. Killian looks confused but when Vought is mentioned he gets a steely look in his eyes. 

"Thanks for the warning, we'll go out the back door in a minute. Make sure no one follows us." I give Jason a quick hug, "Tell everyone I'm sorry I couldn't stay to say goodbye. Take care of them for me, Jay" 

Billy grabs my arm and tugs me around till we get to the back door, Gwen has an arm around Killian and is dragging him along behind us. I can vaguely hear the loud noise of arguments before the door slams shut behind Killian. One of them must have planned ahead because Billy's car is parked back here. 

My blood runs cold as my thoughts move to the people inside the venue. If Homelander is as pissed as Jason said, then they’re all targets. I quietly hope that the fans had already left the building and that not too many of the talent and crew are still in there as we pile into Billy’s car. 

Killian sits in the back next to me as Billy eyes us in the rear view mirror. His eyes are guarded and cautious. There's a slight hint of protectiveness in his eyes as he sees Killian and I are kinda close together. 

A small smile tugs at my lips as I see the rolled paper tucked under Killian’s arm. “You made a sign, too?” I look at him, trying to fight back the awe in my eyes and tone. 

He scratches his neck and chuckles, a little breathless from our run. "Aye, ah… my girlfriend, she was a big fan of yours. She always wanted to make a sign and go to one of your matches. She never got the chance so I did it." 

My expression softens. “I'm sorry to hear that…” I don't know what to say other than that. I don't want to cross a line or say the wrong thing, so I play it safe with just the apology. 

He shrugs and gives me a small smile, "It's alright, Love. I think she would have really liked you, as a person. You're pretty amazing." 

Gwen cooes from the front seat, laughing when I kick her seat.

My cheeks heat up and I look out the window. “Well, there's no way to know for sure… maybe I would've been disappointing to her… you know what they say, never meet your heroes.” My stomach churns at the sick irony of how true that was. Quietly, I lean my head against the glass. “Especially if they work for Vought.” I mutter. 

Billy and Gwen are making small talk in the front seat. I'm not even particularly paying attention to what they're saying but the name Hughie Campbell is brought up a few times. 

Aside from the chatter from the front, the ride is quiet as we arrive back at the safe house. 

Killian looks out the window in confusion. “What is this bloody place?” 

"This, my dear Beach Boy, is our home." Gwen smirks and watches us from the rear view mirror. 

Killian tilts his head and squints. 

"Looks like a bloody shabby home, mate." To be fair it was. On the outside at least. It’s a two story grey brick house, the outside covered in graffiti, some actually done by the guys. There are thick patches of ivy growing up the side and the roof is an old school dark red, and it needed some patching up. 

"It's got its charms," the current red head laughs, getting out once Billy parked. She had my duffle bag over her shoulder with ease, and Billy was grabbing the other bag from the trunk.

I raise any eyebrow at Gwen. “I can carry my bags, you guys.” 

Billy chuckles. “We know. But we figured you could carry… or rather  _ hold _ his hand.” He smirks as he tilts his head towards Killian. 

I glare at him. “We've still got the guest rooms right?” 

“Ash, you can't adopt every bloody stray puppy you meet.” Billy frowns. 

“Mallory did just that with you and the rest of the team.” I point out as we head up towards the house. 

“And look how that fucking turned out.” He retorts as Gwen unlocks the door. “Plus, we don't need more people getting caught in the crossfire of us trying to take down those cunts. He’s innocent. Leave him out of this.” 

I grab Billy’s arm, a motion that shocks us both. Killian and Gwen look over at us but I wave them on. 

“He’s lost loved ones at the hands of Vought.” I keep my tone low. “He could help us. He wants revenge just like the rest of us.” 

Billy shakes his head. “Ash, you’re not thinking straight.” 

“Just give him a chance. Humor me. He could be helpful, please?” I whisper. 

Killian watches from where he and Gwen are dropping my things off, the tilt of his head almost reminiscent of a puppy. Damnit, why does he have to be cute?

Billy looks over at Gwen, the two having one of their silent conversations, the ones that drive me nuts normally. Gwen finally nods, making Billy groan and run his hand over his face, pinching his nose. "Fuck. Fine. You have one week to make sure he's up for this mess. He's your bloody puppy. You look after him." 

I nod. “He can look after himself, but I get what you mean.” I head inside with Billy. 

°°°°°°

A couple of days had passed since I quit. Killian had fallen into the flow of things quite easily. He seems to know a lot about Vought and supes, which drives Billy mad because Killian gets really cagey about why he knows what he does. 

Killian’s the one cooking breakfast this morning. He's got the news on as background noise. 

With a smile and a quiet greeting, I pour myself some coffee as I lean against the counter, halfway paying attention to the news as I try to wake up a little bit more. It'd been a long night for us. We were pinpointing any possible location that Frenchie could be in, which was a struggle. When the hitman for hire didn’t want to be found, he made sure he was very well hidden. Killian and I had managed to scrap together a few places that Gwen and Billy were going to check. Billy wants to get the team back together and bring in some fresh blood with Killian, myself, and some guy named Hughie. 

Killian grunts in annoyance at the news story that features A-Train doing a press conference as an apology for accidentally plowing through some woman earlier in the week. “Bloody assholes don’t know how to, or care to, control their fucking powers.” 

I smile ruefully at his comment and hum in response. “Did you manage to get some sleep last night?” 

He nods before turning his head to look at me. “Aye, Love, I did. I was out for the count as soon as my head hit the pillow.” 

“Good, good. I know it was pretty grueling last night… and I know it was a lot of information and just throwing darts and hoping it sticks…” I sigh and shake my head. “But hopefully at least one of the places comes up positive.” 

He nods and reaches for some plates. “I'm sure it will. You were pretty thorough.” He smiles crookedly at me, making my heart skip a beat or two. 

I laugh slightly. “You have too much faith in me, Jones.” I poke his arm playfully. 

Yet another story about the Seven follows the press conference apology. This one is about Lamplighter’s retirement and how Vought has found a suitable replacement for him. The replacement will be announced at a gala tonight. 

I swear softly under my breath. “Gwen’s not gonna be too happy about that.” 

“Why's that? I mean it's one less we have to deal with, no?” Killian cocks his head as he offers me a plate. 

I accept the plate with a smile. “Yes, but…” I shake my head. “It's complicated and really not my place to share.” 

Killian shrugs and grabs a mug of coffee with his other hand. He heads over to the kitchen table, asking me if I could bring utensils over when I came to sit down. 

I nod and head to grab some forks and such when a breaking news story comes in. The story makes me freeze in place as my mouth fills with cotton. The gym had been burned to the ground. Not much remained of it. You could barely make out where the ring had once stood. My heart starts to ache, knowing this was my fault. Numbly, I stare at the screen, watching as they show footage of what the gym had once looked like, the firefighters battling the orange demons, and the remains. 

I feel someone grab my arm and I jerk away from them before finding myself face to face with Killian. Concern shines in his blue eyes. “Hey, are you okay?” 

I tear my eyes away from his as the news anchor interviews Jason.  _ I'd kept my end of the bargain… why…. why didn't he keep his? Fuck, I should've just played along and been Homelander’s toy.  _ Tears burn my eyes as I excuse myself wordlessly and head to my room. 

  
  


A few hours pass, but I stay in my room. Completely numb and in pain at the same time. I’d text Jason as soon as I saw the news and begged him to reassure me that no one had been in the building when the fire started. He'd reassured me and added unless we had squatters, everyone was safe and sound. 

I curl my arms around my pillow, holding it close to my chest when I hear a soft knock and then my door creak open. 

"Ash? You in there Sweetheart?" Gwen peers around the edge of my door. 

Currently I'm hidden in the corner of my room, pressed between my nightstand and the wall. There's a half empty box of tissues nearby and the ones I used are scattered near the trash can. "Oh Sweetheart," she ducks in, closing the door behind her. I just burrow under the thick blanket I pulled over myself, I don't want or need her to see me like this.

She lingers for a minute before she kneels next to my lumpy self and wraps her arms around my shoulders. 

I quietly lean against her, poking my head out slightly. I don't say anything as I fight back a fresh sob. 

Gwen rubs her fingers through my hair as she holds me close. “Killian told me about the news story….” she whispers gently. “I know how you think and it's not your fault.” 

I sit upright. “It is my fault. I'm the one who flipped off Vought and didn’t play along with their games.” I bite my lip as I look at her with puffy eyes. “I'm just lucky that no one got hurt or killed.” I whisper miseribly. “I should've just played along.” My eyes start to water again. “Should've just been Homelander's toy. Should've just played my part in their twisted story…” 

"You told me Jason is the one who came up with the plan for you to quit. He knew what he was potentially going to get himself into. He still got you out of there, Ash. The guys are strong, the building is gone but the people who made everything real? They're alive and alright."

I sigh. She's right, as much as I hate to admit it. “Were you two able to find Frenchie?” I want, no I  _ need,  _ a distraction from my thoughts that threaten to chew me up from the inside out. I hope Gwen doesn't notice this. 

She shakes her head, “No… the places we checked didn’t pan out but Billy wanted to save one on the list since he’ll be over in that area soon. He’s gonna go try to talk to that Hughie kid later.” 

I nod and sigh. “You’ll let him go it alone?” 

“He said both of us going might be too much for Hughie to handle… and he knows I don't like going to the…” she clears her throat, “club.” 

My eyes widen in understanding. I'd been there once before with Billy. That was the night he’d pretended to be my boyfriend because there were far too many creeps in there, of course we didn't do anything. He just kept me close to him and called me babe on occasion. I shudder slightly as I remember that night. It was all too much and made me feel so icky. If he was truly gonna show Hughie that place right off the bat, then he must be pretty eager to get this kid on the team. 

“Hey, uh, congrats on retiring Lamplighter.” I look at the woman next to me. 

She snorts softy and sits down next to me, leaning back against the wall with a leg kicked out. She took off her wig at some point and changed back into her normal clothes. "I may have gotten his ass retired, but I should have been able to take down the motherfucker." Her voice is pitched in a low growl. 

“Hey, you did what you could in that moment. I'm sure you'll be the one to take him out eventually.” I squeeze her arm supportively. 

She chuckles darkly, "I hope so, because this fucker has been on my List for a long fucking time."

I nod softly. “I know, sweetie, I know…” I lean my head against her shoulder quietly, just thankful for her company in that moment. Eventually she rests her head against mine and hums softly, her arm shifting to drape over my shoulder. 

"Make sure you talk with Billy today, by the way. Someone's a little jealous of the attention a certain blue eyed devil is getting from you." She tries to sound playful; that was the best version of Gwen, almost like a little kitten with a yarn ball. However, I could hear the sadness when she spoke, no matter how hard she tries to cover it. 

I look at her. “I will. I mean, you two were gone by the time I was up this morning… but something also tells me you need to take your own advice.” I nudge her playfully, just trying to make her smile. “And in my defense, Billy did tell me to look out for him. So the attention is Billy’s fault.” I point out. 

She tries to smile weakly at me, "I wish it was that simple, Doll. But I don't think I can do that.."

“Do I need to shove y’all in a closet and refuse to let you out until you two work it out?” I raise an eyebrow. “Cause I can and will. And then I'll regret it cause I'm sure y'all will get loud..” I smirk at her. 

She pokes my side, which makes me squeak because the shithead knows I'm ticklish. "Behave or I'll lock you and the Newbie in your closet and lock it.”

I shove her arm. “There's nothing between us. So you locking us in a closet will just result in the two of us taking a nap or talking. So it wouldn't be worth your time or energy.” I shrug. 

Gwen smirks and wiggles her eyebrows. “Before or after you two get it on?” 

My cheeks heat up and I hit her with the pillow I'd been holding. A knock on the cracked open door pulls us away from our banter. 

Killian waves awkwardly. “Dinner’s ready, if you're feeling up to it, Ash…” he smiles softly at me. 

My cheeks involuntarily heat up as Gwen snickers. “I… uh… yeah… just let me get cleaned up and then I'll join y'all.” 

Gwen helps me to my feet after she makes it to her own feet. "I'll help her. Let Billy know we'll be a few. Thanks Killian" she smiles warmly, though her eyes glitter with mischief when she looks back at me. 

Killian nods softly. “Aye. Let me know if either of you need anything.” He smiles again at me before he heads back down the hall. 

I look at Gwen. “Okay, what are you plotting?” I sigh. 

She smiles widely, "Nothing, nothing…. For now" she shoots me and smirk and shuffles me into my bathroom.

I whine softly in protest. “I just want to wash my face… no makeup… nothing…” I frown as she sits me down on the toilet lid. 

"No makeup, I promise. That's kinda been my thing," she laughs and gently wipes my face with a damp cloth. "Doesn't mean I can't make you look pretty, Doll." 

I look at her with sad eyes. “I don't feel pretty….” 

She frowns and presses a kiss to my forehead, "What makes you feel pretty?"

I shrug. “I don't know anymore, honestly. I haven't felt pretty... in a long time.” 

I feel her tilt my head up and poke my nose playfully, trying to get a good reaction. I smile against my will and squirm away from her cold fingers. "Well then, I guess we'll just have to find out what makes you feel pretty. For now, let's make you feel comfortable, okay?"

I nod meekly. The drained energy from crying most of the day starts to hit. “Usually I'd be fine with makeup, to fake feeling pretty, but not now… I just… I don't know anymore.” I whisper. 

"No makeup today, or ever, if you don't want it. For now, let's clean you up and get you changed into… jeans and that one shirt you love so much. How about that?" 

I nod softly and start to get up to go get the shirt and jeans when Gwen gently makes me sit back down again. 

She gently brushes my hair out, careful not to tug and hurt my scalp. I slowly find myself just closing my eyes and relaxing while she plays around with my hair. At some point she pokes my shoulder and holds up a mirror, her lips pulled into a small grin. She had gently braided my hair down my back. Gwen takes the end of the braid with her free hand and tickles my nose with the hair. 

“Thank you,” I whisper. 

She wraps her arms around my shoulders and nuzzles against my temple, "You're my little sister, Doll. I would do anything for you."

My eyes water again. “And I'd do the same for you, even if you're the biggest pain in my ass sometimes. Or rather second biggest. I think Billy holds the top spot.” 

She snickers in my ear, "I think he would be offended if he wasn't the biggest pain in your ass. Not literally, of course. That would be… really fucking gross," she wrinkles her nose and shudders semi-playfully.

“Cause Billy’s  _ your _ pain in the ass in that sense.” I tease half-heartedly. 

She pulls back from our hug and squints at me before she swears, "Fuck, I walked right into that one. Damnit, you're a cheeky little shit~" she motions to pinch my cheek for the snark.

I make a face at her and roll my eyes playfully. “Takes one time know one.” 

"You just learned it from me~"

I shrug. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” My eyes wander over to the large mirror on the wall and I find myself frowning in shame and disgust as I see how puffy my eyes actually are. 

Gwen must have noticed where I was looking cause she bit her thumb, "Hmm. I know you said you didn't want makeup. But how about a little tinted moisturizer?" 

“Just nothing too dramatic, please. Concealer, foundation… Or whatever you feel would work. I just… don't feel like wearing a full face with eyeliner, eyeshadow, lip color… you know…” I look at her softly. 

"I can work with that, Sweetie." She taps my nose and rummages around in my makeup stuff before she finds what she's looking for. 

I watch her quietly as she gathers what she needs, which is to say, literally two things. She has a damped beauty blender and a little bottle of tinted moisturizer. She puts a little bit of the moisturizer on the back of her hand and taps the blender into it. "Look up for me, Doll." 

I close my eyes and do what she asks of me, trusting her completely 

She taps the blender under my eyes lightly and blenders out the cream. She repeats it again a moment later with another thin layer. "There we go," she smiles softly.

I slowly open my eyes and look at her, just in case there's anything else she wants to do before I look at myself in the mirror. “Thank you, Gwen…” I whisper. There was no remaining indication that I'd been crying for the better half of the day. 

She smiles softly, and it's at that point I actually notice she's not wearing makeup either, which is very rare. In fact, I think this is the first time since she came back that I've seen her purely as herself. No makeup, no contacts, no wigs. Just  _ Gwen _ .

“Hang tight, okay. I'm just gonna go get your clothes for you, okay?” She gently tells me. 

I nod again. “The shirt should be on the left side of my closet… and I don't care what jeans or sweats or whatever you bring…” 

She hums softly and nods, shooting me another smile before she goes to get them. She brings me back my clothes and steps outside of the bathroom to give me some privacy to change. 

Once I'm changed, we head downstairs together. 

Killian and Billy turn to look at us. Killian’s eyes fill with seems to be awe as he looks at my face while Billy smiles crookedly at Gwen before he stands to pull out a chair for her. She gives Billy a small smile and sits down, mummering a thank you under her breath. 

Billy nods with a soft smile and sits down next to her as I sit by Killian. 

“Hey, I just wanted to apologize about earlier. I shouldn't have pushed you away…” I whisper, loud enough to where only he can hear me. “I shouldn't have run off like that.” 

"Love, it's alright. I promise. And if you ever feel uncomfortable you just tell me, alright?" He reaches over and gently squeezes my hand. 

I blush and squeeze his hand back in thanks. “And the same goes for you…” I look at him softly. 

Billy clears his throat. “Would you two like to get a fucking room? Or would you, Ash, rather keep your focus on the bloody puppy-dog cunt?” 

My cheeks heat up. “What's it to you, huh? You've been jealous lately. What's with that? Gotta crush, Butcher?” 

Billy raises an eyebrow at me. “Me? Jealous?” He scoffs. “Fucking hell, Ash. It's not the kind of jealous you're implying. It's,” he lets out a suffering sigh, like he can't believe what he's about to say “you're my little sister, or like one. So to see you bringing another man into the picture, platonic or something more or less, and hitting it off with him just  _ sucks.  _ And it kinda makes me feel like you don't… want to be around me anymore.” he grimaces, not used to being as affectionate around other people 

My heart melts a little as I hear Billy call me his little sister. I quietly stand up and move to hug him. He grumbles under his breath but he still wraps an arm around me. 

“I'm sorry.” I whisper. “I didn't mean to hurt you or make you feel that way.” 

"Ya didn't know, you little shit." He squeezes my hip before ruffling my hair.

I roll my eyes playfully at him. “Your Gwen is showing.” I tease before letting go. 

"What the bloody hell is  _ that _ supposed to mean?"

“It's Gwen who always calls people little shits. That's all.” I laugh as I head back to my seat. Speaking of Gwen, she's been quiet as hell. I look over to see what she's doing only to almost fall off my seat. I don't know how he managed it but Terror, Billy's bulldog, was fully sprawled across her lap in a Superman pose. And he was snoring. 

Gwen's long black hair, her natural hair, was over her shoulder was was tickling Terror's nose, making him snuffle in his sleep. 

Billy follows my gaze and chuckles softly. “You okay, Demon?” He looks at Gwen softly. 

Killian’s watching it all unfold with a mix of amusement and confusion on his features. 

Gwen looks up from Terror and blinks, "Huh?" 

Billy smiles softly. “You good, sweetheart?” 

Her cheeks flush pink, which she is  _ so _ getting teased for later. "I'm good, sorry. Terror wanted to cuddle " she plays with Terror's ear and he snuffles again, shifting into her hand.

He nods. “Just wanted to make sure. You're just quiet over there.” 

She chuckles and smiles crookedly, "I  _ can _ be quiet you know. How do you think I got one over on Black Noir  _ and _ Lamplighter?" 

Killian stutters to a pause next to me and practically gapes at Gwen. 

I bite back a smile at Killian's gasp. “Yeah, she's the reason Lamplighter’s retiring.” 

Billy rolls his eyes playfully. “I know, Gwen, you just aren't usually  _ that _ bloody quiet around us.” He grins crookedly at her. Scratch that,  _ both _ of them are getting teased later. After I lock them in a closet… maybe Killian would help.

I bite my tongue to hold back a smart remark about how if they were alone, I'm sure we’d be begging Gwen to shut up.

Killian still looks dreadfully lost but and shoot him a smile, "I'll bring you up to speed later," 

He nods in thanks before smiling back at me and I can't help but think about how cute he is when he smiles. 

Speaking of later, I'll be going with him back to his apartment to pick up his stuff with Gwen while Billy is out tonight. We all sat down earlier and talked about what the team had been created to do, vaguely going over why the team for scattered to the winds. And now it's slowly getting reformed. 

We didn't talk about why we were all personally on the team specifically. All Killian knows was that I had a bone to pick with Vought because of what had happened with my wrestling company and Gwen had been a part of the original team. Maybe one day I'd be able to tell him the real reason why I was so eager to see the corporate monster tumble. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him; and if he did know I'm sure that would cause more harm than anything else. I push this thought away as we all settle in to eat dinner. 

°°°°°°

Gwen's phone starts to ring, pulling us away from the research we all had been pouring over. We wanted to find any weakness we could when it came to the Seven and we wanted to do some research on the newest addition to the Seven: Starlight. 

My heart aches slightly when I see her, knowing how fucked up of a company Vought is makes me sick to even think about what they'd do to this seemingly innocent woman. 

“Yeah?” Gwen answers her phone. Her eyes widen as the speaker on the other end talks. 

Killian and I exchanged confused glances. Billy had called her, we could tell that much by the way she perked up when she saw the caller ID and heard the ringtone she’d assigned to him. She's been fretting since Billy left yesterday night to meet up with this Hughie. 

She swears under her breath, "Alright, do you want me to bring the kids?" Her eyes flicker over to us, giving us a quick smile. I deflate and relax into my chair. 

"Well I can't exactly leave them home, and no one's around to watch them while I'm gone." She pinches her nose. "Alright, same place as last time?" 

Killian looks at me, his eyebrows furrowed and head tilted. I shrugged and mouthed that I had no idea what she was talking about. Gwen grabbed a pen and jotted down something, "Alright, we'll be there soon. Ciao, Mon Amie." 

She hung up and swore colorfully, "Give me five minutes. Get changed into something you don't care about. I'll give you the details in the car. "

Killian heads to his new room upstairs to change and I follow after, going to my room, which just so happens to be across from his. I fully blame Gwen for giving him that room. Not knowing exactly  _ what _ we're heading into I toss on an old faded pair of leggings and a plain black shirt that's had more than a few accidents with bleach. I pull my hair up into a messy ponytail 

Killian comes out in a pair of faded jeans and an old shirt. He smiles crookedly at me as he motions for me to head down the hall first. “Ladies first.” 

I playfully bow in thanks before heading to meet with Gwen. 

She’s throwing things into the back of her car frantically. “You guys ready?” she's in an old pair of workout clothes, her chest bound tight, and she had on a short cropped black wig. Her contacts are grey this time, and it looks like she somehow had the time to make her face look more heart shaped. 

Killian grimaces. “As ready as we can be considering we don't know what we're doing, Lass.” He double-takes at Gwen’s new appearance, still not used to how quickly she changes from look to look. 

"I'll tell you in the car, promise. Ash, I got your machete and knife.” 

“Something went wrong, didn’t it?” I ask. 

She shuffles us into the car, Killian already has his boot knife and the big pocket knife he always keeps on his person.

With a sigh, I get in the passenger’s seat as Killian sits in the back. Gwen starts the car without another word and peels out of the driveway. Once we hit the back roads she finally relaxes enough to talk, though she's constantly looking in the rearview mirror. 

"Billy called, he got Hughie on a small mission that resulted in him being tracked back to where he works by Translucent. Billy helped incapacitate the invisible motherfucker and they tracked down Frenchie and got him to help. We're on our way to meet up with them." She glances into the rearview mirror before turning on a dirt path, taking us through the woods. 

"How the hell did you get all of that in less than two minutes?" I cling to the handle above the window. Killian curses beside me, his side pressed against the door when Gwen makes another sharp turn.

She smiles brightly. “Code words are a lovely thing, Doll…” 


	7. Ash's PoV

The first thing that hits me is the smell. Blood, singed flesh, and something that I can’t quite place. And as if the smell wasn’t unsettling enough, Billy’s smack-dab in the middle of the mess, whistling cheerfully under his breath as he cleans. 

“What the actual fuck?” I whisper, noting the horror in my own voice as Gwen starts to help with the cleaning.  _ Is that… flesh? And are they really putting it in a chest? _

“Glad you could join us, Sweetheart.” Billy grins at Gwen brightly as she ties up her hair and gets to work. “And I see you brought the kids too,” he jokes before continuing, “You two can tie off the bags and clean up the puddles.” He nods towards Killian and me. 

“First things first, what the bloody hell happened here, Mate?” Killian asks as he picks up a pushbroom. 

“We killed a Supe.” Billy replies with a casual shrug. 

“Okay, but this looks like more than a  _ kill _ **, ** here Butcher.” I counter as I find a trash bag for Gwen to load the chunks of whoever the hell it was into. “This definitely isn’t normal.” 

"You're looking at what happens with you shove a stick of C4 up a Supe’s asshole and light the wick." He sounds proud as hell when he says that, and that is definitely not something to be proud of, even if it was a Supe. 

My mouth opens to say something but nothing comes out as I try to process the sentence. My lips close again. 

“Who pulled the trigger? You’re not covered in blood.” Killian raises a brow as he works on pushing some of the blood towards the drain, grimacing as he does so.

Billy chuckles and shovels another pile of...fleshy chunks into a bin. "That would be our newest recruit. Hughie pulled the trigger on the Invisible Cunt." 

I smile slightly, noting the pride in Billy’s tone. “So, Billy adopted a puppy too?” I tease with a playful eyebrow raise. 

"Oi, watch it, young lady." He points a latex covered finger at me, smirking all the while. "That Puppy is now your little brother."

“And who’s the mom?” Killian quips. 

All eyes fall on Gwen. The dark haired woman turns to look at us. “Oh,  _ hell _ no. No. I ain’t adopting all of you. I already adopted Ash, that's enough.” 

I gasp playfully. “You’re making it sound like I’m trouble. I’m probably the best behaved here, and the most normal.” I joke. 

"You're the best little sister I could ask for, but if I have more siblings I may go crazy...ier.. than I already am."

Killian snorts. “She’s got a point, Love.” He shakes his head and continues cleaning. “I know Ash has said this before, but this really isn’t bloody normal.” 

Gwen shrugs loosely, "Like it or not, this is your normal now." 

I look up at her and see the glint in her eyes,  _ Oh fuck no _ .

"And if you don't like your new normal...well.." she smiles like the fucking demon I know she is, "You’ve seen too much now…" 

Killian gulps and ducks his head. 

“Oi, let’s not kill the help just yet, Gwen.” Billy chides as he reaches for a spray can. 

Gwen pouts but leaves Killian alone, thank God because she's nine kinds of crazy without Billy… which in hindsight is really fucking ironic.

I quietly keep cleaning up what we can before Billy asks me to help him load the trunk into the back of his car. Part of me wants to ask about the crate but the other part is too scared to at this point. 

Killian shoots me a scared look before I help Billy, I give him a weak smile. Gwen won't kill him, not unless he endangers the team. And I doubt that would happen.

Billy and I each take an end of the crate and carry it out of the warehouse. His white apron is a huge change from the usual black jacket he wears and it’s oddly even more intimidating considering it’s splattered in blood and who knows what else. There’s a silence between us, it’s not comfortable or awkward , it’s just there. And something tells me neither of us wants to break it. 

“You’re living up to your last name.” I say finally as we near his car. 

Once the trunk is loaded, he smirks, "The Bloody Butcher, sounds like something used to scare little children at night."

I snort. “Maybe one day that’ll be the supes’ version of the Boogeyman… ‘Behave yourself or else the Bloody Butcher will come for you.’” I look at him out of the corner of my eye. 

He chuckles under his breath, "Maybe one day, that would be fucking diabolical."

I try not to shudder at the thought of supes reproducing. “They can’t reproduce, right? Like even if they mated with a human?” 

Billy shrugs, "Never heard of any Supe having kids. Well, aside from adoptin' or surrogacy."

I nod softly and look down. “Good… cause I’m sure they’d be a menace to society. And probably worse than their parents…” I try not to think more about the topic, forcing my possible instance out of my mind. “I mean, even if they could reproduce with humans, then I’m sure it’s just some far fetched idea… and I’m just gonna shut up now.” 

There's a few moments, a stark silence that makes the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. I'm spared from making an idiot out of myself, again, when someone clears their throat. We both look up and Killian is standing in front of the building, a rather disgusting streak of red across his cheek and forehead. 

"Gwen sent me to tell you we finished cleaning. Er, well, what  _ could  _ be cleaned…" he looks paler than he did earlier, but I assume that’s from the blood and the...chunks of hum- Supe flesh. 

Billy’s eyes light up. “Great. Stand back, kiddos.” He rushes inside right as Gwen comes out. Moments pass before he’s running up the steps and the building explodes behind him, like something out of an action movie. 

“Hey,” I gently place a hand on Killian’s arm. “You okay?” 

He gives me a weak smile and shrugs, "About as alright as I can be, because I just helped a bloody demon clean blood and guts off the floor… willingly." He shudders and looks at Gwen. His eyes flicker over me and something glares in his eyes before it vanishes.

“That’ll do it. Just take it easy, okay? You look really pale and I don’t want you to like pass out or something on us.” I squeeze his arm gently, leaving a bloody handprint on his skin. My stomach churns as I look at it. “I’m sorry… I forgot I have blood on my hands, literally…” I lift the hem of my shirt slightly and try to wipe it off. 

His hand starts to shake a little; he quickly wipes off the blood with his own shirt and chuckles dryly. "I think everyone here has blood on something, Love. It's quite alright." 

I smile thinly. “Just let me feel bad about it, okay? I’ll get over it, but let me feel a little guilty about it, okay?” I look up at him, trying to push the memories the handprint had brought back away. 

“Hey, lovebirds,” Gwen starts, “I hate to break this up, but we’ve got to go.”

I grimace and nod, wanting nothing more than to take a shower. 

Billy looks at the three of us. “I’ll meet you back at the safehouse. Just gotta make a quick detour.” He jerks his thumb at the trunk of his car. 

"Make sure Frenchie gets his ass back to the new safehouse before I go out and hunt his French ass down." Gwen smirks and gets into the car.

Billy nods and chuckles softly. “I’ll pass on the message, Sweetheart.” He gets in the car and drives off. 

Killian and I quietly get in the car, my eyes flickering up to the rearview mirror to make sure he’s still conscious and not about to pass out in Gwen’s backseat. He looks like he was slowly getting his color back, thank God. Cause Gwen is  _ very _ protective of her car. 

I look out the window, too wrapped up in my thoughts to want to talk to anyone. Or to even consider talking to anyone else. This little zoning out results in me jumping when I feel someone tap my shoulder. 

"We're back home, Ash." Gwen looks at me, her head tilted in concern. 

“Right…” I nod as my cheeks heat up. “Sorry, I zoned.” I smile sheepishly as I start to get out of the car. 

"It’s fine, Doll. Killian did too, I just picked you first." She smirks and nods to the back seat, where Killian is sitting with his head resting against the window. 

I shake my head and gently tap Killian’s knee with my index finger, trying not to spook him like Gwen had done to me. “Be nice. He’s new, cut him some slack.” I whisper to her. 

"I didn't say anything," she laughs softly and gets out of the car, grimacing at something. 

“Hey, we’re home.” I tell Killian gently when he comes back into focus. I quietly get out of the car and head to start unloading the trunk. “Oh, and Gwen, when you’ve got a second I just want to fact check something with you, yeah?” 

She wipes her hands on her shirt, looking over her shoulder. "Okay, just lemme get cleaned up first. I think we all need a shower." She wrinkles her nose and gags a little.

I smile and nod, “ ‘Course. I mean, if you wait, you and Billy could shower together to save some water.” I tease with a smirk as I push some hair out of my face. 

There's a short pause before she makes a choking nose and flings her shoe at me.

I squeak and barely manage to move out of the path of the shoe before Killian steps between us. If his shirt was white there would be a semi-bloody shoe print on his chest.

“That’s enough, ladies. Ash makes a valid point. Water conservation is a pretty important thing.” He chuckles softly. “But, I don’t think that’d be a comfortable thing for Gwen and Billy…” 

"If you're big on water conservation, why don't you two take a shower tonight?" She smiles innocently, pulling her shoe back on like she didn't throw it how one would a ninja star.

I purse my lips and shake my head. “No. Nope. Not… not putting Killian through that.” I give her a warning glare. “Not letting anyone see me naked… for a long time…” I add quietly. 

She falters, "Fair enough. You're too pretty for the Pretty Boy anyway." 

Killian makes a sound of protest. I’m not sure if it’s at the Pretty Boy remark or at the part where Gwen said I was too pretty for him and I don’t want to know. 

I shake my head and head inside quietly. “One of you two can have first shower. I don’t care.”

Gwen shrugs, "There's two more showers downstairs, there's nothing stopping you from taking one now."

I look at her and nod. “Yeah, you’re right. I forgot… sorry.” I smile slightly at her suggestion. 

She shrugs and unlocks the door, "It's alright, you haven't even been here two weeks. I'll see you guys in a bit. I have blood in places blood should never be."

I shudder. “Gross… didn’t need to hear that.” I mutter. 

Killian looks mortified as he follows us in the house.

I quietly head to grab a towel and maybe a change of clothes before Killian stops me. 

“Hey, are you doing okay?” He frowns softly. 

I nod and raise an eyebrow. “Yeah, why?” I tilt my head slightly at him in confusion. 

"It's.. it's just been a long and… gruesome day." He shakes his head, his hands unconsciously wiping themselves on his shirt. 

I nod again. “You’re right, it has been. It’s probably just that getting to me.” I force a smile. A pang of guilt stabs my heart as I lie to him and I don’t know where it’s coming from. 

"Just… let me know if you need me, okay? You can talk to me anytime, Ash."

“And I hope you know the same goes for you, Killian.” I whisper. “I think there’s just too much going on in my head to even think about talking to anyone about it, honestly. But I’m sure it’s nothing a shower can’t fix…” 

He squeezes my hand softly and smiles, "Thanks, Love. And I hope it helps. Gods know I could do with one."

I laugh slightly. “Then go shower, dork. No one’s holding you here.” I tease. 

He chuckles and kisses my cheek before he heads into his room to grab clean clothes.

I stand there, dumbfounded for a few moments before I shake my head and head to finish gathering my things. “Do you want the upstairs one if Gwen didn’t take it or the downstairs one?” I ask, poking my head into his room after gathering my things. 

"I think the demon said something about two showers downstairs, Love. You have one available too. And I don't particularly care as long as I get this blood off." His back is to me, his shirt off and tossed into the trash can near his desk. 

I advert my eyes. “I know she said there’s two downstairs. If she’s in the downstairs one, then I’ll take the other one unless you want it.” I huff playfully, “I’m just trying to be nice here.” I head to check to see if Gwen’s in the upstairs one. I’m a few feet away from the door when I hear the water running. “Well, I guess that’s decided for us.” I head back to let Killian know that the ones downstairs are open when I collide with his chest. 

My nose and chin hit his chest, his..his very  _ naked _ chest.  _ Oh god _ . 

“Whoa, easy there, Love.” Killian chuckles as he steadies me. 

My cheeks flush. “Sorry.. I… um… Gwen’s in the upstairs one so I guess that settles our little… situation.” I look down. Without another word, I move to hurry down the stairs and into the restroom to avoid any more awkwardness. I will also forever deny that I got a very good look at his chest, because just the thought makes my ears burn.  _ Holy shit, why is he so handsome? _

I hear his chuckle as he follows me down the stairs.

“See you in a few, Love.” He winks playfully at me as he ducks into the restroom opposite of mine. 

  
  


°°°°°°°°°°

I look up from the water I’m in the process of boiling when I hear the door close. Two unfamiliar, well one of them is slightly familiar, voices accompany Billy’s. Drying my hands, I round the corner to find the Frenchman from the first night I’d been here by Billy’s side along with another man I didn’t recognize. 

“You must be Hughie…” I smile warmly at him and offer him my hand. “I’m Ashley.” 

Gwen comes rushing down the stairs, nearly colliding with Frenchie before she skids to a halt and pulls him into a warm embrace. Then she pulls back and second later and slaps him over the head, "You stupid asshole! Next time you try to leave I'm running after you with my goddamn paddle and hitting you so hard you feel it for months!" She continues cursing him out, her cheeks red and her eyes furious.

Frenchie chuckles and puts his hands up in a placating motion. “You have my word,  _ démone. _ ” He ruffles her hair affectionately. 

Hughie shakes my hand and smiles before looking at Billy. “Is she always like this?” his eyes flicker briefly to Gwen. 

"Yes," nearly all of us chime in at the same time. Gwen twirls around and gapes at us before she pouts.

"Oh, fuck you guys,"

“Billy would gladly.” I smirk before ducking back into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. There was a loud sputtering noise from the living room and Gwen yells my name. I snicker softly and go back to cooking, serves the demon right.

A few moments pass before I turn around to find Gwen and Hughie perched on the island in the kitchen. “What can I do for y’all?” I ask as I work on opening up a can of spaghetti sauce. 

Hughie clears his throat awkwardly. “Gwen thought it might be a good idea for the three of us to talk..” He eyes the woman next to him. 

“You’re not forgiven, just yet by the way,” Gwen adds as she points her finger at me. “But, I think it’d be a good adjustment for Hughie here.” 

I shrug. “What do you want to talk about?” 

Hughie scratches his arm and looks at the floor, "Everyone wants me to talk about why I decided to join the team. It wasn't even really a decision, I just… needed to do it. But I just want things to be normal tonight. So.."

My eyes soften as I listen to him. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about that. Trust me, of the whole team, I think only two people know what happened in my case. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And as for normal, I don’t know how normal we can get. I mean, have you met Gwen?” I tease. 

Gwen smacks me with the towel. “Shush, sushi.” He looks at Hughie. “She’s right, though. Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with. This team was, is, a family unit. We talk about shit we need to when we need to, if you're uncomfortable with something you just gotta say the word. I'm pretty sure Billy would just about kill someone for you after what you did earlier." 

Hughie snorts a little. “I’m pretty sure he’d kill someone regardless. I mean, have you seen him?” His eyes widen slightly. 

“He’s a teddy bear once you get to know him.” I say over my shoulder as I start to heat up the sauce. 

"'Teddy Bear'? The fuck do you think I am?" Someone, ah Billy, snorted from the doorway.

“You’re a total softy and you know it,” I point the wooden spoon in my hand at him. 

Gwen snickers. “She’s right, ya know…” 

Hughie’s eyes widen as he watches the exchange unfolding. 

Billy rolls his eyes at the two of us. “Double team? That ain’t fair. I don’t believe there was a fucking tag made, Miss Barnes.” He teases me. 

To which Gwen reaches over and tags in, smirking widely.

Hughie bites back a laugh as I spread my hands in victory. 

“You were saying, Butcher?” I mock. 

"Now wait just a bloody second, you little shits" he scowls at us.

“It’s too late, Hughie knows your secret!” I tease. 

“What secret?” Killian asks as he comes down the stairs, distracting me momentarily as I find myself getting flustered at the memory of my face colliding with his chest. 

"A-Apparently Billy is a…. Big.. Teddy Bear…?" Hughie answers but it sounds like a question, probably to his sanity. Or ours. 

Killian chuckles. “Oh, that’s no secret, Mate. Especially when it comes to those two beautiful ladies over there.” 

Billy glares at him in protest. “Oi! You’re like a bloody lovesick puppy when it comes to Ashley.” 

My cheeks heat up and I duck my head, forcing myself to not look at any of them. Killian sputters loudly and chokes. 

Gwen pats him on the back. “Breathe, Killian.” 

I reach for the plates, ignoring Billy’s triumphant smirk. “Do you assholes want to serve yourselves, or do you want me to make the plates?” I ask, trying to keep my tone level to hide my flusteredness. 

"Fuck that, I'll make my own plate, knowing you, you'd poison me after that." Billy grabs his own plate, handing one off to Gwen.

I shake my head, rolling my eyes as I do, and offer plates to Killian and Hughie. “Where’s Frenchie?” 

"Watching ze chaos from a safe distance, mon Amie." 

I nod, “Smart man. Food’s ready. Help yourself.” I head over to the fridge. “What’s everyone drinking?” I look at the group. “And no, Billy, I’m not gonna poison your drink.” 

"Was about to say I'd rather drink straight bleach than trust you with my food and drink after I piss you off."

“If I was pissed at you, you’d know, trust me.” I smile innocently. “You haven’t seen me pissed off yet.” I shrug. “I don’t think Gwen has seen me pissed off either.” 

Hughie looks at his plate, "Oh god, there's two of them." He looks at me then Gwen and shudders.

I raise an eyebrow at him in confusion. Even Gwen looks mildly confused before she chuckles, smirking. 

"Might have scared him a little while you were here. Cute he thinks that was me pissed." Gwen hums. 

I shrug it off and turn my attention back to Billy, “So what’ll it be, Butcher?” I smirk playfully. 

"As long as it's cold I don't give two shits," he shrugs and shoves a fork full of food into his mouth.

“Gwen, what do you want to give your boyfriend to drink?” I tease as I wink at Gwen. “I got beer, soda, water, tea… and some stronger shit, too.” 

She's given up at this point but flings a piece of pasta at me. "That cheap beer he hates, I think there's still a bottle left." She smirks.

I snicker and pull the bottle out from the back of the fridge, “And for you?” 

She shrugs, "A bottle of water's fine, Doll."

I nod and pass her a water bottle before taking care of the rest of the boys. After I hand Killian a drink, he tilts his head towards the stove. “I made you a plate. I hope that’s okay with you.” He smiles shyly. 

My cheeks heat up and without thinking I peck his cheek in thanks. “I appreciate it.” I smile softly at him before I go to claim my plate. 

Billy mumbles something under his breath and Frenchie snickers into his food. Hughie looks at them in confusion. 

Gwen looks at the two of them in amusement. “What?” 

Frenchie leans over and whispers in her ear, making her laugh and almost choke on her pasta.

I furrow my brows as I join them. “Don’t die, please. Cause then Billy’ll be back on his poisoned food thing. What’s so funny?” 

She waves her hand, Hughie patting her back so she doesn't choke. "Nothing, nothing."

I raise an eyebrow. “Come on, tell me, please?” 

Billy snorts in amusement. “It ain’t happening, kiddo.” 

Killian eyes them and shakes his head, sliding a little farther away from them.

“So, how long have you and Killian been together, Ashley?” Hughie asks. 

I turn and fling a piece of my pasta at Gwen, then hit Billy's forehead with another piece, before nailing Frenchie in the cheek.”We’re not together, Hughie. We’re just friends…” I say quietly, avoiding Killian’s eyes. I don’t add that I’m not in the right mental space for a relationship nor do I add that odds are Killian doesn’t view me like that. I just duck my head and eat my food. 

Hughie flusters and apologizes, ducking his head. I'm not mad at him, but God it would be understandable if I was. 

Killian shakes his head. “You’re fine, Mate. Just a misunderstanding.” He smiles warmly at Hughie. “Like Ash said, we’re just good friends.” He squeezes my shoulder gently and I swear I hear something underlying in his tone. 

°°°°°°°

After dinner it was surprisingly easy to settle in, even with the additions of Frenchie and Hughie. The house was big enough that there were several spare bedrooms. I think the place was an old fire house that got reconstructed, and somehow Mallory got it. Anyway, with the amount of people now living near it didn't feel nearly as empty as it did. 

I am sitting in the living room reading a book by the fake fireplace when Frenchie starts swearing up a literal storm. He follows Billy down the stairs, swearing at him an a mixture of French and English. "You cannot be serious, you know this, this  _ connard  _ will not work with me. He is the reason I went underground, you asshole!" 

"Look, mate. We need the whole fucking team together or we ain't gonna be able to do fuck all. Like it or not, we need his ass." Billy turns around, yanking his jacket on. 

"This  _ la pute _ blames me for what happened to Mallory's grandchildren, Mon Amie. This fucker will refuse if I'm here. You know he will." 

Billy just gives him a look. “Look, I'm willing to screw with some fucking details if that means getting this team in tact. What M.M. doesn't know won't hurt the cunt.” 

I duck my head and look back at my book, trying to force myself to ignore them and read. It doesn't go as well as I hoped. The swearing continues up until the moment when the door slams shut. M.M. must've been the other guy who was here the night I was broken… I push those thoughts away as I listen to Frenchie pace and call Billy every name under the sun in French and English. 

Some of them are... very creative and I'm mildly afraid to ask how the hell he came up with some of them. 

Whoever this M.M. guy is, he really has Frenchie worked up into knots and bows. And it was unnerving seeing the normally controlled man so wound up. Regardless of what happens, tomorrow is going to be...interesting… 

  
  
  



	8. Billy's PoV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took forever and a half to get out. Gwen and I had random bursts of energy where we would like stay up late and work on it and then just like periods of nothingness. I hope y'all like it. And, yes, I did change my user and icon on here. I'm sorry for any confusion this may cause. It's (still) me. I just went through a fandom change, so yeah. (No, I don't believe that this will affect the outcome of this story)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the story! And thank you so much for the kudos that has been left here on this story. Y'all are amazing and yeah :) 
> 
> PS: Lots of swears here cause we finally get to write from Butcher's PoV

As much as I hate to admit it, I know the french fucker is right. There’s no fucking way that M.M.’s going to be willing to come back if he knows that Frenchie is still on the team. Sadly for M.M, what he don't know, ain't gonna hurt. I shove these thoughts aside, and slip through the door without alerting one of the guards. 

Really, it was almost _ too _ fuckin' easy to slip past them. A better man would tell his friend to fix that before it became an issue. But I like keeping them all on their toes, anyways. I linger in the hallway for a moment, waiting for the right moment to slip into the dismissal office that M.M owned. Just gotta wait for the perfect distraction… 

And, lo and behold, I get one not a minute later when some men start bickering over a pong table. When M.M leaves his office I take the chance to slip in and wait, quietly watching him from the windows. One would say that working with these delinquents brought back the humanity in him, I'd call bullshit and say the cunt got soft. No one can afford to go soft, it's a weakness that can be exploited and turned against ya...

There may have been hope for the new kids, but that hope woulda been pretty fuckin' slim, seeing as one of them blew a Supe up via a C-4 butt plug, and the others have their own vendettas set against Vought.

I’m pulled from my thoughts when the door opens. “Oh, _ hell _ no.” 

I flash the man a crooked smirk as he folds his arms across his chest, looking like he’s about to chew me out. Or kick me in the ass, probably both if he was still the same old M.M I knew. 

“What in the hell are you doing here, Butcher?” M.M. sighs as he looks at me. “You know I walked away from all of that shit…” 

"What? I can't visit an old friend?" I raise an eyebrow, smirking at my old brother-in-arms. I'll give him credit, he's softer, but he still noticed me faster than anyone else would have. We'll need to re-tune him a bit, now.

M.M. shakes his head and sits at the desk across from me. “With you, it’s never just a visit.” He raises an eyebrow at me in response as he leans back in his chair. 

“Don’t tell me you want to re-recruit me to join your damn team again.” His eyebrow starts twitching. Pinching his nose, he looks up at me with a glare.

_ Ahh, right to the point, and takin' away all me fun. Bastard. _

"What, you don't want back in? Takin' down these super-fed cunts?"

He shakes his head. “Why the fuck would I? I’m happy. Monique took me back, which was hard enough after everything _ you’d _done, and we settled down. Got married.” 

_ Ahh, I do think Gwen might've mentioned that at some point… _

My eyes scan over his desk, his very _ neat and tidy _ desk. Papers all organized, a mug full of pens and pencils, all the shit a teacher needs. He fiddles with some papers, stacking them off to the side, straightening out his mug of coffee. _ Badass indeed, M.M... at least once upon a fuckin' time. _“Good for you. Never thought I’d see you settle down, Mate.” I mumble slightly under my breath. 

M.M. eyes me, leaning back into his fancy fuckin' roller chair. But I didn't come here just for the fucker to say 'No thanks, I'm good'. 

“We’re getting the old team back together, and like it or not, we fucking need all hands on deck, Mate.” M.M is a fuckin' mastermind at makin' sure everything goes according to plan. That's why Mallory recruited him in the first place; he's a detail-obsessed mad man.

He scoffs. “I’m not going back. I’ve got too much to lose now, Butcher. Besides, I'm happy right here. Even if it's on the smaller scale, I'm still making a fuckin' difference here, man.” 

“Yeah, but you could make an even bigger one. And we’ve already got a leg up on those fuckers at the moment.” I smirk as I think about what Hughie had done with the invisible cunt. 

He looks up from where he's been staring at glass window, which shows the other assholes outside playin' pingpong. "Bullshit, man. That's next to fuckin' impossible." He scoffs, rolling his eyes. But the interest is there, _ Got ya _.

I smirk and chuckle. “We dusted a supe. Stuck a block of C-4 up the fucker’s bunghole and… _ boom… _” I spread my hands for emphasis. “Got this new kid, fucking brilliant kid.” 

"The fuck, how'd this new kid of yours even go about dusting a Supe? And how the hell did you fuckers even get your hands on one?" _ Hook, line, sinker, too fuckin' easy. _ He looks at me, curiosity and interest peaking and taking over his disdain and obvious dislike for me and the team.

I grin wickedly. “I can’t tell you all of my fucking secrets.. _ But _ if you really want to know you could always join the team again, and ask the kid yourself.” I shrug, leaning back against the wall. "Though before the cunt croaked he did cough up a solid lead. We all play this right, we might be able to shake this hornets’ nest right outta the fuckin' tree."

“Who all is the team? Is that asshole Frenchie still on it?” He asks. 

"Gwen's come back from her little... 'venture to track down Lamplighter." My lips curl into a sinister smirk, "She's the reason the fiery cunt had to be retired. We've also got some newbies, a wrestler with a thirst to take down America's sweethearts, and an ex-Naval Officer who's had it out for Vought years before the original team was even assembled. Then we've got my new lad, the one who blew a hole in a certain Invisible Cunt…"

He whistles appreciatively. “Translucent? Damn… Let me guess, the wrestler is the girl that you and Gwen brought home the night before things went to shit?” 

"Mmm, and she's a fuckin' firecracker, that one."

He sighs and runs a hand down his face. “Fine... I’m in. Just so long a you’re not bringing in that French asshole.

I nod my head and spread my hands in a placating way, feigning innocence. “You have my word, Mate.” _ Technically not a lie, either. One day M.M might try an' shove my 'technicalities' up my ass. But, he's back onto the team. That's all the fuckin' matters right now. _

“Just don’t drag my family into this, or else there will be hell to pay.” He warns. 

"I promise Mate, your family won't be dragged into this. I'll fully bare my arse for you to kick if it ever happens." 

He nods slightly. “And you better not be lying.” His eyes narrow. 

"Cross my heart and hope to die, and all that rubbish." 

“Hey, I just want your word. Cause I know that’s something I can trust about you. I may be a motherfucker, but at least I’m a motherfucker with a heart… while, you’re just a motherfucker.” 

_ Like I don't know that already, Mate. _

"Look, I promise. I ain't about to make you regret re-joining the team, Mate. I wasn't kiddin' when I said we need all fuckin’ hands on deck."

He nods. “Alright… I’m in. But the second something gets screwy, I’m out, man. Like I said, I’ve got too much to lose now.” 

"As long as your back, Mate. I'll personally pack your shit if you leave." _ Like Gwen wouldn't make me, of course. Soft little shit that she is. _

He chuckles slightly and stands. “Alright… we still at the same safe house?” 

"Yeah, same house. Though it looks a fuckin' sight different. Just look for the building with the big graffiti tits on the side of the wall." 

“Gwen didn’t make you cover those up yet?” He jokes, not knowing that _Gwen_ was the one behind it. 

"Nah, I think they grew on her."

At least they didn't look like her own tits. 'Cause they didn't have that stupid fuckin' butterfly on her collarbone, and the ones on the wall were decidedly… smaller. 

M.M. snorts. “Ah, I’ll meet you guys there in a bit. Gotta finish this shift…” 

°°°°°°°°°°

I bang on the side of the van a few times and smirk when someone rolls up the back door. 

Gwen smirks at me. “Took you long enough.” She teases as she places a hand on her hip. 

I chuckle and climb into the van. “Someone missed me…” I retort, making sure Frenchie and M.M. stay out of the other’s line of sight.

"More like I'm gonna miss the peace and quiet, Will." She looks back over her shoulder and chuckles. "Got it nice and rigged just like you asked."

I roll my eyes at her use of my name. “Ah, I thought the lovey dovey cunts drove ya mad.” I nod my head towards Killian and Ashley. 

The two looked at each other and scooted away from the other or rather, Ash actually moved and put Gwen between them, much to everyone's amusement.

Hughie looks up from the screen he was focusing on and looks over to M.M. before raising an eyebrow at me.

“So, uh… You wanna introduce me to your new team, Butcher?” M.M. looks at them all in turn. 

"Alright, ya cunts. This is M.M, a mighty old bastard from the old team. M.M, ya remember Gwen, but these here new 'nes are Ashley, Hughie, and Killian." 

The three of them offer up awkward greetings. Ashley forces a slight smile, her eyes a little guarded. Perhaps she’s just hoping that M.M. doesn’t remember the night they first crossed paths.

“And you’re not goi-” The words die out in the Frenchman’s mouth as he sees M.M. Before anyone can react, Frenchie has his knife drawn and is ready to fucking slice M.M. open. 

Gwen tries to pull him back as Ash moves to shield Hughie and Killian. 

The men start yelling obscenities at each other as I try to work my way between them. 

Gwen growls in frustration and slams her five inch heels into Frenchie's foot. When he jerks back in pain, moving his knife hand away from M.M, Gwen slams her fist into his solar plexus and grabs the knife from him. She pockets the blade and manhandles Frenchie up unto the wall. 

“You good?” I shout over to Gwen over the men continuing to bicker as I try to keep M.M. from charging at Frenchie, who’s now vulnerable in a way thanks to Gwen keeping him against the wall of the van. 

"I'm good, but Frenchie what the fuck were you think you _ stupide fils de pute! _" 

“What was your _ amoureux _ thinking when he brought _ him _here?” Frenchie snaps back at Gwen, motioning angrily at M.M. 

Gwen’s cheeks heat up and she shoots Frenchie a beyond pissed glare. I’d have to ask her later what he had said to earn such a reaction from her. 

The yelling and incoherent bickering is brought to a screeching halt when someone’s phone starts blasting Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”.

M.M, who was still frozen where Frenchie had pushed him to the wall, reaches to grab his phone. He glares at me and Frenchie with cold fury as he answered, "Hey Baby," 

Hughie looks at Ashley and the two of them exchange a confused look and Killian raises an eyebrow with a shrug as M.M. carries on with his phone call. 

Gwen pats down Frenchie and makes sure he doesn't have anything else on his person, and she's not treatin' him like a delicate fucking flower. He protests and swears at her in French when she manhandles him and pats down his legs. 

"Oi, at least take the fucker out to dinner first before you grope him some more there." 

Gwen shoots me an amused look but reluctantly lets Frenchie go. 

M.M. shoots a glare at me. “No, baby, it’s just some of the guys being… stupid.” 

Frenchie straightens out his clothes and looks at Gwen in annoyance, but his focus is pulled away when M.M. starts to wrap up his phone call, "...Love you too, Baby. I'll see you tonight,” ending it with some ridiculous bloody kissy noises. He shoots a dark glare at us when we start laughing, shoving his phone back into his pocket. 

"Butcher, you're a motherfuckin' liar. And you're all assholes."

Ash snorts slightly in amusement. “I think some of you could definitely afford to take notes from M.M. there on that phone call.” She smirks at me and raises an eyebrow at Gwen. 

Gwen swats her over the head, still laughing. "It's sweet, M. Your girl is lucky, not many men actually say 'I love you' on the phone. Or at all, really."

“Oi! Some of us say it in different ways.” I huff defensively. “Like calling to make sure you’re okay on a bloody suicide mission.”

She raises an eyebrow, "We still like to hear it, dumbass." 

Killian coughs under his breath, the fuckin' cunt muttering something about a lover’s quarrel. 

Ash shifts to shield him from the glares that Gwen and I throw his way. If glares could kill, the cunt would be ten feet under by now.

“Guys, I hate to break this up… but if you want the information tonight, then you’re definitely going to need to make a move soon.” Hughie chimes in, probably hoping to cut this shit off before someone actually dies.

“He’s right you know.” Ashley adds, sending him a thankful look. “So, let’s stop the pissing matches, please and just get this over with.” 

“Got somewhere to go, Ash? Some hot date or somethin’? Who’s the lucky asshole?” I smirk. 

She scoffs, "More like I gotta get the hell out of this testosterone filled tank. Some of y’all need to take it down several notches.” 

"Gotta agree with Ash, here. This isn't a fucking dick measuring contest guys. At least Killian and Hughie aren't pissing on y'all."

Killian smiles slightly and shrugs briefly. _ These damn girls have him wrapped around their fuckin’ little fingers. _

“Can we just focus on the task at hand and then y’all can worry about the personal issues?” Ashley looks at M.M. and Frenchie pleadingly. 

“Yeah, like the fact that Popclaw’s in the fucking appartment already?” Hughie snaps out, his tone sounding slightly exasperated. 

The two look at each other, exchanging one last grudging look before they move over to look at what Hughie was looking at. 

I look at the screen and watch Popclaw wave off some poor stuttering cunt as she made her way inside the apartment building. 

“Can you get us eyes in the apartment?” Killian asks Hughie. 

Hughie tries something on the computer and shakes his head, "Not unless I can hack the cameras in her apartment…"

"Didn't you work for an electronics place, Hughie? Couldn't you just say you were… I dunno… upgrading a firewall or something?" Killian asks as he peers at the screen over Hughie's shoulder.

Hughie cracks a smile and nods, “Yeah… I'll take one of you two with me, though just in case something goes wrong.” He looks at all of us in turn. 

“Take M.M.” I suggest. 

"Yeah, M.M can pretty much turn any choppy peanut butter plan into somethin' silky smooth" Gwen chuckles, eyes flickering between Frenchie and M.M.

Frenchie mutters something under his breath as M.M. ducks out of the van with Hughie. 

I glance over at Gwen, making sure she's okay. 

“Hey, I hate to do this, but I'm gonna step outside and take this.” Ash lifts her phone. If she's answering a phone call it must be pretty fucking important one. 

Gwen squeezes her shoulder as she slips outside. 

Killian leans against the wall of the van, keeping his eyes on the laptop screen while Frenchie sits against the other wall. 

Gwen and I wait to get any sort of a signal that Hughie’s tapped into the cameras. An awkward silence settles between us. Did she really mean it when she said she wanted me to say I love you every now and then? My mind wanders to the night she showed up all bloodied and bruised at my door after taking on Lamplighter and Black Noir alone. She had stolen one of my fuckin shirts and kept it. That's not something you do when you're just friends with someone. I should've bloody kissed her that night, like actually kissed her. But then again, what's to say she'd ever care for a cunt like me. All of us, well there's still a little bit of hope for Ash, Killian, and Hughie, are far beyond any form of salvation at this point. And I sure as hell don't want to drag Gwen any further down with me. She doesn't deserve that.

She looks up at me, almost like she could hear my bloody thoughts, and tilts her head. Platinum blonde hair spills down her back and her face is pinched in a way that almost makes me feel naked. _ What the bloody hell is she staring at me for? _

“Whatcha thinking about there, Will?” She asks quietly. 

I shake my head and shrug. There was no way she was getting that out of me. “Nothin’.” 

Gwen holds my gaze, probably knowing I was lying to her. 

I'm saved by someone knocking at the van. I check to find it’s just Ashley waiting to be let in after wrapping up her phone call. With a smirk, I let her in. “That was a quickie.” 

She rolls her eyes. “It was just Jason. That's all.” 

Gwen raises an eyebrow. 

Killian whistles to get our attention. “Hughie’s in, mates.” 

Hughie gives us a discrete little nod before he gets up from the desktop he had been sitting at to tap into the cameras in the apartment. 

“Now what?” Ash asks. 

“Now… we wait.” 

°°°°°°°°°°

Time moves differently when you're doin a stakeout in a moving van. I'm not sure if it's been an hour or maybe even less before A-Train and Popclaw settle in for some intimacy. M.M., Frenchie, and I exchange a look while Hughie looks slightly disturbed at the actions taking place. Ash flinches slightly and looks away while Gwen and Killian remain emotionless while the D-List Supe starts to suck her mate’s toes. 

"Figures the Speed-Supe has a foot kink.." Gwen mutters, "I ain't one to kink shame... but that's _nasty_ as fuck." 

Ashley mutters something I can't quite make out, but it makes the temporary blonde hit her arm.

"Heeey~" she hisses and ducks to hide behind Killian, but something on the screen catches my attention. 

I move over to get a better view of the screen. It looks almost like the fuckin’ bastards were shooting up something blue. A light chuckle escapes my lips. “Bingo. We've got ‘em.” 

The elastics 'round their arms were barely off before the two super powered cunts started going at it. And I mean _ going at it _, the fucking kinky bastards.

“Can we please shut it off now?” Ash asks quietly. She’d moved from her hiding spot behind Killian and was now somewhat tucked into his side. 

A loud, shrill moan comes from the speaker just before Killian turned and shut off the video. A collective shudder seems to run right through all of us then. 

“So, now what? How do we get close enough to get whatever the hell that was?” Hughie asks, looking at all of us in turn. 

"I don't know what the rest of you guys were doing but I saw A-Train slip some V into his bag." M.M piped up from his corner, alternating between glaring at me and Frenchie.

Ash bites her lip, looking like she had something to add but wasn't sure if she wants to speak up on it. 

"Wait, isn't there a huge race going down between A-Train and some other Supe this weekend?" Killian asks. 

“Yeah, why?” Hughie frowns and looks at the man. 

“We could fuckin’ sneak in and get some of that shit.” I grin. 

“Well, _ you guys _ can…” Ash mumbles. “I'll see if I can get anything rubbing elbows with Vought employees.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Gwen looks at the younger woman. 

“Vought agreed to throw some funds towards the new gym, but there's a catch. They want me back in the ring… Jason was able to get it to where Jason and I have control over anything that happens with Lexi Barnes… but I do have to attend Vought parties.” She runs a hand through her hair. 

"And I take it there's a party around the same time as this race, isn't there?" Gwen twitches, her eyes narrowing as she glares at a dent in the van wall.

She nods. “Yeah… I don't want to go, but, I have to fix what damage I made.” Her tone is soft and somber. 

“You’re not going alone.” Killian says, surprising us all. “I'll go with you.” 

Ash shakes her head. “No, the guys need you at the race.” 

"There's more than enough people here to hit up the race." Gwen looks over, "and I'm not letting you go anywhere near Vought alone, Ashley. When we get back to base we're going to call up Jason and figure out a way for me to be there too. And that is not a request or a question."

She sighs. “I'm fine with you going, in fact I was going to ask you to come with me. Because I _know_ it’d be a bad look for Lexi Barnes to show up with a man. I am not subjecting Killian to the rumors. And I'm not putting him in Vought’s line of fire because they assume he’s my lover or some shit.” She almost sounds like she wouldn't mind the former assumption from the fuckin' company. 

"Well then, I guess you just got a new gal on your team there, Doll." She smirks widely, with a little too much tooth to be anything less than scary. She loops an arm around Ashley and presses a kisses to her forehead, despite Ash fighting and ducking her head.

“Fine. We’ll call Jason later, okay?” Ash sounds stressed. It's not something I'm used to hearing from her. She's usually more composed than this. "You'll probably be a part of my team in the actual ring. So you might want to think up a fake name there.”

Gwen shrugs loosely, looking far too amused, "I'll think of something, and I've still got numbers from your old equipment suppliers, I can probably get a decent set of gear if I need to." 

Ashley nods and looks away, distraction filling her eyes. “Yeah… sure…” It's almost painful to watch when she jumps as Killian places his hand on her shoulder. 

“Let’s get back to the base so you two can further discuss this, okay?” I offer, just wanting to fix whatever was bugging Ashley. Not that I'd ever admit to such a fucking thing, got a reputation to keep up an' all.

The girls shrug and Gwen nods. “Sounds good, Will.” 

Frenchie twitches in his little corner, mumbling something about "Putain de dumbasses sont bien trop denses. Je jure devant Dieu…" 

I swear to fucking god this asshole speaks in French just to piss me off sometimes. I need to brush up on me french before I strangle the fucker.

Gwen shoots him a dark look before saluting him with her middle finger. He snorts and flips her off back, smirking like he didn't just piss of our fucking Demon, _again_.

°°°°°°°°°°

Sure enough, after we've been back at the base for an hour, the girls are in the training room. Currently Ash’s sitting on a mat with her phone in hand as she watches Gwen. 

As soon as they got home they changed and, in Gwen’s case, removed a metric _shit ton_ of makeup. Currently Gwen is beating the absolute shit out of a punching bag, apparently someone took the liberty of defacing it by duct taping Supe pictures onto it. She was aiming at Lamplighters hooded face the most. 

A man’s voice comes from the other end of Ash’s phone. “You’re training her?” He asks. 

“Yeah, she’s been wanting to learn for awhile, so I figured why not?” Ash waves at me. 

I nod at her and lean against the doorframe, watching Gwen. 

“Can you two come by tomorrow?” Jason, I'm guessing, asks. 

“Gwen, are you okay with swinging by the gym tomorrow?” Ash calls, making me chuckle. Gwen'd give the shirt off her back for someone, even if she didn't have time, she'd make it.

"'Course, Hun. Just give me the time," Gwen shoots back, tugging off the boxer gloves and unwrapping her hands. Sweat beading on her neck and sliding down her back, only to disappear behind her bra. 

Ash nods and turns her attention back to the phone. “Does noon work for y'all?” She looks at Gwen with a raised brow. 

I toss Gwen a towel as she heads over to Ash. She gives me a quick, lazy grin, drying her forehead and neck with it. 

"Yeah, noon's fine." She hums, proceeding to sprawl out across one of the cushioned mats Ash is sitting on. 

Jason hums in approval. “Alright. I'll see you two tomorrow. And thanks again, Ash for agreeing to it.” 

Ash nods as she wraps up the call with Jason. 

“Need water or anything?” I ask Gwen, watching her chest rise and fall as she's sprawled out. It wasn't meant to be remotely suggestive but, fuckin hell… I push the thoughts that threatened to take over as I look at her. Her lips are parted slightly as she catches her breath, slick sweat collecting on the planes of her chest and stomach.

"Yeah, some water would be fantastic right now, Will.." she puffs her cheeks out and wipes her face again. I catch Ash looking up from her phone in amusement, when she looks at me I flip her off and, like a bloody adult, she sticks her tongue out. _ Bloody fucking brat.. _

“I'll be back," I tap her leg with me boot, fully ignoring the looks and getting from the brat next to her.

She hums in acknowledgement, cracking her eyes open slightly and flashing a crooked smile at me. If me heart were well and whole it would'a melted, or some other bullshit flowery term. As it were I haven't let me heart take control of me feelings since Becca. And like I've done when these feelings try to run, I stuff 'em back in ta a neat little box, surrounded by signs that say "do not fucking touch"

Part of me, three years ago, would have shit a fuckin' brick at the thought of being like this. This.. _ soft _, it's almost disgusting. I haven't given this many fucks for a woman since…...

But a-fuckin'-pparently that bullshit’s a moot point when it comes to two certain ladies in me life

Ash is simply platonic, even if I see a bit of me Becca in her, She’s like a little sister. Or somethin’ like that, at least. But Gwen’s... _ different_. She don't fit in any of these neat little boxes. She ain't like Ashley or me Becca, and I haven't been able to stick a lable on her. It's fucking infuriating. I grab the waters from the fridge and mutter something to myself about being wrapped around their damn fingers. 

I really should just lock away these... _feelings_ forever. It'd save us all the fucking grief if they ever came out. And God damn do I want to lock all these poisonous, treacherous thoughts in a box. Toss the whole lot 'em in ta the ocean. They've done worse to greater men. But I ain't even a Man no more. You'd think that would make it easier. It doesn't. 

I'm not a good man, far fuckin' cry from one if I ever did see one. I've done some dark shit, even enjoyed it. Fuck me, I've gone so far down the rabbit hole it's a surprise I'm not lost in Wonderland or some other shit. No one deserves or wants that kind of crazy motherfucker. 

So...why the _fuck_ do I feel like a human around her?


	9. Ash's PoV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all thanks for sticking around and all the love and support on the chapter. I know updates have been few and far between, and for that I'm sorry. It's on me. Writer's block is hitting HARD af and I kinda decided to change the route the story is taking, and consequentially some of the ships as well. 
> 
> Anywho, here's the links to Lexi/Ash's entrance music and to Genie/Gwen's entrance music :) 
> 
> Lexi: https://youtu.be/r24PhMkXlsM   
Genie: https://youtu.be/j2OD-dV7j_I 
> 
> If the links don't work for any reason just look up "Phantom" by NateWantsToBattle and "Mz. Hyde" by Halestorm.

“Look, kid, you know I trust you with your music choices…” Jason starts, “but why this one?” He jerks his head towards the computer screen with the song I’d sent him the day before queued up. 

The song I’d picked was a far cry from my previous entrance music of Carrie Underwood’s “All-American Girl” and was the furthest thing from Vought’s selected “Starstrukk” by 3OH!3-trust me Jason and I had a good laugh about that one. But this song, it was somehow just  _ fitting _ . Something about a song admitting that you’re going to totally ruin someone if they stay and admitting that you’re probably the worst thing that could happen to them was fitting. 

I smile sweetly. “Because, no matter how hard Vought tries, I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be a stain on their pristine reputation. I’m always going to be that ghost in their bed. I ain’t going anywhere.” 

He chuckles slightly and nods. “And you handled the licensing stuff, I’m assuming?” 

“Yep. The artist seems like a pretty chill guy. He was pretty excited that I wanted to use his music for an entrance theme.” Sure, we’d only chatted over email, but what was I supposed to do? Nathan lives out in LA, so it’s not like I could sit down with him and talk over coffee or something. 

“Cool, cool. And Gwen’s decided on a ring name?” 

“Genie Butcher. I sent over her music too.” 

He raises an eyebrow and looks at his computer, "Well, I'm guessing she's gonna be one of our badasses, huh?" 

I laugh, “Have you met Gwen? She’s a dramatic badass.” I smile warmly and glance out the window, watching said woman warm up. 

"Fair enough," he looks out the window too, chuckling when one of the other rookies ends up on his ass. 

I tilt my head slightly. “So, I have an idea for introducing not only Lexi and Genie as a duo but also introducing Genie. And it won’t make anyone else look weak.” I look over at Jason, “Well, except Lexi, which we can play off as ring rust.” 

Jason hums in acknowledgement before turning his focus back to me. 

“We have a couple of the girls who’ve been kicking ass lately come out while Lexi’s talking, announcing that it’s still her ring even though she vacated it for a bit, you know? And have them talk about how it’s their house now, attack Lexi. The numbers get to be too much, and then bam! Genie comes darting down the ramp, kicks some ass. Lexi gets up and they take the girls out before reaching some uneasy appearing alliance.”

Jason's eyebrows shoot up, "Well I'll be damned, you really pulled out all the stops, huh? Did you talk with the girls yet or am I the only one getting a preview?" 

I smile and shake my head, “Not yet, you know how I work. I run it by you, spitball ideas with you, and then present it to the girls or guys I’m working the moment with.” I shrug slightly. Jason and I were a team, nothing was going to change that.

He chuckles, clicking around on his computer, "Good, I'm glad to see you didn't get rusty while you were out of the ring. Though I fully expect to see your ass out there with your new partner." 

"As soon as we're done here I'm gonna head out to practice with Genie." I think back to our plans for later and cringe. "Then she's dragging me out to buy dresses for the Vought party, and she wants to talk with Kevin Knott about commissioning her ring gear."

Jason cringes and massages his temples, "I tried to get you out of it, or talk some sense into them. But the assholes in Vought HQ wouldn't listen." He lets out a drawn out sigh, "You'll have to keep me updated with Genie’s progress and all her details for her file. I expect to see her in the gym at least three times a week working with the girls."

I nod and playfully salute. “Yes, sir.” For a moment, it’s just like old times. Me pitching an idea to Jason, the two of us tweaking it as needed/fitting, and just going from there… I sigh as I push the thoughts away. That wasn’t coming back. It was too far gone. I’d be lucky if I could get out of bed in the morning and just be able to function without having to look over my shoulder every few seconds. 

It helps having the others around, cause I know regardless of what I say, they'd butcher anything before it got to me and Hughie. Even if he doesn't know that. But still, Vought is a huge shadow looming overhead and it gets so oppressive…

I shake myself out of my thoughts when there's a knock at the door. Leaning against the doorframe is a very sweaty Gwen, her natural hair tied up into a high ponytail, though in her eyes are the dark blue contacts she plans on using for Genie. And, like me, you wouldn't really be able to tell how much muscle our clothes hide, since before today I didn't know she had the starting of abs and such strong legs. I myself have pretty strong arms and legs, but my stomach isn't quite there on abs yet,or rather I had been there but I let myself go after everything that happened that night. 

“Hey, Kid. What's up?” Jason smiles warmly. 

Gwen smiles and waves. “Just wanted to steal Ash away for a second.” 

I nod and wave to Jason before the two of us head out of his office. “What's up, Miss Butcher?” I smirk. 

Gwen’s cheeks flush, but it's hidden, for the most part, by the flush from working out. “Shush. Billy just texted me. He has some stuff for us for tonight.” 

I raise an eyebrow. “He does?” 

She shrugs, "I didn't get to ask questions. I didn’t reply to the text so he called and said he had some stuff for us and that we should head back soon. Then he hung up." She wiped her face and shrugged again. "I assume it's something to do with the Vought party but I have no idea what Will is planning.”

I nod and head to grab my bag. “Well, I guess we’d better find out then, huh?” 

°°°°°°°°°°

Once we get back to the base, we’re both handed some boxes. Billy grumbles something about getting us gifts for good luck tonight or some shit like that. Gwen and I exchange a look and shrug before heading to get changed. 

I open the first box to find a shirt that says “No means fucking no.” repeated on it a couple of times. It takes me a few moments to process it and it nearly brings me to tears. Billy had gone out of his way to get this… I stare at the shirt, dumbfounded as tears fall down my cheeks. The way that the writing was positioned allowed the shirt to be cropped or tucked in without marring the message. I wipe at the tears falling down my face and compose myself as I change into the shirt and the shorts I use as ring gear. Slowly I open the second box to find a pair of solid black Converse. They look like the usual all blacked out sneakers but there’s a faint shimmer to the fabric. It’s not enough to be super obvious but it’s there as a nice little touch. I pull them on and look in the mirror. Not going to lie, I was shocked that Billy had actually been able to get my sizes right without asking me. I doubt he dug through my stuff, but the thought does briefly cross my mind. 

“Oi, we don’t got all day, Sweetheart.” Billy calls. “Let’s see it.” 

When I step out Gwen's already out there, changed into a pair of dark jeans shorts and a black shirt, her temporary ring gear till she gets her professional stuff. She's wearing a long black leather jacket that's got a heavily studded collar and no sleeves, as well as a pair of deadly looking black heeled boots that go over the knee. 

“You sure you can wrestle in those?” I ask, eying her boots suspiciously, especially the heels. 

"Honey, I kicked Black Noir and Lamplighter’s collective asses in heels higher than these."

“Okay, let me rephrase, how sharp is that heel? Cause trust me, you don’t want it known that on your first day you busted someone open with a high heel.” I raise an eyebrow at her. 

She laughs, "Don't worry, these are just for show. I've got a pair of tamer ones with a wider heel for the actual ring." 

I nod softly, relaxing slightly. I look her over. “Looks good…” I’m doing anything to keep myself from acknowledging the pair of blue eyes that are threatening to burn a hole into me due to the shock of seeing me back in my ring gear. 

Billy notices this, of course he does, and smirks. “Damn, I guess I’m better at guessing sizes than I thought. It looks good on you, Ash.” 

At that Gwen lights up and turns around, showing off the back of her jacket. "By the way, look at what Will did." She grins over her shoulder. In bolded letters there's the same message that was on my shirt. 

As I look at the message on the other woman’s jacket, the tears well up again. “Billy…” I start before moving to hug the man. 

He must be feeling real good today cause he hugs me back tightly. And it can't quite be called nuzzling, but he noses at my temple in a weirdly sweet manner.

“Thank you.” I whisper, ignoring Killian’s eyes on us. Something told me he was jumping to conclusions and wasn’t totally buying that I was like a sister to Billy, no matter how many times we told him that. 

Gwen wraps an arm around me and kisses my other temple, "Seriously, thank you Will. These are perfect."

He chuckles and rolls his eyes playfully. “Hey, you two deserve nothing but good shit, alright? Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And Ash, I figured you could also wear those to the Vought party.” 

"Sadly the party is pretty formal. But," I grin a little, "I plan on wearing a long dress, though, so the shoes stay at least."

He snorts. “When has Lexi Barnes ever played by the rules?” He teases and ruffles my hair. 

"Probably about as much as Ms. Genie Butcher plays by them. Which is to say, almost never" Gwen flushes and ducks around Billy. _Oh, he didn't know her ring name then._ _Oops..._

I watch as Billy raises an eyebrow, “Takin my last name without me knowin, eh, Gwen?” He chuckles. “I mean, I wish ya would’ve let me offer it to ya first, Love.” 

She flushes a darker shade of pink than I've ever seen on her and ducks her head. This is also the shyest I've ever seen her, wow.

“It’s cute.” Killian says and smiles slightly. “Maybe Lexi could get a name change too…” he offers with a wink. Playful as it is, I can tell it's genuinely just for a laugh. Which in itself makes me relax and shoot him a smile.

I still flush and shake my head. “Nah, too confusing for the fans, especially the kids. I’m not putting them through that.” 

He nods. “Fair enough. The offer still stands if you change your mind.” He smiles crookedly.And I have the feeling that if Billy wasn’t so distracted with teasing Gwen he might have smacked Killian on the head.

I smile and nod awkwardly. Yeah, I have feelings for Killian but I doubt he feels the same. Plus, the last thing I want to do is drag my personal life more so into my professional one. 

“Did you get your dress yet?” Killian asks, trying to make small talk. 

“Yeah, I did. I just had to get it tailored a little.” I show him a picture of the dress Gwen had helped me pick out on my phone. "We're picking it up in a bit,since Gwen already has hers." I showed him Gwen's dress too, her dress was elegant and sleek, like mine. Though her dress was a black, backless, and had cutouts over her hips that are outlined in silver.

Mine is a little on the plain side, but I liked it. It was a nice blue and covered right up to my collarbones. And Gwen had figured out a way to add sleeves to the otherwise sleeveless dress without making it look unnatural.

As I’m showing him the pictures, I get an email. 

“Who’s that?” He asks, his tone getting a little bit defensive. He blinks and his face smooths out, no so rough as it was a second ago 

I raise an eyebrow and look at my screen to see who’d sent the email and if it was anything important. Sure enough, it was just a short little email from Nate wishing me luck tonight. “Oh, he’s the artist who’s behind the song I’m using for my entrance theme. He’s a nice guy.” 

He hums in thought but doesn’t say anything else. 

Billy must have finished teasing Gwen cause he looked over my shoulder, even though he got swatted for it. "Entrance theme?" 

“Yeah, the music I walk out to. It needed to be changed, so I found a song, got in touch with the artist of said song, and got his permission to use it.” I explain. “We chatted a little bit and that’s it. He’s a nice guy, nothing more, nothing less.” 

Gwen hums softly, her face slowly turning back to normal. "And I needed one for myself, so Ash helped me find one and get in contact with the right people so I could use it." 

Billy hums, “Well can we hear your themes?” He raises an eyebrow, genuinely curious. 

I grin innocently. “If you come on out tonight, yeah. Other than that, nope.” 

He shrugs, "Dunno how long the race'll take but we should be done well before your comeback match tonight. If you want us there, we'll be there." He glances over at Gwen before looking at me and smirking crookedly. 

I shrug. “Yeah, if y’all want to come you can. I mean we don’t have a match tonight… We’re closing out the show with my return and her introduction. So it’s up to you.” 

Killian nods. “Aye, I’ll be there.” 

"Ya should know by now I'll be there, Ash." He ruffled my hair again, messing it up further. "Gotta be there for my favorite girls, huh?"

I smile softly and nod. “Sounds good. I’ll get you guys’ seats saved.” 

Gwen clears her throat. “Hey, I think we need to get going. Cause we’ve still got to do hair and makeup.” 

I nod again and hug Billy one last time. “Thanks again for everything.”

Billy pats my back, “Of course, Ash.” 

°°°°°°°°°°

“Did he seem off to you?” I ask as I fix my eyeliner. 

“Who?” Gwen asks, leaning against the table. Her makeup almost done, smoked out and black, with silver highlight on her cheekbones.

“Killian. Like he kinda freaked out about the email, almost like he was jealous or something.” I eye her. 

"I wasn't paying that much attention, to be honest. I was pretty distracted by Billy." She glares at me before putting on some freaking dark ass lipstick.

“In my defense, I thought he knew.” I finish up the eyeliner before smoking it out slightly. I’d gone for a more natural eyeshadow look but with smoked out black liner. The look would be paired with a nice red lipstick. “He got really defensive about the email, like right before Billy came over. Like, am I missing something here? I’m not anything to him other than a friend, so I really don’t see why he’s all moody cause someone I’m on professional terms with is reaching out to wish me luck on something, you know?” 

"Maybe he's seeing you as more than a friend, Babe. Even if it's none of his business, he may be jealous."

I raise an eyebrow. “Jealous of a man I’ve never met face to face? Seriously? And even if he’s seeing me as more, him acting like that isn’t really doing anyone any favors. Like yeah, I get it, I’d be jealous too, but I wouldn’t…” I sigh in frustration. “There’s something possessive with his jealousy… and I don’t know if I like that.” 

Gwen frowns and turns around to look at me, "Do you need me to talk with him?"

I shrug. “Maybe I’m just reading it wrong… But all I do know is he didn’t want to take his eyes off of me and he wasn’t too happy that I hugged Billy.” I cross my arms. 

"Wait, what? Doesn't he know that Billy's practically your big brother? Plus.." she swallows, "Billy doesn't see anyone like that anyway. That's not him."

I sigh. “He’s probably thinking with his dick and not his brain.” I nearly laugh when she says that Billy doesn’t see anyone in that way. “Holy shit, you’re totally oblivious aren’t you?” 

She laughs loudly at the first part, because she's Gwen, duh. Then she blinks and looks at me confused, wow. "I..what am I 'totally oblivious' to?" 

“Billy’s definitely got a crush on you, dude. It’s pretty clear. Look at the way he teases you compared to how he teases me. It’s two very distinct ways of teasing.” I shake my head. 

And there's that dark blush again, she looks down and crosses her arms. "Trust me, you've got it all wrong, Ash… it's nothing like that.."

“You like him, don’t you?” I smirk. “It  _ is  _ like that. Don’t make me handle this the way they do in high school: locking y’all in a closet until y’all are boning.” 

She sputters and swats my arm, hard. "Ashley! Don't you fucking dare, you little shit…" She hisses, shooting daggers at me. And that answers my first question  _ very _ clearly. 

“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Doll.” I smirk as I finish up my makeup. 

"Ashley I swear to God…" she grumbles, shoving her ring gear into a bag, along with something round that's wrapped in fabric.

“Whatcha got there, friend?” I tease.

She glares at me again, still put off from earlier. Gwen pulls it out and unwraps it, "This was the other thing Will picked up for me. I had to have it custom made," she holds up a tarnished silver thorn crown, just like the one worn by Jesus in that old Lady Gaga music video, though this one has small silver roses dotted through the thorns.

I smile softly, “And yet you think he doesn’t care about you like that.” I tease. 

"I swear to God I will stab you with this, Ashley Nicole." She grumbles, wrapping it back up regardless. "I did try before, Ash. He made it clear nothing’s going to happen between us. Okay?"

I put my hands up in surrender. “It’s probably cause he doesn’t want to hurt you and/or he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. He likes you as more than a friend, Gwen. Trust me.”

"Just drop it... please?" She turns around and sets her bag on a chair, wiping at her eyes.

I quietly move over to her and hug her. “I’m sorry.” 

"You didn't mean anything by it, I know Ash. It's okay," she wraps an arm around my shoulders.

I sigh and nod. "Still.."

She wipes her eyes again and looks at me, blinking a few times before she lets out a very girlish giggle. "Nice makeup, Ash. Or should I call you Mrs. Phantom now?"

I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Hush. I liked the look okay? That’s all.” I laugh and push her shoulder gently. 

She laughs then sighs a little, "It's a good look on you, Babe. Now, sadly, are you ready to go and face the Vought themed music?"

I nod and high five her. “Let’s do this thing.” 

°°°°°°°°°°

I can't help but grin as I hit the flip back over the ropes in time with the music. So many rounds of practice had been put into that moment and to get it on the first go. 

If the new music, look, and attitude threw the fans off they weren't letting it show. My feet hit the inside of the ring as the drum hits before the chorus. 

I flip my head up and wave as Nate sings “I’m not what you want, but I'm exactly what you need.” 

Once the crowd starts to quiet down, I start to talk into the mic. “Well, hello, New York! For those of you who don't know, or may have forgotten, my name is Lexi Barnes.” They cheer and I wait for them to fall quiet again. “I'm gonna be honest with y'all, I'm not at 100% and I don't think that I'll ever be there again, but I don't think you ever truly recover when it comes to that degree of trauma. But you know what? I'm a freaking fighter. And I'm not going anywhere.” I wave cockily at the cameras used to record the show and broadcast it. “So, I'm just gonna keep doing what I love and I'm a sucker for a good fi-” I stop as two of the newer girls come out with their music. They had the stereotypical mean girl persona, like the girls in high school who were part of the popular crowd. 

“I don't think she’s heard, Addie,” Rose hums mockingly. “She doesn't know she doesn't call the shots anymore.” 

Addie nods as they strut down to the ring. “Yep, it’s  _ our _ house now, Lex.” She pouts condescendingly. 

I lean on the ropes opposite of them. “I mean, why don't y'all come on down here and prove that it's your house. I'm rusty, and there's two of you… I should be a piece of cake.” I shrug. 

Addie and Rose exchange a look before tossing their mics to the side and rushing the ring. I plant my feet and shove my shoulder into Rose’s gut as she comes towards me. Addie rips me away from her partner. I do make a little bit of progress, managing to take down Rose temporarily before working against them solo starts to be too much. They manage to get me to the mat and take turns kicking at me. Thankfully the girls aren't hitting my back, most of the hits are aimed at my stomach and legs. That I can handle. 

A new song starts blasting through the speakers, the fans have never heard it before but they scream and cheer anyways as Gwen, as Genie Butcher, rushes to the ring. She slides through the ropes and makes quick work of Addie with a ferocity that matches her personality. It becomes apparent  _ very _ quickly that the new girl is quite adept at kicking ass in the ring. The crowd starts cheering once more when Addie is tossed out of the ring. Rose looks at the newcomer with obvious shock and fear before sliding out of the ring to help Addie up and back towards the ramp, playing up the cowardly heel angle. 

Genie watches them leave before turning her focus to me as I prop myself up against the turnbuckle. The audience watches curiously as Genie starts towards me. My expression matches their curiosity. Her eyebrow twitches faintly, I repress a smile and watch her. 

She offers me her hand and I slowly take it. She holds our arms up and the crowd cheers as Halestorm’s “Mz. Hyde” blasts through the speakers. 

  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

I shake my hands out nervously before I head down the stairs where Gwen was already waiting. She looked stunning and I was surprised Billy was still functioning after seeing her in the black dress. 

“I feel like your fuckin’ dad watching you come down to get your prom date.” Billy jokes. 

I flip him off and brush some hair away from my face. 

Gwen laughs and elbows the man playfully. “Be nice, Will.”

“What? That was nice!” He grumbles. 

Killian studies me as I reach the bottom step. “You look great.” He smiles softly. 

My cheeks heat up. “Thanks.” I duck my head shyly at the compliment. He kisses my cheek before draping something over my shoulders. 

“Just so you don't get cold.” He hums as I put the sleeves of his leather jacket on. 

Gwen and Billy watch the two of us curiously. 

“Thanks. I'll try not to get any sleazy guys’ drinks on it.” I grimace at the memory of one of the previous Vought parties I'd attended. 

Gwen talks with Billy quitely for a minute while she pulls on a half leather jacket that's decorated with silver spikes. Basically it's big "Don't touch me, and don't fuck with me" vibes.

After she gets the jacket on, she turns to me. “Ready to go?” 

I nod slightly, making a mental note to mention that we should probably get a picture of the two of us at some point since Jason said Vought wants all talent to increase their social media presence. It helps that Gwen and I set her up with her own wrestling accounts on Twitter and Instagram. 

I’d had mine for a bit and had been able to somewhat maintain a healthy amount of posts. I hadn't posted while I was taking the self-imposed break but that's about it. I tried to post at least once a week before that, though.

Gwen loops her arm through mine and kisses my temple, somehow managing to not ruin our makeup. "Let go face the music, Ash." She squeezes my hand and smiles, looking back at the guys. "We'll see you later. And I'll make sure to keep you updated, Billy." 

Billy nods. “Have fun, and be safe.” 

We both snort at that, "We'll try.” 

“Text me if you need anything.” Killian chimes in as we start towards the door. 

I turn back and give him a small smile, "Thanks Killian, I will."

He nods, clearly satisfied with the answer. 

I take a deep breath as Gwen and I head outside and down towards the car. Jason has always teased me about it, but I prefer to drive to and from big events, especially Vought parties. After what happened at the last one, it was a nice way for me to feel like I had some control over what was going on. 

Gwen squeezes my hand again and slides into the passenger side of her car, adjusting her thorn crown so it wouldn't scratch up the roof of the Mini Mark I. That car was her baby, decked out with brown leather seats, an old cassette player, and a police radio wired into the dash. And I was the only one with a spare key to it. I offered to use my car, but Gwen had protested saying it was too simple and didn’t fit either of our personas. It’s an old muscle car that's probably seen better days. 

I laugh and shake my head, starting the car, "I still can't believe you're wearing the crown to the party, Gwen."

"I mean, I gotta flaunt my Queen status, don't I?" She winks and gives up on fixing it, putting it on her lap. I laugh and pull out of the driveway, rolling my eyes at her. 

"You're something, I'll give you that, girl."

°°°°°°

I duck around the party, making sure not to spend too much time in one spot, out of the corner of my eye I can see Gwen doing the same, but she also takes the time to really ham it up for the patrons. I watch as she bats her eyelashes and smiles coyly at an older gentleman, laughing at whatever he’d said. 

Once upon a time, that'd been me, but now I was just too far on edge to even think about flattery. 

“Hey, you look a little stressed, let me get you a drink.” A smooth voice coaxes, gently touching my arm. 

I shake my head and find myself face to face with the Seven’s resident aquatic-based hero, The Deep. “I don't drink.” I say with a thin smile. 

“Oh, come on, cut the good girl image shit.” He rolls his eyes. “No one here buys it anyways.” 

I purse my lips. “I said no. I know you don't have a firm understa-” 

The Supe grabs my arm harshly and my whole body tenses up as I try not to shut down. “Listen here, Lexi, I don’t know what you heard or how you heard about that, but she was giving off mixed signals.” He snarls. So that was the PR spin they were putting on Starlight’s assault, huh? “So why don't you just be a good slut and let me get you a drink.” His smile is sickeningly charming. 

I feel someone else place a hand on my shoulder and I slowly turn to look at them. 

_ Genie… _ Words fail to leave my lips as I open my mouth to speak to the woman. 

“Hey, I think I saw one of the sponsors Jason’s friends with. Why don't we go talk to them?” She smiles kindly. “Cause I'm sure that’s a good idea with so much press around.” She raises her voice slightly and I feel the grip on my other arm slacken. 

“Oh, yeah, of course.” I manage to whisper. 

Genie gently guides me to a quiet part of the room. “You good?” 

I shake my head. 

She nods. “You wanna head home?” 

“I… yeah…” I deflate, knowing it would look bad on us if we left this early. 

“Hey, we can play it off as just us needing to get to bed early because we've got a media or training day.” She coaxes. "Besides, that's pretty believable since I'm your new partner. We stayed long enough to appease the uptight arseholes. And I know you're getting uncomfortable, Babe." She shoots a look over her shoulder and I don't have to look back to know she's glaring at The Deep. 

I shrug and lean into her side, "Let's just finish up this rotation then excuse ourselves." My eyes drop to the floor and I kinda wish I still had on Killian's coat. 

She nods and brushes a stray strand out of my face. “15 minutes and we’ll be out of here, okay?” 

I nod and force myself to straighten up, rolling my shoulders back as I do.  _ Chances taken, smile til you fake it, right?  _ I think to myself as I force my lips into the stage smile. I had to be Lexi f’n Barnes, the woman who just made her in ring return and sent a message to Vought, not Ashley, the broken girl struggling to keep it together in this damn building. 

Genie gives me a nod of approval before we start making our rounds again. The two of us stay close together, playing it off as me wanting to show her the ropes. We smile for the cameras, shake hands, do it all except for kiss babies. A jarring thought flickers through my mind but I push it away: We’re no different than Vought’s heroes… 

°°°°°°

“You sure it was a right?” I ask quietly as Gwen whirls around on her heels. 

“Yeah, cause we came in from the left so…” She frowns in realization. “We should've gone left.” 

“Yep.” I crack a tiny smile as I wrap Killian’s coat around me a little tighter. There was that one spot in the building that was so much colder than the rest… a lump forms in my throat as we take a left at the first opening we can. 

“Ash, why'd you stop?” Gwen asks softly. 

I'm frozen in place, like in a nightmare where you want to run but you can't, and my stomach sinks as I come face to face with the numbered plaque by the door. My hands shake and I can't do anything to stop it. I knew the path we were taking was familiar but I just ignored it so now I was paying the price: I'm shutting down. Just like I had halfway through my time in that room. 

Gwen places her hand on my shoulder and I slowly turn to look at her, much like I had at the party when she came to save me from the Deep.

I’d been lucky that time, but being face to face with yet another stark reminder that I might not always be, that not everyone always  _ is  _ as lucky, is enough to make me just…  _ stop. _ Her voice is muffled and I can't make out what she’s saying. I just stare listlessly. 

That’s when I feel Gwen start to drag me along. She drags me for a few hallways before my feet slowly start to help her. 

I can't really remember much of what happened after that, I was like a fly stuck in a web, struggling to get away from the memories but the more I struggled the more I got tangled. Sounds turned to white noise around me, like someone stuck my head underwater.

I start coming around maybe halfway on the ride home, Gwen was playing some old 90s music on a cassette tape. My car seat is reclined back and Killian's jacket was draped over my chest. "Wha," I try to sit up and clear my throat. "What happened?" My head is full of fog and my arms felt kinda heavy. 

"Hey sweetheart take it easy, okay? You had a bit of a panic attack back there. I gave you something to help calm you down," she reaches over and squeezes my hand, I force myself to relax and lay back. 

"We're almost home. Then I'm gonna mix you up something to help you sleep tonight, okay?" She glances away from the road for a second, "You don't have to tell me anything right now. Or ever, just let me know if you need me, okay?" 

I nod and lean my head to the side, watching the various streetlights as Gwen drives. Quietly, I pull Killian's jacket up to my chin. Somehow I was finding more comfort in the leather jacket than I thought I would.

Right before we pull into the driveway, if you could call it that, I speak again. “That was the room…” 

Gwen looks at me as she parks, her eyes softening. “Oh, honey…” She unbuckles and leans across the seat to hug me. 

I quietly lean against her, fighting back the tears that threaten to spill out. 

“Let’s get you inside, okay?”

I nod and start to get out of the car. Gwen watches me quietly before she gets out as well. 

Silently, we head up to the house. Billy opens the door as we get to it. 

He smiles thinly and looks between the two of us. “What’s wrong?” His smile starts to slip and rage and concern replace it. 

She shakes her head as we head inside. 

I quietly head to my room, closing the door being me. I take off the dress and change into an oversized hoodie. I flop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I feel numb. Tears start to fall down my cheeks and before I know it sobs are escaping my lips.

Every now and then I can hear them talking, it's mostly muffled and I can't make sense of anything between my mind going dark and the blood rushing in my ears. 

But even the blood rushing in my ears can't hide the slamming door. My whole body tenses as my breath quickens. It rings in my ears and stays there until I feel something wrap around my middle. 

My body starts to shut down until I hear a familiar voice. “You okay, Love?” Killian whispers. 

I shake my head and roll over to face him. Before I can say anything the sobs start up again. 

Killian doesn’t say anything as he pulls me into his chest, rubbing my back soothingly. He kisses my temple. 

Part of me screams for me to push him away, scared of any physical contact while the other part of me melts in his arms. And that's the part that starts to win out as he murmurs about how he’s got me and I'm safe. 


	11. Killian's PoV

The first time I saw him in person was the first time she saw him in person too.

Ash is making her rounds with the fans, high-fiving and stopping for pictures and half hugs. When she gets to a man in the front row she tilts her head slightly before she breaks into a bright grin and hugs him as best as she can with the metal barricade between them. 

A sharp jealousy stabs my heart. She’s  _ mine _ and I know she wouldn't cheat or anything, but she just seems a little too happy to see him. 

A couple of weeks had passed since we first started dating. She fell into my arms when she was in a bad way and next thing I know I asked her out to dinner and somehow ended up getting the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend. 

She says something to him and hands him a paper. I know that paper. It's the one she used to slip to me before I was known backstage as her plus one; Billy used to get one from Gwen too.

She gives him one last smile before heading past the rest of the crowd and making her way to me. A chaste peck on the lips accompanied with a crooked grin is all I get, but it's enough to lessen the tension in my shoulders. She doesn’t seem as excited to see me as she had been to see the other man, but I let it go, figuring it's just because she’s used to me being here. It’d been a tough match for her and she looked drained. 

“You good?” I ask her quietly. 

She nods. “Just fine. Sore, but I'll survive.” 

I nod. “So… who was that?” My eyes flicker over to the man with the tattoos on his forearms. 

“You’ll have to be more specific, babe.” 

“The man you got pretty excited to see.” I try not to let the jealousy seep into my tone. 

“Oh, that’s Nate. You know,the guy who’s music I'm using.” She tilts her head at me and raises her eyebrow slightly. 

“Got it. And you gave him a pass?” 

“Yeah? Why wouldn't I?” Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, tipping her head to the side like a confused puppy. The comparison makes me smile, it's almost enough to make me forget the little green monster lurking in my chest.

“Cause you don't give those to just anyone, Love.” 

She sighs. “He’s just a friend, Killian.” Ash starts to walk away, realizing it'd look funny if she lingered in one spot with a fan for too long. 

_ Just a friend, huh? Last I'd heard Nate mentioned it was just business.  _

As she walks away, I gently grab her wrist and pull her back. Her eyes widen and her whole body tenses up before I kiss her sweetly. 

She melts ever so slightly before I pull away and wink. 

“Asshole. You're gonna start a scandal.” 

I chuckle. “So be it.” I smirk. 

She gives me a glare over her shoulder. I can't tell if it's playful or not as she turns her attention back to the fans. 

I hope it's playful…

°°°°°

She smiles softly as she adjusts her hoodie. It’s big on her and long enough to cover her thighs. That was one of the first things she did after a match: she’d put on one of her hoodies and then take her converse off before trading them out for a well-worn and faded black pair. It’s always a Black and Brave hoodie too. I asked her about it one time and she said it made her feel grounded and was a nice way to be supportive of a friend of hers. As she goes through her routine, I size up the man- Nate- leaning against the other wall. 

I could probably take him in a fight, regardless of if I was super-abled or not, since I've got a few inches on him. He’s got that pretty boy look about him and his dark eyes make him look almost innocent. 

“So, Killian, this is Nate. Nate, this is Killian.” Ash looks up from tying her sneakers, probably sensing the one sided tension. 

Nate smiles and shakes my hand. “You're the Killian Ash talks about? It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Aye.” I shake his hand, making sure to grasp his hand tightly.  _ She talks about me?  _ “I hope it’s only good things.” I can feel slight callouses on the man’s hands. “Guitar?” 

He nods as we let go of the other’s hand. “Yeah. You play?” 

“I mean, I used to.” I shrug casually. It's not a lie, just something I hadn't told Ash, or anyone really, yet. My heart swells when Ash looks at me in surprise and awe. 

She’s a simple girl and it doesn't take much to impress her. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to her. She’s nowhere near as high maintenance as Milah could get, or other girls I'd been with. 

“Nice.” He grins crookedly. 

“So, Nate, whatcha doin’ out here in New York?” Ash asks as she opens a water bottle. 

“Oh, I was in town for a con and figured I'd stop by. Besides, I think the fans would've killed me if I didn't stop by to at least watch the woman who’s using my music.” 

She laughs and shrugs. “Maybe. Did you enjoy yourself?” 

“It was different and fun. You fucking killed it out there.” 

I watch as my girlfriend’s cheeks heat up. 

_ Oh, no… That’s  _ my  _ job, buddy.  _

“Yeah, you should see her every other night. She’s a badass.” I add. 

She looks at me and shakes her head, her cheeks keeping that red tint. “You’re both wrong. The only thing I killed was my body.” 

“Well, yeah.” I snort in amusement. “You probably shouldn't have practiced that finale as much as you did.” 

She pouts. “Hey, it's a pretty dangerous move…” 

I kiss her head and hum playfully. 

Nate watches the two of us. “So, do you wrestle, too?” 

“Nope. Just  _ the _ supportive boyfriend.” 

She rolls her eyes. “He’s the loudest one out there, right after my other friend.” 

Nate laughs. “Hey, you deserve it. And as long as he treats you well, he’s good in my book.” 

Ash smiles and nods. “He’s a bit of a pain in my ass, but ya know…” 

“Those are the best kinds of relationships.” 

“They are…” She smiles sweetly at me. 

The two of them continue the small talk, with Ash or Nate trying to pull me in to the conversations. 

I try to contribute but I don't know how I feel about the natural flow between the two of them. Sure, Ash and I mesh well together, but I don't think we’re on the level that she and Nate are on. 

When she hugs him before he has to leave after having to turn down his invite to come hang with him at the con, and plays it off with a lie about being busy training and other work stuff, the pang of jealousy drives its way back into my chest. 

I politely wave as he heads on out. 

The door closes and I watch as Ash sighs softly. 

“What’s wrong, Love?” I ask.

She shakes her head and starts to pack her bag. “I don't like lying to people anymore.” She shoulders the gym bag. “Like, it sucks that I can't be upfront with people about why I can't do things with them. You can't just be like ‘Sorry, can't hang with you today cause I'm trying to overthrow this company that’s hella sketchy…’ and I'm just over it.” 

I nod, not getting where she was coming from. 

“I feel like a fucking freak.” She mumbles before heading out of her dressing room. 

°°°°°

She keeps her eyes on the road, taking a path I wasn't familiar with. 

“You wanna talk about tonight?” Ash asks. 

“What about it?” I frown and look at her. 

“You do know you don’t have to have a pissing match with every guy I’m close to, right?” 

I stay quiet and furrow my brows. I thought I'd hidden my jealousy well enough, but apparently I hadn't or Ash could read me like a damn book. 

“Nate’s just a friend. I trust him and that's it. He’s a good person, but he’s not a threat to you or our relationship, Killian.” She glances over her shoulder as she changes lanes. 

“Sure he’s not.” I mutter. 

“He’s not. We’re just friends.” 

“Yeah, and once upon a time, you two were  _ just _ business partners.” 

She shakes her head. “Like you were never friends with co-workers.” She scoffs. 

“I was but that's different.” 

“Oh? Explain?” 

“I was never happier to see them than I was to see my significant other who was maybe 5 feet away.” I spit. 

“I wasn't expecting him to be there. Most of that joy you saw was shock induced.” 

I can't help but roll my eyes. 

“You don't have a problem with me having guy friends, so, I don't see why Nate would be any different.” 

“Just forget about it.” I grumble as we pull into the driveway. I get out as soon as she kills the engine and close the door, perhaps a little too harshly given that Ash jumps.

I almost feel bad as I storm through the house. My hand trembles and I jam it in my pocket, hating that the best remedy for it was the person I was kinda annoyed with. Silently, I kick off my shoes once I get to our shared room and sit on the edge of the bed. I've got about 5 minutes or so from the time I hear Ash call out the greetings and stop to chat for a bit to the time that she’ll be heading in here to take a shower. Should be enough time to calm down enough to maybe ask her for help… 

I know most of my… jealousy is probably still linked back to Milah. Our relationship wasn't… what most people would call the sturdiest but we loved each other at the end of the day. Or at least  _ I _ loved her… I loved her completely. She was my everything and I'd do anything for her, even if she was so bloody flirtatious. Part of me thought it was just to get a rise out of me, and because she enjoyed the resulting sex from my jealousy. 

But another darker, deeper part of me, one that I tried to bury for so long, thought that maybe  _ I _ wasn't enough for her. That she'd done it on purpose, to mess with my head. I was wrapped around her fingers after all, and I overlooked all of the red flags… all because she’d play so coy and innocent. She’d smile that fucking smile that made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered in the bloody world. 

In my mind's eye I see Ash doing things so similarly to how Milah had done them, it makes my heart twist and burn in my chest. Like someone had stabbed me with a razor hot knife.

My hand starts to shake harder. I'm pulled out of my thoughts as Ash opens the door, dropping her bag in the corner like she does. 

“Your hand okay?” She asks quietly, knowing that if I was stressed it would get bad. 

I shake my head and she gently sits next to me, wrapping her arms around me. I rest my chin on her shoulder as she rubs my back with one hand and twines her fingers with my bad hand. 

“I'm here… I've got you.” She whispers. Her body is warm, almost a little too warm. It's probably from the jacket she had on earlier. Just a little bit of her stomach is exposed since she'd tied off her shirt for her ring gear tonight. She hums quietly in an attempt to soothe me. 

My grip tightens around her hand and I turn my head, catching her lips in a rough kiss. 

She pulls away and raises an eyebrow when I go in for another one, “Killian, please… some other time. I'm too sore…” she whispers. She pulls her hand from mine. 

“Right.” I try not to let my disappointment color my tone. 

She quietly grabs a towel and change of clothes. 

“What are you doing, Love?” I ask. 

“I'm gonna go shower… I kinda smell?” She laughs slightly. 

“Want company?” I tilt my head. 

“No, thanks.” She slips into the bathroom. Once the door closes behind her, I hear her phone buzz and my heart clenches. Sure enough, there's a text from  _ him _ . 

_ Made it back to the hotel safely. Had a great time. Have a nice night, Ash :)  _ is all it says. 

Sure, it seems benign enough, and I'm sure she asked him to text her once she got back because she’s definitely that kind of friend or person, really. But I can't help but feel my stomach twisting into knots. 

°°°°°°°

Ash’s hand is twined with mine. This was a lower stakes mission. Just us pretending to be a normal couple, or as normal as we could be with people coming up to Ash asking for a selfie every now and then. 

With each one, she gives me a sheepish and apologetic smile. I just chuckle and smile. 

“Someone’s famous.” I tease. 

She laughs and shakes her head. “Not really.” 

I kiss her temple and look around. “Heard anything?” 

She shakes her head. “Nope, M.M., Billy, and Gwen are just waiting for Hughie.” 

“Aye, Love.” I hum and scan for the rest of the team. 

Billy's talking to some older man and Gwen and M.M. look like they'd rather be anywhere else before they exchange a look before trying to drag Billy away. 

As they get closer I hear Billy grumbling something about being right. 

“Yes, Will, I know God’s a cunt. And I agree with you.” Gwen bites back a laugh, “But you can't just walk up to a fucking Christian booth and tell someone that…” she shakes her head and gives Ash an exasperated look that reads, “Men, am I right?” 

“Did you two find anything?” M.M. asks, clearly ready to change the subject. 

Ash shakes her head. “Not much. Hughie back yet?” She fiddles with the charm on her necklace. 

As soon as it was mentioned that Homelander would be with Ezekiel, she got nervous. And when she found out Hughie would be going in there, the nerves got worse. She and Gwen were incredibly protective of Hughie, not in a smothering or overbearing way, but in an older sibling way. 

That's when a blonde woman with a red leather jacket starts towards us. 

“Lexi?” She grins. 

Ash smiles and waves. “Hey, Em…” she tilts her head slightly and the blonde nods. 

“Emma’s fine.” She laughs and looks at me, her green eyes flickering over my form. “Who's this?”

“Emma, this is Killian… Killian, Emma. She's the one who…” Ash trails off. 

Emma reaches her hand out for mine and I shake it. “You’re Captain Jones’ kid, aren't you?” 

I force a smile and nod.  _ Well, I guess that’s out of the bag now. _ “Aye… did you know him?” 

“I knew of him. I'm part of Vought, but not in the big leagues. They call me the Savior.” 

I refuse to look over at Ash, scared to see how she’s processing the bombshell. I'm spared from having to see her reaction because the next speaker is announced, and my girlfriend’s focus is diverted there. 

Emma stands next to me, watching as Starlight takes the stage. 

Pity swells for the girl as she starts her speech. She was reading her lines, but you could tell she was holding something back. 

The woman on the stage discloses what happened to her during her first night on the Seven: she was sexually assaulted by the Deep. 

Ash’s breath hitches in her throat and I watch as the tears start to roll down her cheeks. I want to tuck her into my side but I think she’d punch me if I did it. All I can do is just give her hand a reassuring squeeze. 

Starlight finishes the rest of what she has to say, leaving the crowd in stunned silence except for two people: Ashley and Hughie. Both are applauding the Supe leaving the stage. Rumors had been circulating within the team that Hughie had a thing for Starlight and vice versa but this confirmed it for me, at least. 

Ash wipes at her tears and I wrap an arm around her shoulders. She flinches and wiggles out from under my arm. Hurt shoes in her eyes. My heart clenches. 

“So were you planning on telling me you’re a second generation?” She tries to keep her voice level, but it quakes a little at the end. 


	12. Ch 12

I stretch slightly in the chair I was sitting in. My laptop was set up on the table and my notepad was by it. I wanted to add some moves for wrestling and kinda clean up some other things I do for my entrance. 

I hum softly and scribble down some notes as the match goes on. 

“We should do something like that.” Killian walks up and kisses my head as a proposal takes place.

I nearly choke on my water as I bust out laughing. It's been three days since Emma had innocently and accidentally dropped the bombshell about who Killian is. Tears stream down my face as I laugh harder, somehow managing to pause the video as a I do. This was the most Killian gotten from me since we’d gotten home from the expo. I'd been honestly avoiding him, going as far as to sleep in my old room and making myself scarcely available for anything outside of work and missions. 

Without a word, I shake my head and attempt to calm myself down. 

“What?” Killian frowns. “It'd be romantic, Love.” 

I shake my head again, wiping at the tears that had fallen. 

“Why aren't you talking to me?” He nearly growls. 

I turn my focus to him, my eyes hardening as I do. “Because I don't want to, Jones. There? Happy?” 

“You’re overreacting.” His tone is flat. 

“Ah, yes, I forgot I'm not allowed to be pissed that someone would keep something that  _ fucking _ important from me. My bad, take a few steps back and I'll grovel at your feet.” I sneer. 

“That's not what I meant, Ash and you know it. And maybe if you hadn't said some bloody negative shit about second generations, then maybe I would've been more willing to tell you.” 

I roll my eyes. “You know, I'm really not in the mood for this. You've been distant for a while. I'm sure you’re just a fucking saint and have never said anything wrong or made incorrect correlations. And I'm sorry that you were hurt by me making incorrect assumptions, but you also could've talked to me about it.” With that I turn my focus back to the video I was watching. 

He storms off, mumbling something under his breath as he does. 

Annoyed, I shake my head and pause my video again and text Gwen, desperate for someone to be able to vent to. 

_ Killian wants to stage a proposal in the ring…  _

Gwen's reply is quicker than I expected.  _ Isn’t that moving a little too fast there, sweetie?  _

_ You're telling me. I don't even want it.  _

_ LOL. I figured as much. What made him come up with such an idea?  _

_ I mean, I was watching some matches and shit and there was a proposal…  _

I wait a second before sending a second message:  _ But why do I get the feeling it’s less of a I want to spend the rest of my life with you and more of a this is my territory back the fuck off type of thing?  _

It was another minute before I got a response back, her text bubble popping up and disappearing every few seconds.  _ I'm getting the same feeling, Doll… and I don't like it one bit. He shouldn't marry you just to mark his fucking territory. He should want to marry you because you're the love of his life and he can't imagine life without you… I swear to God if he tries to pull that shit imma shut his ass down so hard before he can get in the ring. _

_ Between you, me, and Jason, I'm sure we’ll prevent it from happening. Best part about it is the couple that had the proposal didn’t even last! So no in-ring proposals for me! LOL  _

She was out with the rest of the boys trying to find some woman Frenchie was hell-bent on saving. It was kinda sweet aside from the fact that the woman could kick their asses with one arm tied behind her back. 

_ I mean, I know Nate wouldn’t let it fly either ;)  _ Gwen texts me. 

I squeak and quickly reply with red cheeks,  _ Because that's what friends do. They support and help you when you're in a pickle.  _

_ Mmhmm… sure, Doll ;)  _

_ There's nothing more between us. He’s just a nice guy. That's all.  _

And as if that was some cue, the front door slams open as Billy and the others come in. The sound of the boys bickering fills the air and somehow it feels like home again. 

One exasperated look from Gwen tells me all I need to know: the mission didn't go well. 

°°°°°°

A couple of days had passed since Killian and I had our little fight. My eyelids are heavy and my stomach is in knots. Killian, however, had looked happy and at ease, which is a shift from the night prior. He said something about needing to get out of the house, but didn't say where he was going. 

It’d been a rough night for him so I was there for him, like I always am. Like he is for me when I get bad. A yawn escapes my lips as I idly pick at the muffin in front of me. It was nearly one in the afternoon and this was going to be the first thing I'd eaten today. Quietly, my eyes float around the room, focusing on anything to keep me awake.

Normally, being there for my boyfriend wasn’t this taxing and draining. Part of me was starting to resent myself for letting myself get this bad. I force myself to focus long enough to check my phone’s calendar. Swearing quietly, guilt consumes me. Of course he was bad this week. It’s the week of Milah’s death anniversary. And Liam’s as well… My heart clenches as I try to push out the trauma and feelings I'd been dealing with, chiding myself and telling myself I'm being selfish. Killian needs me, so I have to stay strong. 

Hughie places a hand on my shoulder, making me jump. “Hey, you okay?” 

I nod and force a smile. “Yeah, just tired. Didn’t sleep too well last night.” It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. 

“Ash, don't lie.” His eyes soften. 

I look at him and shrug. “I'm not. I didn't sleep well last night, Hughie. That's all.” 

He sighs and shakes his head, knowing it's not going to get anywhere. 

Before he can say anything else I pop a piece of my muffin in my mouth. 

“Just… take care of yourself please? If you're anything like me you're going to spread yourself too thin just to make others happy. People come and go, and you’re stuck with the burnout and the damage because you gave them everything and left nothing for yourself.” He squeezes my shoulder. 

I shrug slightly, resulting in an exasperated sigh from the man next to me before he stands. 

“You and Gwen working tonight?” He eyes the muffin I'm picking at. 

“Nope. Jason gave us the day off.” I mumble. 

Hughie hums softly and looks up at someone. 

“Hey, Doll, you doing okay?” Gwen asks as she approaches me on the other side. 

I look at her after shooting Hughie a look of annoyance that he’d managed to rat me out without me knowing. “Yeah, just tired. Didn’t sleep too well last night, that’s all.” 

Gwen tuts and looks me over, I'm not exactly dressed to impress, seeing as I'm wearing an oversized shirt and some sweats, and I think my dark circles are back, but I'm too tired to try and cover them. She softens and taps my wrist with two fingers before pulling me into a warm hug. "I know what this week means, and I know you want to be there for him. But try to get some rest okay?" She brushes her fingers through my hair and presses a kiss to my temple. As the oldest woman on the team she's taken to being the team mother when we push ourselves, and no one ever had the heart to ask her to stop. 

I lean my head on her shoulder and close my eyes for a minute, not noticing when Gwen shushes Hughie with a small smile. “No promises,” I mutter. Sure, I was exhausted from staying up with Killian and comforting him after the nightmares but I was drained mentally. I just didn't have the heart to tell anyone that. I didn't have it in me to tell the team I was getting bad again, cause I don’t know  _ why  _ I was getting bad again and I don’t want to be a burden. They've got enough on their plates as it is. 

Gwen must have read my mind, I don't know how she does it, maybe she just knows us a little too well, who knows… but she presses another kiss to my temple and taps my other wrist, one, two, three. She never told me why she does it, but it's oddly nice. And she never let up when I do it back, just three taps to her wrist. A simple reassurance.  _ You're okay, I'm here _ . 

But that peace is fleeting when I hear stumbling steps and after the slam of a door. A loud crash is followed by swearing. My heart clenches as I rush towards it. Sure enough, Killian’s crumpled against the wall and had managed to clear off the table by it. He flashes a crooked smile that would’ve been charming if the smell of booze hadn't been as strong as it was. 

Gwen appears behind me a second later, apparently she felt that same way I did. She covers her nose and gags; it smelt like he managed to spill a bottle of musty rum on himself. 

I try to help him to his feet and he waves me off. 

“‘m fine…” he slurs. He slowly makes it to his feet, but he’s wobbly. Sighing, I duck under his arm and support him despite his protests, holding my breath as I do. 

“Dude, what the hell?” Hughie comes around the corner. “It's barely even 1 in the afternoon and you’re already wasted?” 

I shoot Hughie a warning look. “Hughie, please…”

“So? You’re not my mom…” Killian pouts, and once again, it would've been cute if he wasn't in his current state. 

"Come on Killian, let's get you cleaned up and into bed, okay?" I murmur, wanting to avoid conflict. 

“No,” Gwen looks at me. “Hughie’s right. Something’s clearly up. You’re clearly in a bad way, and where was he? Getting wasted.” 

I shake my head. “He’s coping. You know it's a rough week for him.” I frown. 

"So getting drunk off his ass is the solution? Ash, it isn't healthy." She's still holding her nose and has gone pink with frustration. 

I purse my lips. “It's not healthy, but at least he’s not doing anything too self-destructive. It could be worse.” 

Killian raises a hand and coughs. “Don't tell me she relapsed or something.” 

My face pales as the words leave his mouth. It takes everything in me not to drop him right then and there. It feels like the world has been ripped out from under my feet. 

“Or was she considering it?” He looks over at Gwen, waiting for her answer

She's standing in the middle of the entryway, her face fading from pink to a shocked white before slowly turning red. Hughie's gone a dark red with eyes like thunder, a look from Gwen has him running off. 

If she had red hair it would look like her head was steaming. 

“Guys, he’s drunk, he doesn't mean it.” I murmur, trying to smooth things over. But even I can't hide the hurt in my eyes and in my tone. 

"Ash, please don't argue with me on this. And I'm sorry in advance." 

She shoots Killian down with a glare but I don't know if he's noticed or cares. I could hear Billy before I could see him, he thunders down the stairs with Hughie on his heels. 

“Your girlfriend is going through fucking hell, busting her ass to make sure you’re good and you can't even be bothered to do anything other than mock her? What kind of selfish cunt are you?” Billy snarls.

Hughie comes over and gently grabs my hand, tugging me from the hall. He looks at me pleadingly and I don't have the energy or motivation to fight him right now. Any energy I had completely drained away the moment Killian opened his mouth. 

“She’s probably just pouty cause her lover hasn't texted her today.” Killian rolls his eyes as he leans against the wall, the support I’d been offering completely gone. 

“You’re her only lover, dipshit!” Gwen practically screams at the drunken man. 

Hughie coaxes me away from them and everything kinda blurs together. With Killian's words playing on repeat in my head, the headache that's been forming pulses against my temples and forehead. Spots speckle my vision, and I barely notice Hughie picking me up and laying me down on the bed in my old bedroom. 

Minutes pass, the yelling becomes white noise, and a cold cloth is pressed to my forehead.

I'm too tired to fight it so I just smile weakly up at whoever placed it on my skin and hum in thanks. My eyes start to slip shut as everything starts to take its toll right as I hear Killian shouting again. 

“I wouldn't be surprised if she’s fucking him behind my back! Look at how she looks at him and what kind of business partner shows up at an event unannounced, huh? You can't bloody tell me there's not something up there.” A loud slam underlines his words. 

There's a loud shriek followed by vulgar curses I can barely make out and a loud  ** _THUNK_ ** and the sound of something shattering

I wince and whoever’s got the cloth resting on my skin gently shushes me in a soothing fashion. “Hey, hey, it's okay.” 

_ Hughie… it’s Hughie who’s here.  _

Tears burn my eyes. “I'm not… I'm not sleeping around…” I whimper miserably. 

“I know, Ash. He’s just drunk and doesn't mean it.” Hughie whispers, a dry smile crossing his lips as he echoes my excuse from earlier. 

I close my eyes as the tears fall. “I'm sorry…” 

The yelling stops after that and the slamming of a door echoes through the house. 

"It's not your fault, he should know better. You'd never do something like that," he wipes the cloth over my forehead gently and wipes away my tears. 

“You better treat her well…” I mumble and crack an eye open to look at him. 

He looks at me in confusion. 

“Your secret’s safe with me… I saw you sneak out last night with flowers.” I smile slightly. 

He turns pink and covers my eyes with the cloth, getting a little laugh from me. The bed shifts and he moves my head to rest on what feels like his lap, but I can't entirely tell. He shifts the cloth back to my forehead and runs his fingers through my hair. 

“She’ll kick my ass if I break her heart, you know, so I think I'm more scared of her than you.” He teases. 

I hum softly, thankful for the distraction, relaxing as he plays with my hair. Part of me wants to make a joke about him having to be careful so someone doesn't get the wrong idea, but it’s still stinging. “I know she will. And I'll kick her ass if she hurts you. I don't know how, but somehow I will.” 

He laughs, softly enough that it doesn't hurt and it makes me smile. "I'm sure Gwen'll be right there with you, Momma Bear that she is."

I laugh slightly, trying to ignore the pain it causes. “Yeah, there’ll just be a line of us, ready to fight whoever hurt you.” I shift a little to get a little more comfortable. As I do, my phone falls out of my pocket and my screen lights up. A little alert from a text message pulls up but I don't want to check it. 

Hughie picks it up and sets it on the table, glancing at it before letting it go dark. His fingers brushing through the messy tangles in my hair lightly, it feels really nice. 

Part of me wants to ask who it was, but part of me knew the answer. I just close my eyes and try to relax. 

There's a light knock at the door and Hughie looks down at me, raising an eyebrow. 

I shrug. 

“Come in.” He calls. 

Gwen opens the door and leans against the doorframe, I can't make her out that well but I think she's still flushed. She clears her throat and sighs,"Killian left, Billy's got a tracker on his phone. He's gonna let him cool down before he picks him up… are you alright, Sweetheart?" 

My whole body tenses. “Please tell me he didn't take a car…” I squint up at Gwen, my eyes trying to adjust to the light seeping through from the hallway. “I… I'll be fine…” I force a smile. 

She steps inside and closes the door most of the way, "No, I took his keys before he could leave." 

I nod and relax slightly at her words. “Good… that’s the last thing we need…” I try to sit up but my head protests as I get halfway to a sitting position. My phone buzzes again on the table. I reach for it and a tiny smile flickers across my lips as I read it. Sure enough, the text was from Nate: 

_ Sorry I haven't texted you lately. Been busy with work. Hope this makes up for it :)  _ and attached to the message is a picture of an adorable brown dog. 

°°°°°°°

“What are you trying to hide from me?” I frown as Gwen keeps blocking my line of sight. 

“Nothing. Just keeping you focused.” Gwen replies. 

We’d been assigned to a tag team match tonight. It should be a quick little match but would serve as a nice little treat for the fans. 

The match gets under way. Things are going seamlessly. Genie and I keep one half of the opposing team in or near our corner. Frequent tags in and out happen between the two of us. 

A sharp whistle pulls my focus away from Genie’s carnage inducing methodical stomps to the girl’s gut. That's when I see it. In bold blocky letters is the message “Lexi Barnes is my girlfriend.” As soon as I see it, and see who’s holding it, Billy yanks Killian’s arms down and the sign out of his hands as well. 

Genie tags me in by tapping my arm. 

“You good?” She mouths. 

I nod and go to work on my opponent. I let her crawl towards her teammate, it's a little bit of a ploy to give the other team a bit of offense without making them look too weak or anything. It also gives me time to process what's happening. 

The match rolls on without a hitch. Things go smoothly, no one gets hurt or falls wrong during a move and Genie picks up the win with a submission maneuver. If I seem off, no one seems any the wiser about it. 

Gwen squeezes my hand three times before we exit the ring and we make our rounds with the fans before heading backstage. 

I slip into the small restroom I change in, knowing Billy and Killian would be let in without a second glance. I change out of the shirt I'd been wearing to the ring and pull on a white shirt that says “I’m a mess” on it before putting on my usual Black and Brave hoodie. I'd worn jeans to the ring and I didn't want to change out of them. As I exit the restroom, Killian looks up from the chair he’d been sitting on. 

I fold my arms across my chest. 

“You saw my sign?” He smiles crookedly. 

I nod. “And you do realize you could get me in deep shit right?” I snap. Part of me feels bad but I can't help it. 

“What? What do you mean, Love?” He raises an eyebrow. 

I run a hand through my hair. “Lexi Barnes ain't dating anyone. Ashley is. Lexi and Ash are two very different people, Killian.” I look at him, “You’re dating Ashley not Lexi.” 

He shrugs. “Does it really matter?”

I clench my jaw, tired of this. Things had just gotten worse since he came back totally wasted that afternoon. Everything turned into a fight. I couldn't even be in the same room as him at night, so I'd moved back to my old bedroom. I needed to get the hell out of  _ here _ . Luckily, Jason happened to get back in touch with a friend of his on the West Coast. His friend was looking for some wrestlers and happened to want to see if I'd be interested in doing a few shows with him. 

I couldn't pass on such an opportunity. The shows are next week, but I was planning on leaving tomorrow. 

“I… I'm not some toy, Killian. I'm not something you just use and play with when you’re bored. If you actually fucking want me to be yours, act like it. And I don't mean get into pissing matches with guys who I'm close with. I mean actually fucking earn me.” I snarl and shoulder my bag, walking out of the room without so much of a second glance. 


	13. Chapter 13

“I think Jason doesn’t want me to leave…” I tease as he guides me to the table for the signing that had cropped up a few days ago. 

He laughs as he places an arm out to stop some of the fans rushing forward, and I wave sweetly. “No, Jason was fine with you leaving, Vought just wants to…” 

I sigh and shake my head. “Companies gotta company, right?” 

He smiles thinly. “Something like that. And the thing we agreed on…” he trails off as he raises an eyebrow. 

“I passed on the message. Killian’s pissed but seemed to be willing to respect it.” I cross my index and middle fingers and show Jason that I was hoping for the best. 

He nods and squeezes my shoulder. “And did you talk to Nate about the music stuff for LA? Cause I know he approved it for when you were out here…” 

I smile and nod. “Yeah, I asked him, and he said he’s cool with it and might try to come to some of the shows if he can.” 

He hums in amusement. “Alright, have fun, kiddo.” He ruffles my hair playfully before pulling the chair out for me. 

I laugh and fix my hair before I nod to the security guard who’s letting the fans in. 

The meet and greet goes smoothly. I chat with the fan for a bit, sign what they’d like signed, and lean over the table to take a picture with them. Fans blur together until I get to one fan’s drawing. The fan had drawn Nate as Phantom almost looming over myself in the background while I was wearing gear inspired by the character from the video. 

“Holy crap, this is amazing…” I look up at the fan with wide eyes. 

The girl grins. “Thanks! I've been on a bit of a Dungeons and Dragons kick, and some classes have patron gods… so I thought I'd do something like that but with you and Phantom. Like he took a liking to you or something. Cause I think you two would make one hell of a team.” 

“So, Phantom’s my Lathander?” I joke as I try to find a place to sign the artwork without covering it. 

Her eyes light up as she laughs at the joke. “Yeah!” 

I grin and sign the bottom corner of the print. “Sick! I'm just glad I didn’t have to sell my soul for his patronage. Would you mind if I take a picture of this?” 

“Go for it, but I can do you one better.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a rolled paper. She unfurls it to display the same print and she offers it to me with a crooked grin. 

I look up from my phone as I snap the picture with a shy smile. I gingerly accept the print, handing it to the guard next to me. He checks it out and grins before setting it to the side. “Thank you so much.” 

The fan nods. “You’re welcome! I'm just happy one of my favorite wrestlers is using one of my favorite artist’s songs.” 

  
  


“Has Nate seen this yet?” I grin and lean across the table as the fan takes her phone out. 

She snaps the selfie and thanks me again before she shakes her head. “I'll be going to the LA show soon though, so I'm gonna see if I can have him sign it then.” 

“Nice! I hope you have fun at the show.” I grin and wave at her as she walks away. 

The rest of the signing goes smoothly until we're at the final fans in the line. Sure enough, Killian stumbles up to the table. 

I keep the professional smile I'd been trained to keep as I speak, “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here, Killian.” 

He shrugs and leans in close. The smell of rum fills my nose and I lean back in my chair, making sure not to tip it back. “I was nearby so I figured I'd stop by.” 

“Uh uh. You’re temporarily banned from events, because of your sign, dude.” I whisper. 

“Right, and I've always been one to follow the rules. You know, Ashley, I've been thinking… You’re the reason I've started drinking as much as I do again.” He jabs a finger in my direction. “It's your fault.” 

I take a deep breath and try not to let the hurt show in my eyes. 

He starts to wobble. “You’re not mad… must mean you agree.” 

I look to the security guard next to me and discreetly tilt my head towards the drunken man across from me. “Oh, I'm mad. I'm just waiting to handle this in a more private setting.” 

He nods in understanding. “Alright buddy, time’s up. Let’s go.” He walks around the table and grabs Killian's arm. 

“Oh, you were serious about the banned thing. Huh… that’s fucking stupid that I can't support my fucking girlfriend at work!” He slurs as he tries to fight off the guard. 

My cheeks heat up in shame and I look at the fans with an apologetic smile. 

°°°°°°

“I'm fine, I promise. I've got a hotel.” I laugh as I shoulder my bag, shifting my phone as I do. “Hold on, I'm switching to headphones.” I plug in my headphones and hum softly as I move to wait for my other bag. 

“Ash, come on, it’s really no way to enjoy LA.” Nate protests. 

“Hey, I'm here for work, remember? I'm not here to enjoy LA.” I laugh again. 

“Right, but still.” 

“Nate, I appreciate the offer, and I promise we will get together while I'm out here but I'm fine staying at the hotel. I don't want to inconvenience you and I sure as hell don’t want to start up a scandal about the YouTube musician and the indie wrestler.” Tucking my phone into my pocket, I move forward to claim my last bag. 

He sighs. “It wouldn't be an inconvenience, but yeah, I get the scandal part. Are you still at the airport?” 

“Yeah, just got my last bag. Why?” 

“Okay, wanna meet up for lunch after you get all settled?” 

I can't fight the grin and blush that comes from the man’s proposition. “Sure. I'll text you once I get to the hotel, okay?” 

“For sure. And Ash?”

“Yeah?” 

“I'm glad you're out here.” 


	14. Chapter 14

“I promise I'm not going anywhere, you don't have to give me that look.” I laugh before popping a fry in my mouth. 

Nate flushes slightly. “Sorry. It's just kinda surreal you’re here.” 

I tilt my head, getting where he was coming from. I'd felt the same way when he had shown up at the show. It wasn't that long ago but it still felt like years had passed. “Mmm…” 

“So does Killian know you’re out here?” 

I shake my head. “The people who need to know, know.” 

He raises an eyebrow at me. “And he’s not one of the need to know ones?” 

I twirl my straw in my shake. “At the moment, no. Jason, my promoter, Gwen, and Billy know. That's everyone who needs to know.” 

“I'm not on the need to know list?” He pouts playfully. 

I laugh. “Nah, you’re on the not letting you know until I'm boarding the plane list. I was gonna surprise you, but then you text me as I was boarding and yeah.” 

He chuckles. “I see. Well, if you need a tour guide, I'm your man.” 

My cheeks flush at his offer. “Thanks for the offer, but I'm sure I can find my way around. I did live in SoCal until I was 23 after all. And besides, I'm not going to distract you from working.” 

Nate smiles crookedly. “It wouldn't be a distraction.” 

I laugh and shake my head playfully. “I'm sure your fans wouldn't be too happy with me.” 

He shrugs before he takes a bite of his burger. 

I quietly look around the dinner. It was a classic little 50s themed joint. The kind of thing I'm a sucker for; the kind of thing that makes Killian roll his eyes. A pang stabs my heart. I guess my thoughts are showing in my eyes or on my face cause Nate places his hand over mine. 

“You okay?” He asks gently. 

“Yeah, I'm good. Just thinking.” My eyes flicker over to our hands and Nate quickly retracts his. 

“If you wanna talk about it, I'm here.” He smiles softly. 

“Thanks, Nate.” 

°°°°°

The roar of the crowd isn’t as loud as I thought it would be. In fact it’s  _ louder _ . Apparently word had gotten around that Lexi Barnes was wrestling in LA, and people were hyped for it. I push through the curtain and go through my entrance. As I walk down the aisle, I slap hands and for the first time in a long time, I feel at home. I feel like I don't have to look over my shoulder and worry about Vought taking over my life. I flip over the ropes and land at the guitar note before the chorus. With a grin, I climb to the top turnbuckle and wave. 

Nate chuckles and waves back when I make eye contact with him. I stick my tongue out at him before I hop down. 

I stretch out slightly as I wait for my opponent to come on out. My mind goes blank and my body kicks into autopilot. 

The match runs a little longer than I thought it would, but I don't mind. The girl I'm working with knows what she’s doing and I trust her despite meeting her for the first time a few days ago. I manage to pick up the pin and after the match the two of us shake hands. She exits the ring before I do and I watch as she heads up the aisle. 

Mikey, the promoter for the company, had wanted Lexi to stand tall after the match, but I had another idea. It would set up nicely for if I wanted to come back or if Mikey wanted me to come back. I silently count and brace myself slightly for the impact of falling on my face as the crowd starts to scream and boo. The girl whacks me with her arm to the back of my head. 

Amber is the company’s top heel, so we wanted to play with the idea of her being incredibly territorial of her ring. She rolls me over and checks to make sure I'm still good to continue. Once she gets the subtle nod, she unloads on me. I put my hands up to shield my face, but it's too late. 

I know something’s up when she winces slightly as she looks at my face. My lip feels heavy and numb at the same time. Blood slowly trickles from the cut before she scoops me up in a fireman’s carry before she flings me forward, slamming me down on my back. 

“This is my ring, bitch!” She sneers before taunting the crowd. I lay there, waiting for the referee to come and check up on me before I start to stir slightly. 

Amber’s music hits as I slowly start to sit up with a busted lip. I glare at the woman, as the ref gently cups my chin to get a better look at the cut. 

“That wasn't planned was it?” He jokes. 

“Nah, but it's all good.” I shrug and slowly try to make it to my face, really playing it up for the fans. They clap and cheer as I make it to my feet and wave weakly. I make my way up the aisle slowly. 

Once I'm backstage Anna, who wrestles under the name Amber, rushes forward. 

“I'm so sorry. Are you okay?” She asks, her eyes wide. 

I crack a tiny smile before wincing. “Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for being down to do that segment.” 

Anna smiles sweetly. “Of course! Amber was getting low on heat, so I'm glad you were willing to take the brunt of it to get it back up.” 

I nod and squeeze the girl’s shoulder in thanks before heading to the locker room to grab my things. After declining at least a bandaid for my lip, I slip into the room. Quietly and quickly, I change into a t-shirt and some jeans before I fix my hair slightly. A knock at the door pulls me away from my adjustments. 

I open it to find Mikey standing there. “Hey, what’s up?” I lean on the door. 

Mikey raises an eyebrow at me. “We've got medical staff if you'd like to get that checked out…”

I smile and shrug. “It's not bad. Besides, I'm sure y'all have got more brutal things to worry about. But something tells me you didn't come out here to offer medical attention.” 

“Nah, I just wanted to say congrats on your first night out here. It seems like you're adjusting nicely out here. And uh, you've got someone waiting for you out back.” 

I raise an eyebrow. “I do?” I try to keep the defensiveness out of my tone. 

“Yeah, I think it's the guy who you came here with.” Mikey watches me curiously. “I can send security with you if you'd like.” 

I shake my head. “No, I'm good. Thank you though. And thanks again for the opportunity.” 

He smiles and shakes my hand. “Not a problem. Have a nice night and see you in a couple of days.” 

I salute playfully before closing the door and shouldering my bag. I make sure I've got all my stuff and grab a tissue when I feel my lip start to bleed again. Gently, I press it to my lip as I head out. I say my goodbyes and head to the back door. 

Sure enough, just as Mikey had said, Nate's standing there waiting for me. 

I cough quietly and he looks up from his phone. 

“Hey, you did good out there.” Nate smiles warmly.

“Thanks.” I pull the tissue away from my lip and Nate’s eyes widen. 

“Let me see.” He murmurs and steps a couple of inches away from me. His dark eyes scan my face, looking for any other signs of injury. “Looks pretty swollen and busted. They didn't offer you medical care?” Nate frowns. 

“They did, but I turned it down.” I shrug. 

The look of bewilderment from Nate would’ve been funny if there hadn't been an underlying hint of concern in it. 

“I… I can take care of myself at home. Besides they've got at least 3 concussion checks to do. Mine’s a like 30 second fix.” I explain. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't trust anyone outside of the medical staff I worked with back in New York. 

He raises an eyebrow but shrugs. “If you say so.” 

I laugh softly. “I appreciate the concern.” 

“Of course. Killian would kill me if you returned all banged up.” 

A bitter taste fills my mouth. “I wouldn't let him.” I reply flatly as we head to his car. 

“Excuse me, Lexi.” A voice calls and I turn towards it. 

A girl, maybe about 10 years old, is standing there with a sharpie in her hand and a print in the other. 

“Hey, sweetie, what's up?” I smile warmly at her. 

“I was wondering if you could sign this for me, please?” She offers me the print shyly. 

I nod and accept the sharpie as well. 

“Wanna use my back?” Nate jokes. 

I shake my head and put the print against the wall of the building. My hand freezes as I finally take in what’s depicted on the print. It's one of the promotional pictures Vought made some of us do. The print showed myself with Homelander, with me sitting on his shoulder, flexing my right arm. It was meant to look like a classic photo and show the power of both of us. I could suddenly feel his lower hand sliding up my leg. Something about remembering that day makes my gut twist and my head swim. My hand goes into autopilot as I sign it. 

I force a smile and hand the girl the print and her sharpie back. I catch the eye of her parent or guardian and wave at them as the girl heads back. Silently, I watch her, making sure she gets to them safely, while I compose myself. 

Nate’s voice sounds far away as he gently wraps his arm around my waist and drapes my arm across his shoulders.

I don't remember the car ride or much less even getting into the car. I don't remember walking into my hotel room, either. But here I am. Sitting here, numbly. At some point I'd changed into a shirt and sweats. If I had to take a guess, Nate probably helped me while also diverting his eyes like a gentleman. 

_ Nate…  _ the name enters my thoughts like an electric shock and it’s enough to pull me out of whatever the hell this is. Frantically, I look around for him. The hotel room door opens and I freeze, panic kicking in and overtaking me more than it already had. 

Nate moves slowly and smiles slightly. “Hey, you good? I went and got some ice… figured you could use an ice pack for your lip… and if you want a cold drink.” 

Tears well up in my eyes as I open my mouth to speak. “Thanks…” I manage to whimper. 

His dark eyes soften as he kneels in front of me. He offers me a small bag wrapped in a paper towel. “You're welcome. Ash, I don't know what you’re going through or what set it off, but I'm here. I can stay for as long as you need me to. I'm here if you need someone to just listen to you.” He squeezes my knee gently and I flinch. 

I watch, ashamed, as realization fills his eyes. “Stay…” I whisper. “Please…”

“Of course, sweetie.” He whispers back. Nate stands up and looks at me. “You wanna get some sleep?” 

I shrug as I put the ice pack to my lip. “Gotta text Gwen.” I mumble. 

“You text her when we got in the room.” Nate gently says. 

I look at him and furrow my brows. I didn't remember it at all. Part of me wants to believe Nate, but part of me doubts him. I check my phone, and sure enough I'd already text her letting her know I'd made it back to the hotel safely. 

“I like your shirt.” Nate teases with a small smile.

I look down at it and blush. It’s a white shirt that reads “I’m a mess.” And it just so happened to be Nate’s merch. “Thanks. It's… yeah.” 

He laughs softly before he sits next to me. I lean my head on his shoulder quietly. We stay like that for a little bit; I'm not sure how much time actually passes but I do know that my makeshift ice pack has melted completely by the time I move. 

Nate watches me as I throw it out. “How’s it feeling?” 

“Numb. Kinda hurts… Does it look bad?” I head back over to him. 

“May I?” He looks at me. 

I nod and he cups my chin. 

“I mean, you've got a scab, but it doesn't look as swollen as it did before.” He murmurs. 

I hum in acknowledgement before I move to yawn. 

“Tired?” Nate asks. 

“Yeah…” I run a hand through my hair. “It's pretty late.”

“I can go so you can get some sleep.” He starts to stand.

I shake my head. “No, you can stay… if you want to. I mean, it's late and I'd feel bad if God forbid anything happened while you were driving back.” 

_ And I really can't be alone right now… _ I think but don't say it. 

If Nate can tell I'm asking him to stay for my own selfish reasons, he doesn't let me know. He just smiles and nods. “Okay.” 

I nod. “And… I'm scared of being alone with my thoughts.” I whisper, avoiding his eyes. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I'll stay the night. I’ll just need to figure out where I'm sleeping.” He looks over at the chair by the window. 

“You could share the bed with me.” I blurt out and my cheeks flush. “I… I mean, only if you're okay with that. I highly doubt you'd try anything. And that chair looks pretty uncomfortable…”

Nate’s cheeks turn a light pink at my offer. “Yeah, we can do that… I’ll just keep my distance.” 

I smile softly before I go to crawl in bed, flicking off the lamp next to my side of the bed. 

Nate turns off the rest of the lights in the hotel before stripping down to his boxers and the tank top he had on under his jacket. “Night, Ash.” 

“Night, Nate… thanks for staying with me…” I whisper in the darkness. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a double post because well, I haven't posted in a bit despite having some of the chapters ready to go. Anyways, enjoy the show!

Warmth is the first thing I notice when I wake up the next morning. I snuggle a little closer to the warmth, thinking it was just the way the blankets fell. When I hear a soft grunt my eyes snap open. 

Nate smiles sleepily. “Morning.” 

My cheeks heat up and I sit up. “I'm so sorry.” 

He shakes his head. “You're fine. I think it was pretty much a mutual shift closer…” he looks at me quietly. 

“I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't be too happy to find that you shared a bed with someone and ended up cuddling them in your sleep.” I mumble. 

“Maybe… but good thing I’m single.” He shrugs. 

I look at him over my shoulder. “Seriously? Any girl, or guy, I don't judge, would be lucky to have you.” 

Nate smiles softly. “Last relationship just didn't work out.” 

I nod and run a hand through my hair. 

“I won't tell if you don't.” He grins crookedly. 

I laugh and roll my eyes playfully. “Sure, but at least let me buy you breakfast.” 

“I mean, I won't say no to that.” He laughs and my heart skips a beat. 

°°°°°

My heart sinks as I look at the file. How the team had managed to get on the FBI’s most wanted list was beyond me. My stomach twists and turns as I slowly put two and two together. 

_ Vought…  _ I swear under my breath as I shakily scroll through my contacts, looking for Gwen’s number. 

The fact that I wasn't on there but Hughie was confirms it. Hughie would have a motive… so would Billy, M.M., and Frenchie. Especially if the team used to be CIA supported. To whereas I was a liability. The public doesn't know that one of Vought’s heroes had assaulted me. They know I'd sing like a bird, seeing as I had no problem with nudging the line with my in ring return. They know I would fight to bring them down and it would definitely look awful with Starlight’s story now out there. 

I look at the file again: Killian’s not on the list too. Relief should be surging through me, but it's not. Somehow that just makes everything  _ worse _ . I haven't talked to him since he accused me of being the one to push him to drown himself in his flask. And somehow I was fine with it, or at least I was fine with it until I woke up in Nate’s arms the other morning. Then it was just never ending guilt gnawing away at my heart. 

I'll be honest, there's moments where I almost call him, but then I remind myself if he really missed me, he'd reach out himself, instead of hearing from Gwen or the others that he misses me. But then again, I wasn't much better. I could just as easily pick up the phone and call him. But honestly, I just didn't  _ want _ to. 

My brows furrow as I look at the file again. Everyone had grainy security camera photos… except Gwen… Without tearing my eyes from the screen, I call her. 

She picks up on the second ring. “Hey, honey, is everything okay?” 

“No… I uh, I found some stuff. Are you at home?” I ask softly, not trusting the phones we were using. 

"Yeah, someone got over protective when I got hurt yesterday and practically locked me in my room." 

“Oh, okay, cool. Can I email you the fi- You what?” I hiss, stopping the cover I was setting up as concern washes over me. 

"Oh, it's nothing, I was practicing and someone got me in the ribs and I dislocated my shoulder when I overstepped a move."

I shake my head. “Jason took you off the roster then, right?” I couldn't tell if she was lying about how she’d gotten hurt or if she’d actually gotten hurt in the ring. Guilt swells up as I consider the latter. 

"Nah, I made him keep me on. My shoulder’s a little tender and my ribs are only bruised a bit. Plus I have a nurse looking after me and a dog on my lap. I'm fine, besides, Moon Moon hits like a girl." 

“You… Gwen, we talked about you fighting them. We agreed you weren't allowed to fight them alone.” I run a hand down my face. “Does your nurse wear a Hawaiian shirt? And show a ridiculous amount of cleavage?” 

She laughs and there is a quiet snorting noise from her end, "Yeah… uh… I didn't fight them alone. Two of the older guys wanted to knock the fresh meat around a little… And yes, my nurse does show an ungodly amount of cleavage." After that, it sounded like something glass fell and Gwen cackles.

“Oh…” I look at the files again. A distracted laugh falls from my lips as Gwen confirms the cleavage level. “You love it though, we all know it. Anyways, I'm gonna send you some new candidates… I kinda wanna get your opinion on them. Hey, I'm sure your nurse is more aggressive and persistent than my nurse.” I hum and my cheeks flush as I realize what I was saying, or rather implying. 

"Sorry, my nurse overheard me and dropped my glass of water," she snickers, "Yeah, I saw the fight online. I'm sure you're being taken care of yeah?" There's a short pause and some muffled mumbling, "Yeah, just shoot them over when you've got a minute. And no rough housing okay? We're both banged up enough as is."

I laugh. “I leave for a few days and suddenly he can't function? Damn,” I joke. “Yeah, it was… brutal. And my busted lip from the first match just started healing right before it was busted open again.” I pout playfully, forgetting she can't see me. “But, yeah, no, he’s good people. He doesn't get it entirely but he… he respects what I do.” I shift the phone as I attach the file to an email. “Sending it your way now…” I smort in amusement as she mentions the idea of roughhousing. “Oh, and who would I roughhouse with?” 

"He can barely function onna normal day, hon. We both know this. Take care of that lip of yours, we worry about you sweetie. I'm glad you're being looked after, if he's as good as you say he's already good in my book." There were some more muffled noises from her end and a dog like snort, "Checking it now,hon. And you know I mean the assholes in the ring." She laughs and there's some clicking noises before someone, I assume Billy, swears violently. 

“Hey, cut him some slack.” I laugh. “It's healing nicely since I don't have any extra pressure or anything on it and since I'm not kissing any boys. I just re-busted it that's all. I keep forgetting you didn't meet Nate the night he came out to New York.” I fall silent as I hear Billy swearing. “Yeah, I wasn't too happy with the quality of the photos either. Like come on, you've got a little camera in your pocket, use it.” 

Silence hangs in the air. I'm assuming she’s processing it all. 

“I can come back if you need me to…” I whisper. “Just let me know and I can be there later tonight.” 

There's a rustling noise and Billy's voice answers me back, "Listen, it uh… may not be wise to come back just yet. The boats still rocking here and someone won't let me put a fuckin' anchor on the goddamn piece of shit. Finish up whatever you got going on out there and by the time that's done we'll be hitting the shore."

I nod. “I… okay.” I run a hand down my face. I want to help but I know it's useless to argue with him. “Can you let the boys know the hotspot they picked out works well for me, please?” I chew my lip, my mind racing and wince when I reopen the scabbed over cut. 

"Not a problem, Love. Just stay safe over there, yeah? I'll keep looking after these assholes and make sure they don't break anything."

“I will. I promise not to end up on the news for some wild behavior. Keep a good eye on the alcohol, yeah? Something tells me it's gonna be disappearing quickly…” I sigh. “Especially with how someone was before I left…” 

"Don't worry, he's locked up in his room suffering withdrawals. And someone, I shan't be namin’ fuckin' names, got rid of all the alcohol. He's flying sober." 

I laugh softly. “Thanks, Billy… I miss y'all…” I whisper. A lump swells in my throat and my eyes water but I try to push it back. 

"We miss you too…" it sounds almost awkward coming from Billy but it still makes me smile, tough guy my ass. 

“Give Terror some love for me, yeah?” I wipe at my eyes, hoping the tears won't fall. 

"He's already getting smothered, I'm sure Gwen'll send you some pictures later. Take care okay? You have my number if you need it.” 

I nod. “Of course. Love ya, Billy. And I love you too, Gwen.” 

Gwen laughs and says something that I can't make out. 

"Think she said something about lovin' you too,but Terror woke up and is attacking her…" he drifts off with a chuckle, "Stay safe, Ashley. Give any of us a call or message if you need us and we'll on the next flight out. I gotta go rescue a princess now." 

I laugh. “Of course. I'm sure the princess will appreciate you rescuing her.” I tease before the two of us hang up. 

I can feel the blood trickling down my lip. Must've been deeper than I thought. I turn off the VPN Hughie and Frenchie had hooked me up with, knowing they'd find out I was happy with it sooner or later since I know Billy understood my coded message. Just like I understood Gwen’s… It wasn't sitting well with me that she was fighting Black Noir again. She could hold her own, yeah, but he could still break her or she could get hurt if she thinks with her emotions. Something about that Supe just isn't  _ natural _ . 

Pushing the thoughts aside, I get up to check out my lip. It's not too bad; honestly the blood makes it worse. Wincing I dab at it lightly before looking at myself in the mirror. Aside from the usual bruises that I get from wrestling, and as I had once joked with Nate going even further beyond, I don't look too bad for once. And even in pictures I look happier. Honestly, I  _ feel _ happier. Guess I never realized the toll the whole Vought thing was taking on me. 

I hadn't posted anything to social media, and honestly I'm scared to. I don't want to end up on Vought’s shitlist, I mean, I don't want to end up  _ higher _ on the shitlist. Running a hand through my hair, I push away from the sink counter and settle in to do some light work for the team. 

°°°°°°°°

My time in LA is nearing a close. I've got one or two shows left and I decided to get some new gear. It's not too drastically different from my current gear; it's just black high-waisted shorts and a cropped red tube top. This is the first time showing off my scars from that night and it feels pretty damn good. And on my way to the ring the outfit is paired with a cropped leather jacket. Paired with a nice smokey eye, it’ll look cute together. Of course I'll wear my matte black high tops with it too. 

I'm settling in about to give Gwen a call when her face pops up on the screen. Flopping down on the bed, I answer her call. 

“Hey, Gwen! I was about to call you. What's up?” The giddiness is evident in my tone. And after a few stressful days I definitely needed it. If anyone noticed I was off, no one said anything, which I kinda appreciate because it's not like you can tell someone “I'm stressed cause some of my closest friends that I consider family are on the FBI Most Wanted list because of Vought.” and not expect weird looks. 

I'm snapped back to reality with Gwen’s voice coming through on the other end. Whatever she’s saying doesn’t process. But I hear a sigh and “How are you?” 

I frown slightly. “I'm good. You okay? I, uh, got fitted for some new gear today.” 

“Me? I'm fine.” She sounds a little distracted, but who am I to call her out on it? If she wants to talk, she will. “How'd it go?” 

“It went well. I mean it's pretty simple, nothing too flashy, but I'm showing off more skin.” 

I must be on speaker because I hear Billy shout playfully, “She’s bloody what?” 

“Showing more skin, Will.” Gwen echoes with a laugh. 

“I'm showing off the scars.” I add softly. 

Based on the silence that follows, I know they heard it. 

“And I'm damn proud of you for that, sweetie.” Gwen says after a few beats. 

I smile softly before launching into a description of my ring gear and an explanation of the makeup I'm thinking of doing. For the most part it's pretty quiet except for Gwen’s occasional “Oohs” and “Mmm…” and the occasional question from Billy about it. 

“Ash, I hate to be that person but I really need to tell you something.” Gwen says suddenly, after the conversation falls into a little lull. My arms prickle with goose flesh and it feels like the room flashes in dull grey tone. Even though I can't physically see her I think she's fidgeting like I am. 

The first words out of my mouth are “Please tell me Terror’s not dead.” 

As if he knew I was talking about him, I can hear Terror bark in the background, along with the terrified squeak of a toy. 

"It's… it's not Terror… Ash… it's Killian…" 


End file.
